My ex husband had an affair and left me for the "other woman" after 13 years of marriage. We were having problems but I thought we could work things out. Now 8 months later they are living together and I am still putting myself back together. And I am getting there - things get better every day. But sometimes I just wish I could make them feel the pain they put me and our 8 year old son through. Is this normal? Will they ever truly know what they did? They say stupid things like we never meant to hurt you or your son. What do you do with stupid comments like that?
2006-12-05 13:59:45 · 18 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
I can't imagine the pain you must be in. Helping your 8 year old must make this all even harder for you.
It is very normal to wish the pain on the offending parties. They will never fully understand the pain they caused you because they are too selfish to care. The stupid comments they make is evidence of that.
I know it is hard, but view this as an opportunity for you. You are now free to move forward and to live your life for YOU. Think about you right now, try to imagine where you want to be in 5 years and make steps to begin getting there. Is there a dream you let go because you were married?
God bless you and I pray you find peace very soon.
2006-12-05 14:11:05 · answer #1 · answered by Jennifer D 5 · 3⤊ 0⤋
My husband of 23 years moved out 19 months ago. I hope he does feel the pain he's caused me and our two children. There was no "other woman" - he just said he was unhappy (join the club!) and although he still loved me, he wasn't "in love" with me (Dr. Phil says it's a copout and I agree). I thought it was a mid-life crisis so I stuck with him for close to 5 years and then I'd had it when he refused counselling. Time does heal your wounds and I think what you're feeling IS normal, but don't let it take over your life. I like to think that some day they DO realize what they've done, but some men are so self-centred they think of only themselves - the "me! me!" syndrome I call it. When they make those hollow comments like you mentioned, we should remind them that if they truly didn't mean to hurt us, why do they anyway? Although I'm lonely at 49 years of age, I doubt I will ever marry again. Too much heartache and expensive divorce lawyers involved. Take comfort in knowing you're not alone. The one thing a woman needs in life more than anything else is a best friend (female). My best friends are my lifeline and mean the world to me.
2006-12-05 14:19:14 · answer #2 · answered by Lonely at 49 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I am so sorry. I do want to say stupidity is not a crime, but I bet your really wish it was. Tell them exactly how stupid of a comment that is because if he was concerned about you or your son, he wouldn't have had an affair. You could bring up the fact that you trusted him and he had an affair on you. How does she know he isn't going to have an affair on her.
Good luck and happy holidays to you and your son.
2006-12-05 14:07:16 · answer #3 · answered by cheoli 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
not necessarily. Is it every time? How old are you? If it's sometimes, it could just be gas,,,, or constipation. Gross I know but that's one of the possibilities, It could also be a cyst somewhere down there that gets irritated when you have sex. A cyst down there is very common so don't freak out. They common in younger girls because your hormones are surgeing. You should go to an OB=GYN though just to make sure it's not a cyst because those can rupture and cause lots of pain. Or, they can grow and grow and end up causing problems. It's most likely NOT serious but should be checked out. :)
2016-05-22 22:53:21 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
In that situation I wouldn't even respond to their stupid questions. Ignore them completely, this should have the biggest impact on them. If the father of your son still has visitation rights then, if I were you, the only contact that I would make with either of them (the father and his "girlfriend") would only be to discuss issues that pertain to the son. Anything that you would have to say about his "stupid comments" wouldn't mean a thing to the father, your energy would be completely wasted trying to get the father to understand how badly he hurt you. Trust me, it makes ABSOLUTELY no difference if you tell him how he hurt you, so don't waste another minute of your precious time with your son on it.
It is normal to want them to suffer ;) But, of course, the biggest effect that you can have on them is to just not let them see you being hurt. Never, ever let your guard down around them. Be calm and rational while dealing with them.
I'm deeply sorry that this happened to you and your son. You'll get through it though, give it time, live your life.
Happy Holidays
2006-12-05 14:08:50 · answer #5 · answered by Lexie E 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Yes it is normal you wanting them to feel the pain. They don't care what they did hun. They aint even thinking about that.The stupid comment they make we never meant to hurt you. Look at them both and say oh you didn't hurt me I am more happier now than I ever been. Then walk away. Don't show them they hurt you they feed on that hun. Trust me I went threw this but at the end you will find a partner that will make you alot happier than ex did. And that will just burn ex butt. Then you can look at her and say thank you I got better. Good Luck hun and Merry Christmas
2006-12-05 14:24:02 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
yes we do want them to feel our pain. i know what u are feeling, and u can't get past this on your own, u will need therapy or to join a group of people who are going through what you are, u need a support system, it is hard and does take time to heal a broken heart. what goes around comes around,and yes everyone gets theirs at some point. my ex did the same to me 3 years ago, on one of our last conversations, i told him that i was suffering but he would not be allowed to be happy because of what he did to me, little did i know how true my words were, recently heard through a mutual friend, that indeed he did not prosper, he is in the exact same old run down mobile i found him in before we married, he no longer has his brand new dodge ram truck, he no longer has his new business him and the other woman started, but what i did learn is he is no longer able to work, and that he has terminal cancer now. never wished that on him, but yes people do get repaid for wrongs and hurts they give other's.your husband and his woman could care less about your pain, how would they expect you to feel, did she think u didn't love your husband, we all loved our husbands, and did not want a divorce, but sometimes we have to force ourselves to move on and find a life, for our own sanity. the less you see them the better u will feel.
2006-12-05 14:54:05 · answer #7 · answered by jude 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
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2016-05-18 23:31:09 · answer #8 · answered by ? 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It's only normal for you to feel the way you do. And yes, they will feel it someday because what goes around, comes around! I truly believe that is a fact.
As for the "we never meant to hurt you or your son", I would just respond "well, you did...but we are better now". With that kind of response, I don't think they will make that statement again.
Good luck!
2006-12-05 14:12:45 · answer #9 · answered by Royalhinney 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
i really wish i knew how to answer your question in a way that would make you feel better. the fact is that he and she were soo caught up in thier own feelings that they really didn't take anyone else into account. today is day one for me.....and i don't think he will ever know the pain that he has put me through over the past 10 years. i pray that things will get easier for you and your son. just know that you are not alone. and i don't think it is wrong for you to think the way you are thinking. i think that it is normal...and that were wounded by the one person who was supposed to have your back. god bless.
2006-12-05 14:04:43 · answer #10 · answered by beckdawgydawg 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋