I have some way-out desires, granted. But I also have regular, normal urges, and most of the time she's just "too tired," or some other excuse. Should I find something on the side? If so, how do I meet someone just for sex? And if not, what do I do?
2006-12-04 13:33:52 · 29 answers · asked by Hound Dawg 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
try dating your wife again and make her feel special. i bet you a buck that she would warm up to you if you did little things for her and pampered her a bit. buy her a small gift, do the dishes, take her out for a romantic drive, do things you used to when you first met and were dating. write her love notes and hide them in her pockets, etc.
do not cheat, you'll live with the regret. you deserve honesty and should give your wife the same in your relationship.
stay strong against temptation. masturbate until you rekindle things with your wife.
2006-12-04 13:42:02 · answer #1 · answered by maggiemae821 2 · 4⤊ 1⤋
Talk to your wife, communicate with her as to why she is disinterested in sex. Maybe her sexual "desires" or needs are not being met!! If you seek out another person just to satisfy your sexual urges, you risk destroying the marriage relationship you have with your wife and surely that is not worth it. You should see a counsellor/psychologist together, this may help. Make sex interesting and romantic for your wife, buy her flowers, take her out for a lovely intimate dinner, compliment her on how beautiful she is, boost her confidence. There is obviously a reason why she does not want to have frequent sex with you. You must talk to her in an honest and open way and always communicate with each other about your feelings. After all, she is your wife, for better for worse ..... etc. Good luck.
2006-12-04 13:44:32 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 3⤊ 0⤋
You are married, and finding "something on the side" is the coward's way out of dealing with your problem. Sorry, but being faithful comes with the territory when you're married.
Have you really talked to your wife about what's going on? Are there any times when she's not tired? Are her "excuses," when you really think about them, legitimate or not? Have you asked her what the both of you can do to find middle ground so you're both satisfied? Before you start thinking about getting it elsewhere, try making a real effort to talk to your wife and understand what's going on. Go to a marriage counselor if you need to; there may be something more going on with her and you aside from different sexual appetites.
Back to the "something on the side": When you think about "finding someone just for sex," you also have to consider the worst case scenario. No one ever thinks anything bad will happen, no one thinks they'll ge caught. Maybe...but ask yourself this:
1. Is it worth losing your marriage over?
2. Is it worth getting an STD over or passing it on to your wife?
3. If you have children, is it worth the damage to your relationship with them if they were to find out?
4. How would you deal with someone who was fine with "just sex" in the beginning, but began to develop feelings for you?
5. How would you deal with an unplanned pregnancy?
No one ever thinks about any of this, and you should. No one thinks these things can happen to them, but it happens all the time.
If you love your wife and are serious about your marriage, work it out with her. If you're going to be unfaithful, don't drag her into that; if the sex is more important than your commitment, let her go and do whatever you feel you have to. Whatever you do, make sure you can live with the outcome.
2006-12-04 13:46:46 · answer #3 · answered by Le_Roche 6 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Your wife is not highly aware of what exactly sex means to you.
Most women feeled that men are just sex objects especially if there were sex before marriage.
The Proper Care and Feeding of a Husband by Dr. Laura Sch.
is a book that has information on a man's point of view which women are not aware.
We are not aware of your needs, of lack of understanding and communication, and your love language.
Just tell her, sex to you, means that it is a way that your wife desire you, in love with you, accepts you how you provide and take care of her and the kids, sex is also your way of understanding how much she loves you, and need you as you need her, by pleasing her is very important that you are pleased too., Sex shows that you are being respected, admired, submitting to, and that it is God's design for a husband and a wife to joined in this union!
Wthholding sex, means that she is destroying the trust bonding relationship between the two of you, means that enough is enough that you will be persuaded to cheat because you are looking for acceptance, love and respect.
Withholding sex, means that she will destoy her own happiness,and that all the high expectations that she imagine that you would be like, and the marrriage is leading into depression and the deepest disappointments.
Withholding sex means that she shows no respect or your authority over her,and that she will never feeled the protection that you provide in your instinct of behavior!
Withholding sex has indeed to be at this point that you are having your husband sharing with the world, that he is lonely, unloved, unaccepted, neglected, unhappy, not respected, and etc.
Did she just had a baby? Is there a medical reason, tell her Your needs are extremely important to both of you for your marriage!
Give her hugs, respect during the day, so she can easily be prepare, by taking a relaxing bath, and eat some dark chocolate, to be ready for itmancy with you.
I am so glad, that I have waken and realized the needs of my husband, and we are both happy, it is a win win situation for both of us, I am romanced to, and he gets his highest respect in AWE!
2006-12-04 13:58:21 · answer #4 · answered by ourjacobdavid 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
NO! you should not find someone on the side. You are MARRIED! Are you crazy? If your planning on cheating on her, then you might as well divorce. You & her should talk & think about counseling, at least let her know your ordeal before you make a bad decision that can ruin everything.
Bottom line:
Cheating is wrong. If you are cheating or even thinking about it, then you should NOT be married & she does not deserve you. You are NOT a man at all, can't even face your problems & trying to take the easy way out. What a loser you are. I hope you decide to grow up soon.
2006-12-04 13:50:20 · answer #5 · answered by sugarBear 6 · 2⤊ 1⤋
I think that you are not the one with the problem here, it is she. Hopefully she is not getting overworked and if this is the case you need to address this because this is going to hurt your marriage. Remember an affair will only be a quick fix and possibly can become a bigger problem for you. You will have to sneak around, lie and will have feelings of guilt. Why not take her away for the weekend? Promise yourselves as a couple to go on a date once in a while...i think your relationship might just be missing some excitement and time alone to yourselves. You should not compromise your marriage if it will only bring you and your wife grief in the long run. We should never feel too tired for sex!
Take her out and set her in the mood.
:)
2006-12-04 13:43:25 · answer #6 · answered by jayjay 2 · 2⤊ 1⤋
How many kids do you have? How many hours does she work? Is she the only one doing the cooking and cleaning ONTOP of working and kids? There is an underlying problem.
Personally my ex hubby was the same way- always wanted some, but I was dealing with 4 kids AND the house- plus by the end of the day he was tired from work, 4-play was not in his vocabulary- so I stoped giving it up cause I was tired him always spitting (huge turn off- if it aint lubed up naturally, it aint ready) then the acusations of cheating and blah blah blah
If she does not feel you are paying attention to her and her needs, she will not care about yours- plus if you argue that day, she wont give it up either, some times for a couple days-
ask her what SHE wants to do, a bath for an hour.. ooo speaking of that.. some romantic things that she might enjoy ( I know I did!)
shave her legs on the bed with a towel and cup of water, use a NEW razor so you do not cause razor burn.
Shave her, genitals, the same way (that is FUN!) having hubby do it. Also since you are down there you can rub her gently and start to get her warmed up, its like 4 play and she might not even realize it
use a sharp flat knife (not suraded, those hurt) and lightly, very lighty, scrap her back. It is like a big 'ol back scratch, gets off the dead skin and feels ssooo goood.
2006-12-04 13:54:21 · answer #7 · answered by allaboutme_333 3 · 1⤊ 2⤋
she may have some reasons shes uncomfortable with the way-out desires but maybe if you guys talk about what you would like u can make some compromises that you both can live with .plz don't cheat it solves nothing and will end up hurting everyone involved.so if its a make or break type of thing for you let her know this ,she may be more open if she sees your trying to meet in the middle .
2006-12-04 13:44:57 · answer #8 · answered by tiffanyh2323 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
what is wrong with you? why would you even need to ask about something like cheating? if your wife is too tired then offer to help her with whatever it is that is making her tired. if you are thinking about cheating that shows what kind of person you are so why would she want to have sex with you?
offering to do things for her will show her that you care about her and that you are thinking about her. this would probably make her want to have sex with you. this is the same kind of issue that i saw on the Dr. Phil show and that was the advice that he gave.
but it sounds like there is an even bigger issue at hand. if you go so far as contemplating cheating and asking others for advice about it, then you probably don't truly love your wife. you should really consider seeing a marriage counselor.
2006-12-04 14:05:31 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Okay, bro heres what you do. Just dont POP sex on your wife, its an all day mental exercise, (the chase) then if you are actually strong enough you will get a little. If your wife wasnt into the freaky stuff before you got married, she is not likely to turn into a freaky wife.
2006-12-04 13:41:31 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋