I love her so much. We've been together for over a year. We are both Christians, but she seems to have very little faith, and obscure, unshakable, opinions. Should it have any bearing on our relationship? We've gotten in to discussions that have only left me frustrated. What should I do?
2006-12-03 07:31:12 · 17 answers · asked by Confused and In Love 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
You sound like you want to control what she believes. All that will do is drive her away. You're the kind of person who would be better off finding someone who thinks exactly like you do.
2006-12-03 07:34:06 · answer #1 · answered by Dovahkiin 7 · 0⤊ 1⤋
It matters what sort of problems you're talking about.
Overall I'm guessing any problems over semantics of a religion aren't that important. If you two are arguing over gay marriage & abortion...who cares? That doesn't mean anything to YOUR relationship, despite how important you believe the issue to be.
I would bet that being the same religion will give you more common ground than the semantics. She is a human being, you're not looking to find a clone of yourself or some cookie cutter girl...she will have different opinions than you and that is okay.
You have to look deeper into the relationship about life plans, personalities, and see if these things will mesh out longterm...but the opinions? Those will probably always be somewhat different than your own.
About the "little faith" portion: If you ascribe to the idea of a personal savior, I would tread lightly on that ground because it sounds very judgmental for you to criticize her about something that personal.
But if you're in a good relationship, you work stuff like that out TOGETHER. This is on any subject in life, not just religion. If she comes up to you and goes "I"m feeling unsatisifed by my religion right now, I was wondering if we could talk about it", then you do that. You find ways for you two to work together to help each other. What you don't want to do is sound accusatory or seem like you're trying to change her.
Any ways, good luck.
2006-12-03 15:59:17 · answer #2 · answered by David M 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I understand. I'm a slightly hardcore Catholic, yes, I have sinned and I have yet to be confirmed and everything, but I go to church and pray for roadkill and I know that by the end of my life I will eventually sort things out and have God forgive me and go to heaven. But as for my friends and people I have relationships with? Absolutely horrible. I mean, I need to find my boyfriends at church or something, I'm such a theological and philosophical person, but my last boyfriend even made jokes about how we'd both go to hell together since we had sex. Like I'd want to be there with anyone, let alone him. Faith is the most frustrating thing on Earth because you can't prove it like science, with faith you have to just believe. So it's really pretty hard to convince someone to believe in anything, go watch any christmas movie and you'll see how hard it is to get people to believe in Santa, everyone thinks it's preposterous. So what do you do? Just try explaining to her that she needs to believe maybe, but I usually end up just accepting what I can not change. Even though the bible says you should make people believe, sometimes you just try your best and you can't get people that into it, it's like trying to convince someone to like art or something.
2006-12-03 15:42:12 · answer #3 · answered by Jenny 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Well if you ever plan on getting married and having children there will be a BIG problem. It is hard enough to stay happily married when you agree on serious matters, imagine what the success rate is for people of DIFFERENT religions backgounds? Your chances for staying happily married are reduced to nearly zero. Of course the chances are that YOU will give up your beliefs more than she will adopt yours. In which case, you must not have been a religious as you thought in the first palce.
Good luck, but I would stay within faiths to find lasting happiness.
2006-12-03 15:34:56 · answer #4 · answered by Mr. Curious 6 · 0⤊ 1⤋
How flexible are you? It is very rare when we meet someone that draws our interest AND agrees with all of our thoughts, beliefs, and ideals. Whether it is worth the investment of time and emotion is directly influenced by your tolerance. She may change a bit, but generally speaking, when it comes to religion, you can expect her thought to remain the same. And if you have children, she will probably influence their outlooks also.
Will insistence that her views are right and yours need modifying help your relationship. No.
My husband and I are of the same religion, yet do not agree totally on certain things. Over the years he has just caved on pretty much everything. He swears he is still happy with us and our relationship, but sometimes I wonder. I am a force to reckon with and I hate thinking I am not allowing him to express his own opinions. Yet, I know I am right and he is wrong. Thank God he is so easy-going when it comes to my opinions and I am so easy-going when it comes to how he wants to do things. As a person of faith, but not the absolute blind type, I too shake people up with my open-minded and progressive outlook. God(s) has(have) existed exactly as long as humankind. Whenever faith is used to explain something it means a person is too lazy to investigate the phenomona or too narrow-minded to accept other explanations. If Jesus loved doubting Thomas enough to come back and give him the proof he was looking for, why do so many think questioning our religious explanations is wrong?
I think you love her because of her open-minded tolerance and intelligence. Yet you seem to think she needs to turn of her natural curiosity and just accept religious bleifs on faith. You cannot have your cake and eat it too.
Congrats on loving someone other than yourself. Count yourself lucky, but do not harp on this unless you intend on changing your outlook.
2006-12-03 16:01:14 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
It will only be an issue if the two of you allow it to be...however, if you were to marry, how would the kids be raised? This is something to consider before taking that step for sure...
People of very different religions (or none) have quite successful relationships...it just depends on how they are able to accept each others beliefs and if they contradict how either person chooses to live...
2006-12-03 15:34:27 · answer #6 · answered by . 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well, if the two of you are going to get married this may pose an issue. I would just talk to her about it. One with little faith can really frustrate on with a great deal of faith. So pray about it, God can change her heart. Good luck and God bless****
2006-12-03 15:38:27 · answer #7 · answered by ? 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I'm afraid the answer is yes and the problems will get worse after you are married no matter how much you have discussed the issue before. It shouldn't have any bearing, but it does. Sorry.
2006-12-03 15:37:39 · answer #8 · answered by Steve 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
it seems that she's not really a christian if she feels that way. she's probably just a churchgoer but doesn't believe a lot of stuff. there are many "christians" like this. i call them the fake chrisitians. just think about what's really important to you. if you can't get along now, how will you in the future. some people are very stubborn and what they believe is what they believe no matter what you say. if it bothers you know than it will get worser in the future. good luck!!!
2006-12-03 15:37:08 · answer #9 · answered by truth hurts 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
i would say no, but having been in the same situation myself, i found it wasn't the religious views that caused strife, but the fact that he was unwilling to accept me. its possible to coexist with different opinions if u agree to disagree, altho it makes feeling close a little harder. if something is important to someone: then what they believe to be important will also be important to u, meaning that even if u dont agree with their opinion u will respect it, if she doesn't respect ur feelings about things that are important to u, then she doesn't accept u or respect u. the same goes for u, so while always being open to sharing ur beliefs with her, dont press anything on her. Show her u love her for who she is and not what church she goes to on Sunday. if she cant do the same for u, shes not worth keeping around.
2006-12-03 15:51:47 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
she is allowed to belive what she wants and don't try and change that cause it will make things even harder. just try and avoid the subject as much as possible. you seem like a someone who is very in touch with his religion but you have to understand not everyone is in this world and have to respect that cause it takes time for people to become strong belivers in god. Don't push it and don't talk about it and if you do respect her oppinions and maybe one day she will change her way of thinking, but for now just let it be.
2006-12-03 15:36:44 · answer #11 · answered by bballxbaby147 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋