Single but lost faith in relationships. Should I bother?

Question

All of my past relationships have been disasters. I have never found the elusive soul mate or perfect partner that I could spend eternity with. I did have one long term relationship but he made me suicidal and I had to leave in the end. It just seems to me that relationships are not a solution, they're just hopeless dreams, idealistic fantasies at the very best.

Given that this is my general outlook, should I even bother trying to look for a partner, or just give it up and go my single way till I die? I live alone and don't meet many new people through work, so to meet someone would take a concerted, specialized effort. Is it worth it? Or is being single best? Sometimes I feel unhealthy, like I never get any human contact. I'm not bad looking and I'm 26. Thanks.

Answer 1

I just think you need to concentrate on yourself for a moment. Bringing someone else into your life is supposed to be to share your hopes and dreams with, not to make them for you. You have to be happy with who you are and know what you want. A partner only enhances this.

Answer 2

There's nothing wrong with taking a break. 26 is not old or anything, and you have time to find someone worth being with. So why not give yourself a period of time, like say a year (or less if you want) where you just decide you won't get into any serious relationships. If you meet someone really great within that timeframe, keep the options open, but don't get seriously involved until your time limit is up. If they are really interested in you, they will be able to understand and respect your need for limits until you are ready to try again. Don't pressure yourself that you have to find someone perfect right now because that makes any relationship that much more complicated.

Answer 3

Look everybody need somebody some time, I don't think it is even realistic to be making a life time decision about being alone for the rest of your life at age 26, your a youngster in terms of age, thoughts like this are questions a 65 or 70 year old person would ask themselves after the death of their spouse of 50 years. I'm not saying go hunting for someone to fill the void either, however I think you should consider stay involved somehow ,some way, like do something ,besides work, on a regular basis, something you enjoy, maybe contribute some of your time to a community garden, go swimming at a local pool, take a yoga class, or treat yourself( for all your hard work )once a month and take yourself out on the town, go to the local book store like Barnes and Noble and spend an afternoon sipping coffee and checking out books or subjects that interest you, not only does it get you out and in different enviorments it opens the door to not only self discovery but to perhaps an opportunity to meet new and interesting individuals who enjoy some of the same interests you do.
Oh...and give your self a new ID name like optimistic instead of suicidal it will change your outlook on things this I guarantee. you've got a whole life to live don't settle yet, step up to lifes plate and live alittle, it won't hurt and you may even meet the person of your dreams, but you have to believe its possiable, because it is. good luck.

Answer 4

I just had a heartfelt talk about this very subject with my exboyfriend last night. He feels very much the same way that you do.
I don't think there's an specific kind of advice. I always say whenever I'm not looking for a date they seem to find me. I guess you could think of it that way. It is worth it to not give up hope. My ex (the one I was couselling last night) and I had a HORRIBLE break up. So I decided to just kind of take a little bit of a break. Now I've reconnected with a wonderful guy I went to H.S. with. We've been together since June and we're quite happy.
Please don't lose hope. I'm sure you're a great person. I'm sorry that your past relationships have had such a bad impact on you. There is someone out there for you. I believe that there is someone out there for everyone, as idealistic as that sounds.

Answer 5

I too sometimes feel exactly the same, and its not easy getting oneself out of that mental rut.
Of course it would be worth it, when you do eventually find the person of your dreams you will be on top of the world.

Just go out with friends and socialize, go to pubs, clubs etc, and just enjoy yourself, don't specifically go to try and find someone, as that seldom works. If you don't have a lot of friends that like to go out for an evening, go on your own, as daunting as that seems its a great way of meeting new people, as you feel obliged to talk to people when your in a situation like that.

I think that just because your single at the moment, it does not mean that you will be for the rest of your days, you just need to have a little faith in your self and also a more relaxed attitude towards relationships.
I'm sure that you will find someone very soon!
take care and good luck !

Answer 6

I do not say this to be mean, I only say this as an opinion
I think you need to seek professional help through therapy. It sounds like you have some major emotional & pyscological issues you need to deal with before you decide to get into any relationship. If you were to get into a relationship now (Before seeking counseling) it would be unfair to the other person. You would be bringing to much baggage / issues to the relationship (Unload the issues first) right at the beginning and that is not healthy for anyone. Maybe through counseling the therapist can help you to discover why your previous relationships have been "disasters".

Answer 7

First of all you have to STOP feeling sorry for yourself and the way your life is. I am sure you have so many blessings that you just haven't realized. All of us have had our hearts broken, cheated, lied to, etc etc. But we can all move from it. Don't let one bad or maybe more relationships decide the whole future for you. Do you really want to live every day in your life feeling lonely, sad, desperate? There's millions of opportunities outthere for you, you have to work on yourself so youc an make someone else happy. Visit a church, volunteer, go to the gym, the mall, you will meet someone where you least expect it. it doen'st have to all turn out in to a romantic relationship, you can earn just another great friend! cheer up, we all been there, I been there, but i gotten up.
best wishes

Answer 8

Wow...there's alot going on here...this is way more than just a dating question in my mind.

First of all... should you date? Right now, probably not. The simple reason I say that, is because you're state of mind is not such that you can have a reasonably healthy relationship.

Second. I'm reading your paragraph above, and I'm just sensing that there's so much more going on here. Social anxiety disorder? Depression? Bi-polar disorder? It sounds to me like you're just plain unhappy in so many ways other than just dating. There are places to get help for this if you're feeling this down about yourself, or dating. Talking to a therapist will help.

Good luck. I truly hope you find happiness, both with yourself, and with others.

Answer 9

No offense, but it sounds like your expectations are too high. Any man that meets you and charms you is probably never going to fulfill your search for the "Perfect" guy. Because of your persepctive, you probably look for all their flaws instead of the attributes. You sabotage your relationships before they even have a chance.

My advice, if you're asking this question, you still have hope. Date, and date a lot. Just remember to take it for what it's worth. Enjoy the time yoou spend with those you date and let true love come to you. Don't try to make it happen because it never will. Good luck.

Answer 10

you're way too hard on yourself...why not try a dating service, one of the more popular ones? i have had friends who have and one even met and ultimately married the guy she met on there. and she was very nice looking and a really nice person too. the problem she had was work and her life, they were just so busy that she didn't want to waste time with the usual way of dating and she had gotten tired of the 'games'. one thing too on those sites you get to be the real you, and only those who find your interests and beliefs will respond so you've already got a head start...none of that first date talking about the weather, politics and job pressure. she didn't go out on dates right away but 'talked' to the guys she found interesting by instant message and the phone. when she did that and go to know them somewhat then they'd date. her husband and her talked for about a month before actually going on a date then they dated for 6 months before becoming engaged and waited another 8 months before marrying. i believe there is someone out there for everyone and i can't believe you are the only man in the entire world that doesn't have that special someone for him. just think of it this way, there is a woman somewhere who is thinking just what you are and she has been searching for you too you just don't know it yet. hang in there, don't give up you sound like someone who is intelligent and sensitive and i know for a fact there are lots of women out there who are looking for someone just like you. maybe its now time for you to look for something that will give you better odds of finding her...it really is worth it.

Answer 11

you are in a rut and the best way to get out is to try new things. enrol yourself in a class like pottery or yoga. its a great way to meet new people and its something that will help build confidence in yourself. meeting people is so hard especially when you're stuck in a routine. also, don't put so much pressure on yourself in terms of being single forever. enjoy what you have now before you lose it. focus on the present and don't think too much about what will or will not happen in the future with relationships
P.S. i think the best place to meet hot guys is at the gym.