My Daughter's Bully.....?

Question

My daughter has a bully at school. This little girl is constantly picking on my daughter.She is telling her she's fat and she has ugly clothes. In a note passed around the class this little girl called my daughter 'a fat a$$ B*tch'. When my husband took our daughter to school he met this little girl. He said she was very fat.Everyday my daughter comes home and complains about what the girl said. We recently had her hair cut and the main thing she was worried about was if she would be made fun of. I have sent a note to her teacher telling him about the problem and he never responded. When he does catch this girl being mean he only makes her walk around the playground. I feel helpless.I want to protect her,but there again I want her to stand up for herself. The teacher is being of no help. This is my oldest daughter and I'm not sure how to deal with bullies.

Just to let you all know. My daughter is not fat by any means. She is actually the thinnest girl in her class,but the tallest.

Answer 1

I am surprised the teacher did not at least give you the respect to respond to you!..I'm also surprised the school is accepting of bullying!..here were we are, the schools have a "no bully tolerance zone" and they are very strict with it. A child is dealt with immediately if something is happening.. If a child continues being a bully after being spoke to..his parents get called in, they have a meeting with the teacher and Principal, and school councillor. Often when a child is a bully, there is something going on at home he feels he has no control over, then takes it out oin some poor other child. But often, the child is a bully because it makes him feel better about himself to be stronger than someone one.
I would march down to that school during the day, demand a meeting with the teacher and Principal asap..(being there in person makes them have to do something right away, not hang up the phone and conveniently forget about your call)..then have that meeting. Talk to the parents child..
How frustrating the school did not respond to you.in an appropriate way. the school will also suspend a child who bullies.
Your poor daughter...what a way to have to spend her day..being bullied! I hope the school takes note and action, as well the should!

Answer 2

I was in the same situation when I was in school and it had a lasting impact on my life in terms of low self esteem. You need to talk to the principal since the teacher seems unwilling to do anything. Don't let anyone tell you that this is "kids being kids." Yes, kids are cruel, but that doesn't mean that a child should have to be subjected to this type of torture each and every day to where they start to hate school or worse, themselves....like I did. If all else fails, you may even think about another school. I begged my parents to let me go to a private school because of all the bullying. Don't just sit back and do nothing!!! I speak from your daughter's standpoint....it can be damaging long term.

You might also get your daughter involved in extracurricular activities if she's not already. By her having other friends and interests, that could help her self esteem and confidence and possibly give her the confidence to stand up to her bully. If nothing else, you may need to get her some counseling to her her. I wish so much that my parents had done that. It could have saved me a lot of heartache. She's reaching out for your help by telling you. I kept it inside all those years and it was detrimental.

Answer 3

The school system is so messed up, we have a similar problem in our family and the school does nothing but say "Oh we will watch closer" I would just go above the teacher and go straight to the principal.. Tell the principal your problem, and how the teacher has done nothing.. if anything the principal can get that other child in there any possibly straighten them out.. hell when i was younger i was terrified if the principal wanted to see me.. If nothing is being done in the school to protect your child you can go above the principal to the board of education, not only can you present your problem with the bully, but the fact that you have reached out for help and the school has done nothing will certainly raise a few eyebrows.. As far as what to tell your daughter.. If they do fight in school.. they BOTH get into trouble regardless of who starts it.. that's just how the system works. Tell your daughter that it is okay to defend herself but never start a fight, starting a fight makes her just as bad as the bully.. "Whenever I had a bully in school... I always told them.. "You cant break the girl who thinks NOTHING of you.. with a realy sassy attittude, all the other kids in the class laughed at her and I was the one with all the friends...

Answer 4

I have seen alot of answers telling you to teach your daughter how to fight...I am sorry, but this is NOT the way. It will teach her that if ANYONE says a mean word to her, she needs to kick some a**....we all know that is not the way.
I had a similar situation with my daughter last yr., my daughter was teased by a boy, for being the smallest one in the class. It started getting ugly, when my daughter ended up having to have glasses for reading, over the Christmas break. This boy started getting violent-shoving her down & pinning her against the walls, telling her she is fat, ugly, dressed stupid, & the old 4 eyes bit. My Daughter only weighs 38 lbs. & stands maybe 4 ft tall.
I did go to the Teacher with this. Even though she had a WONDERFUL Teacher, it still wasnt stopped. Mrs. Cannon did what she could, but it got to where this kid was doing it in other classes or at lunch/recess, when Mrs. Cannon wasnt present.
I had to go to the Principal with it...when having him sit in a recess didnt work. I FINALLY had to go to the School Board & Schedule an appt. with the Superintendant, the Parents, The Principal, the Teacher & the Counselor. After this drastic measure, the Parents FINALLY did something about it. They had been notified of his behavior all along, by the way. They thought it was because he had a crush on her. I had enough when my Daughter came home with broken glasses, from him shoving her off the swing.

Anyway, my advice to you~~ GO TO THE PRINCIPAL!....Voice your concerns about the Teachers Inability to help &/or refusal to do anything about it. Go to the Counselor....go to the School Board. These People are there to teach our kids & to help protect them. Dont be afraid to utilize your authority on the rights of your child going to school & being taught SAFELY! Schedule a Parent/Princinpal Conference with yourself & this kids Parents.

I wish you luck....& I am sorry your Daughter is going through this....

Answer 5

If it were me I would go into that school and tell the principle he has x amount of time to deal with the problem or I would be contacting an attorney. Your daughter has just as much right to be there as that other child. She has a right to go to school w/out day to day harassment. You have made the problem known to the school, so the next step would be to hold them responsible and threaten them with a law suit. Look at all the school shootings that have happened, most of them were a result of a child that had been bullied so badly that they snapped. This is a very serious problem and your school should be doing more to protect your child by putting a stop to it.

Answer 6

You cant manipulate the situation. If you do, you'll end up with a child who wants you to fix every unpleasant aspect of her social life clear through school.

I was the kid everyone made fun of. I had to sit alone at lunch at my own table in the middle of the room, while everyone threw papers and food and pencils at me. I had used toilet paper stuck to me whenever I had to stand in front of the class, i was pushed down, made fun of, had gum stuck in my hair, my things thrown out the school window... and all while the teachers just looked on or pretended not to notice.

It was hell, but i either had to be the victem, or learn how to deal with it.

i learned how to deal with it.

Be the support and confidence booster at home that your child needs, so that when she goes to school she has atleast that foundation to work from.

Another idea that helped a lot with me (i had a school of bullies, literally no friends, so one bully isnt really just cause to be this extreme) was my mom took me out of school for a year every now and again, and home schooled me. That way I had a year to interact with more normal children (home school kids arent the same as the ones in these social farms we call public schools) booster my self esteem, and get ahead in school, before returning to the public system. It helped a lot to give me a leg up.

For her age, which sounds like early elementary, I'd step in only enough to call the problem child's parents, and invite them and the child over for dinner.

Bullies are insecure children, who often have problems at home, and emotional issues that are undelt with. This is such a childs natural way of expressing those problems. When you take that child out of the 'security' of the world its built for itself in the classroom by bullying, you have a much easier base to work with.

invite them over, let the girls play together while both sets of parents watch them. Do all that you can to make it a fun and memorable experience. Have some fun crafts or cookie decorating... soemthing that gives the girls a moment in time where they were equal.

The more often you can do this, the more you can let your daughter have the upper hand, give her more confidence, and also help the bully child.

Having the parents there will help you judge the situation and see where the problem is, so you can help your daughter get over it, and help the bully feel less victemized. Since thats what causes bully behavior. Its always insecurity and a lack of real love.

All those things helped for me over the years.

But when it comes down to it, teaching your daughter to not be the victem, no matter what happens, is the biggest thing you can give her.

Answer 7

I know that I may get a few thumbs down on this, but I will tell you what I DID when my daughter was being bullied and the school did nothing.
I told my daughter to stick up for herself. I told her that if she pushes you, you push back. I thought then MAYBE the teacher and principal would finally listen to me! You see, when it first occured, I told her to tell her teacher, and she did, but they did nothing. I sent notes and made calls, still my girl was being picked on. So I got fed up and told her to do EXACTLY what the girl did to her, BUT ONLY IF THE OTHER GIRL DID IT FIRST. She was not to start it. Needless to say, it happened again and my daughter fought back. She isn't picked on anymore. It is bad advice, but when the school won't do anything, and the other parents won't control their kid, then you have to do something. And this is and should be the LAST resort.

Answer 8

First, think of various ways for her to react to situations - playroll and find out what she can act or say.

From personal experience, the best reaction is no reaction. Bullies want attention, if you're daughter reacts by yelling or crying - then the bully will continue.

Next, schools are required to provide a safe learning environment. If her teacher isn't providing assistance, goto the guideance counsler, the assistant principal or the principal.

Answer 9

You need to set up a meeting with the teacher, some one from the administration, and try to involve the bully's parents as well. Sending a note is probably not enough to make them take it seriously. If you AND your husband show up in person and prove that you are actively involved in the education of your daughter, that's going to send a really clear message to that teacher.

Answer 10

Since the teacher didn't do squat, I would you and your husband go the prinicipal and tell them what is happening. Also, show them the note the bully wrote to your daughter. Hopefully your daughter can be in the meeting with you guys and tell the principal what is happening as well. I hope it works out and your daughter won't be bullied anymore:(