It has been three years. I've accepted and dealt w/ so much drama. If the love is there, why does a man not give a ring? I have asked him already, if that's what you are going to say and he keeps saying he wants to make sure "we are alright and doing it for the right reasons." ?WTF? I've made sacrifices beyond belief. I've accepted his 2 other kids and his crazy baby's mother. What is it with you guys and this attitude of "it's just a piece of paper?"
2006-11-24 11:53:15 · 23 answers · asked by Nikki J 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Weddings
Wow, that's a long time.
IMO by the time my wife and I had gotten married it WAS just a formality...it was as you say, "just a piece of paper."
However, that did not come from apathy...not in the least. It was that my wife was so special to me, I had already decided by that point that this was the woman I was to spend the rest of my life with. The whole point of the ring and marriage is for validation...if he is waiting so long then it appears as though he is avoiding something.
It really sounds like he just proposed to make ya happy or, forgive the phrase, shut ya up. If he had really intended to engage to you, he would have bothered to plan for a ring. It took me 6 months, the opening of my first credit card (at 27), and a lot of freaking raman noodles...but I'd be damned if I wasn't going to provide the love of my life with some sort of validation.
The ring, ceremony, etc. is just symbolic...but if he isn't willing to put up, I can't help but wonder where else he will slack later.
Basically this is something I would call a problem...but please don't take my speculation or anyone elses for what is really going on. It sounds as if you guys need to have a serious discussion and decide where you are going. It sounds like you have been through a lot together, and none of those trials and tribulations are going to be over soon.
You really need to know where you stand with this guy. Good luck and hope it all turns out.
2006-11-24 11:55:05 · answer #1 · answered by cosper123 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
4 years
2006-11-24 12:20:50 · answer #2 · answered by jewliamimi 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Honey this question is an old one, all depends on the man, some wait 2 some 4 and some really crazy ones wait 10 or more, and the peice of paper thing is a way out, stay strong!
2006-11-28 04:42:16 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
According to that guy who wrote "He's Just Not Into You" the longest a woman should wait for an engagement ring is 6 months. I'd say if it's been 3 years, and he's still not sure, he's never going to be sure. You have to decide to remain with him not married to him, or to get out of the relationship (that has no committment to you) and find someone who WILL make that committment to you. Best of luck to you!
2006-11-24 15:38:16 · answer #4 · answered by basketcase88 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Some of these answers are ridiculous! I have never heard of a specific "cut off" date, even from a sociology professor and I have a minor in it with nearly two psychology degrees. I have been with my bf for over 7 years and we are not yet engaged, though it will probably happen within the next 6 months. We decided to get ourselves through college and also grad school for myself before having the added stress of marriage. We were waiting for both of us to be finished with school and working so we could actually afford a life together. If you have a good relationship, it is worth the wait!
2006-11-25 06:34:58 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 1⤋
I thought 3.5 years was the cut-off, my Sociology professor says 3 years. I would say this is an opportunity for you to re-asset the relationship. Begin to evaluate the pros and cons. Do you think that the relationship is moving forward? If yes, give him a couple of months. However, do not pressure him because marriage is a serious step and if someone is obviously not ready, try not to persuade him. I was in a relationship w/ a guy who attempted to force me into marriage. The only thing he accomplished was scaring the h*ll out of me, making me fell uncomfortable, and feeling the urge to be distant from him.
Try giving him an ultimatum. say something like, "I feel that our relationship is not progressing the way I would like it to, and maybe you feel i'm not the one for you, judging by the progress of our relationship. We should spend some time apart, and rethink how our relationship may be affecting our potential to meet that special someone (this may be a dangerous statement)." If he is touchy say, "I may need some time apart to think about our relationship."
SERIOUSLY: Using that tactic will unveil a lot of things about your relationship and it can be used as a caliber to measure how serious he takes you, either in how he rebuttals your comment or makes an attempt to change(in a commitment fashion). If not, I think it may be time for you to move-on. It is bad enough that you have spent 3 years with no reward.
2006-11-24 12:12:17 · answer #6 · answered by covergirl84 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I've been with my girl for 2 or three years now and the only reason I haven't gotten her a ring is BECAUSE THEY ARE DA** EXPENSIVE!!! I mean if I had 5 or 6 thousand dollars just lying around I wouldn't spend it on a ring. I'd pay some bills!
2006-11-24 11:56:27 · answer #7 · answered by mrmanseven 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
3 YEARS!!! well why would he want to buy you a ring when he already has a nanny slash bed partner. I think he has his life straightened out just the way he wants it. But you want that goofy piece of paper and he should give it to you. I knew my husband was the one in 6 months, now 22 years later, I am still in love and i get what i want.
2006-11-24 12:21:00 · answer #8 · answered by Grumpy 1 · 2⤊ 0⤋
I'm sorry to say this but it doesn't sound like you'll be getting a ring from him ... you've accepted his life and you've made sacrafices but that doesn't mean he's crazy in love w/ you ... you need to step back and let him see what it is you do for him & his family and in turn find out for yourself if you really love him and need him or whether finding the right guy for you is in the cards ...
2006-11-24 12:01:50 · answer #9 · answered by emnari 5 · 2⤊ 0⤋
I'm kinda in the same boat with you 3 years for me too, he's in the national guard and when he was in Iraq writing letter to eachother he keep saying I want to marry you ect, he came home calls me his fiance but yets says he wants to get married after his next deployment over there WFT! or if I get pregnant. I want my real ring and a date. I got to the point where it is just bugging me that he refers me to other people as his fiance, at 1st I liked it now I do not want to be call that until I hate a date and can start planning.
2006-11-25 05:58:28 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋