Hello everyone, thanks for taking a moment to consider my question.
I need your advice on how to react to an arguement my boyfriend raised over a gift card.
For my birthday he thoughtfully gave me a $40 giftcard to JC Penny's. Well, I was delighted, I needed a few basics! Paying for my Graduate program has kept me low on cash and I used the card at JCPenny's to pick up socks, underwear, a few basic shirts and a belt. I was so thankful.
A few weeks after, my boyfriend started asking what I had gotten with his giftcard. (I had already told him, I think he must have forgotten). Well I showed him and thanked him again. However he became so angry! He claimed I wasted the money on crap, and didn't spend it on anything he wanted. He said if I continued to waste his money then no more bday presents. He was expecting me to buy a flashy outfit he could take me out in front of his friends in because he think's my current clothes are "frumpy"
How to apologize and smooth things over?
2006-11-22 06:32:46 · 22 answers · asked by Anonymous in Society & Culture ➔ Etiquette
Don't apologize, your boyfriend should love you for who you are, not what you wear. If he gave you the card as a gift, then it should be used to buy what YOU want not what HE wants.
2006-11-22 06:36:17 · answer #1 · answered by doodlebugg 3 · 4⤊ 0⤋
DO NOT apologize! The point of a gift is that it is given to someone, and the giver then relinquishes all rights to that gift. Once he gave you the card he had no say in how you used it. If he wanted to get you something HE wanted then he should have bought himself something! Or, he could have taken you shopping for something dressy and then taken you out to dinner so you could show your new outfit off.
It sounds like your boyfriend is a jerk. If he only wants you to get things he wants, then that's just plain selfish. Also, if he thinks that $40 will buy a flashy outfit (even at JC Penny's) then he is very cheap as well! I'd say dump this guy, but definately do not apologize!
2006-11-22 06:46:54 · answer #2 · answered by ? 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
I don't think you have anything to apologize for- you got what you wanted. I'd normally say to give him the benefit of the doubt and say he's disappointed because he may have wanted to shop with you to pick something, or have a more lasting gift than socks, and "basics", but the fact that he says what you chose is crap, makes me think he's just angry and maybe controlling? I'd be reluctant to apologize, since you did nothing wrong, and he just needs to get over himself. You wasted his money, on what YOU wanted, and not on what HE wanted? That would be like him buying himself a gift for your b-day. HUH?
2006-11-22 06:58:21 · answer #3 · answered by GEEGEE 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
This is sad! You shouldn't apologize...you seem like a really sweet girl, and your boyfriend sounds like a bit of a jerk. If this is a solitary issue, then I'd say just let it roll off your back and tell him your sorry he's disappointed, but next time he needs to tell you beforehand if he has specific "plans" for your giftcard money. If your boyfriend has a pattern of outbursts like this, or if he is regularly mean and insulting to you, then maybe you need to look at the big picture. Is this the kind of man you want to spend the rest of your life with? I know its hard, but you deserve someone who appreciates you and loves you regardless of what you wear!
2006-11-22 06:42:36 · answer #4 · answered by neverneverland 4 · 2⤊ 0⤋
You don't apologize. If he wanted you to have a nice outfit, either he should have told you that or he should of bought it for you himself. The only thing is that with $40, you can't get a nice outfit at a mall store. Tell your cheap boyfriend to either put more thought into his gifts to you or pony up with a larger denomination on his gift card gift if he wants you to look nice when he takes you out. My girlfriend would kill me if I got her a gift card. You are too nice.
2006-11-22 06:47:11 · answer #5 · answered by imtucci2 1 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Wow, you're in a controlling relationship. You're an adult and made mature choices. If he wanted you to have flashy clothes, then he should have taken you shopping.
My gosh, is he such an idiot that he thinks $40 is going to buy something flashy?
No apology necessary.
Ask him to point out what he thinks you should be wearing. He may have good insight as to what looks good on you. Make him point at pictures in a catalog. Then you help him see that $40 buys a cotton top.
2006-11-22 06:43:27 · answer #6 · answered by hawkthree 6 · 4⤊ 0⤋
Dump him, honey. You don't need a jerk like that. He gave you a gift card, which is just that -- a Gift. A gift comes with no strings attached. You thanked him as good manners dictated and that's all you were obligated to do.
He owes you an apology!
If he wanted you dressed in a particular manner he should have talked to you about it first and then bought it for you. It sounds like he just wants you as a trophy -- a 'lil sumtin' sumtin' to show off. He sounds like a real jerk, IMHO.
2006-11-22 06:45:53 · answer #7 · answered by pinduck85 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
If he wanted you to buy or wear a 'flashy outfit' then perhaps he should have taken the time to look for one himself instead of taking the easy route of a gift card. You don't need to apologize for anything, it's him thats out of line and needs to say sorry. If he doesn't like what clothes you wear, let him buy you more. If he is ashamed of taking you out the way you are then get rid of him, you shouldn't have to dress differently to sate his ego or his stature among his friends. In my opinion, had you told me what you'd bought I'd have been pleased to be able to contribute to your 'basics' and would have been less impressed if you'd bought something you'll wear maybe once or twice.
2006-11-22 06:41:41 · answer #8 · answered by darkness_returns 4 · 5⤊ 0⤋
He should apologize to you for giving you a gift card and then having unrealistic expectations for what you would buy with $40.
If this is just an example of typical behavior for him, I'd rethink this whole relationship.
2006-11-22 07:07:15 · answer #9 · answered by Sunny 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
WelL I think he's being a just a wee bit unreasonable- did he expect you to spend it on an Xbox game for him? I can see where he's coming from in terms of wanting to allow you to splurge on yourself in a way you normally wouldn't, but in that case, he should have gotten a a gift card to Forever 21 or Hot Topic (depending upon your style). With department stores- you pay your money, you take your chances! He should be happy you didn't spend it in the hardware section on shower curtains!
Just promise next time you'll get something terribly impractical, spontaneous and really hot :)
2006-11-22 06:42:18 · answer #10 · answered by C-Man 7 · 1⤊ 1⤋
In all honesty, it sounds like you have your head on your shoulders a lot better than this boyfriend of yours does his. He gave you a gift card for a gift, plain and simple. That in itself implies that you are to go and pick out what you want so you can make sure that they gift isn't something that you would not want. If he was wanting you to get a specific thing with his $40, I guess he should have put more thought into the gift and gone out and bought it himself, rather than leaving it up to you.
Please, please, please do not apologize.
2006-11-22 06:42:58 · answer #11 · answered by Angel 3 · 3⤊ 0⤋