Should I find my biological father and face rejection again?

Question

I've never known my Biological Father never seen a picture & only very recently learnt his name. Upon asking my mother all these years i have been met with non compliance she refuses to talk even ignores i have ever said anythin about it & simply says my step father is my dad. I've had a step father at 3, At 6 (although technically he is my mother b/f) I took on his last name. At 16 he told me to change it back he doesn't want me in his family & dis-allowed my mother to see me. Since then no xmas, bdays, marriage, or my childrens birth have been spent with her. I have only recently become more intriqued by who my father is, what kind of man,he is, do i share his traits is there anythng (heriditary disease, etc.) from his side of the family i should know about? I haven't fully healed from the rejection from my family & i fear this may just to sought a place in a family.

i am old enough to not need a fathe figure i am married with two kids. Is it strange for me to be feeling this way so many years on? Is it childish of me to be upset if he has other kids, because he hasn't bothered to know me?

Answer 1

Baylee j, It sounds like you really don't know why you're father was not around. If you're mother isn't giving you any information on why he wasn't in you're life, Maybe you do need to find him and get his side of the story.
If they were young, maybe he was affraid he wouldn't be able to take care of you. Maybe he wasn't able to support you, maybe his own father wasn't a very good dad, and he was trying to protect you. The thing is, you won't ever really know untill you find him and ask.
Now that you are a parent too, you know that just because we are parents, doesn't mean we always do the right thing, and i am sure you have made a few of you're own mistakes. If we could only know what the out come would be, be would all do things differant, wouldn't we. But we don't and we are only human. We will make mistakes and we will all have regrets at the end of life. And sometimes the "WHAT IF"S" will make people go crazy.
You have questions and you deserve to have some answers.
So, what do you do? Do you take the chance of more rejection, or do you take the chance that you may find the father that you always needed and a grandfather for you're children. Life i short honey, and i say if you get a chance for a happier ending , go for it!!!! I believe, when we are born, our book of life has a first page and a last page. We fill in the rest. You're father either made a choice or was given no choice when it came to you, and those pages in his book, but that doesn't mean that you can't write him back into you'rs. The bottom line is what is the worst that can happen? And the way i see it, that worst is - you will find the truth!! I think the truth is always the way to go. It sounds like you have moved on in you're own life and have you're own children to raise. Be the dad that you always wanted, love those children unconditionaly, and make sure there book has nothing but happiness!!! Maybe thats why you had to go thru all this, to change the path of someone else's life. Maybe it's you're childrens book or maybe it's youre fathers book that you were here to change. Good luck to you and you'res and God Bless!!!!

Answer 2

Try and find him! Otherwise the curiosity will plague you for the rest of your life.

It's very possible as others have said that he doesn't even know about you. On the other hand he could be one of those creeps who can't take responsibility for their own actions. Sometimes parents have very good reasons for keeping secrets. For example : My ex looked for his father for quite a long time only to discover he was living about an hour out of town, married and had 3 kids AND that he was fully aware of my ex's existance he just chose to ignore him and start a "new family". Some people are just horrible and shouldn't be allowed to reproduce!

Answer 3

very difficult.
one way to find out about who and what kind of person he is to ask others who would know about him. I am sure that he must have been known by someone other than your mother. Since she is not disclosing information ask people who was around your mother just prior to your conception. someone has to know ..grandma, aunt, etc. now this information is going to be skewed toward negative because they would never think highly of a man that has abandoned his child.
To know the reason why him and your mom never stayed together could be quite obvious. Your mom must be a strange bird who thinks more of her boyfriend than her child. It is too bad that your mom is so dependent on her boyfriend that she cant support herself. You said that you have not had contact with her since her long-time boyfriend turned on you. I can only guess it is something that happened that caused this rift, but that is partially their fault. They are the ones with bad parenting skills. It is hard to get along with your mom and i can only guess there is physical abuse that she lives with. Any woman that does not demand marriage after 3 years of relationship has a very low self-esteem issue and her boyfriend is a selfish punk with no true sense of responsibility to others. That marriage is only a "piece of paper" arguement only works when there no children involved.
I dont think you need to meet your "father". I say this because women tend to date a simular type of guy. Your mom makes bad choices. There is a big chance your "father" is probaby just like your mom's boyfreak. Just consider that he has all these years to contact you.
if you do come in contact with your "father" thank him for begetting you then say be-getting-out-of-my-life.

Answer 4

I appreciate in which you are coming from. But simply so as to add a further point of view and provide you a few meals for notion, suppose should you hadn't met them. You might consistently marvel what they have been like, marvel what sort of humans you got here from and potentially be afraid you would on no account discover out. I consider skills is energy and although it's tough to manage your bio loved ones rejecting you, I consider it is nonetheless well that you've the present of the skills of who they're, as a substitute than having to marvel.

Answer 5

Ahhhhh. Isn't matriarchy just so much more better than abusive patriarchy? This is the ideal feminist utopia. Sorry ladies. Kids deserve their mother AND FATHER. Look him up kid. Chances are he knows nothing about you. P.S. Don't ever be like your mom. Kids mean the world to them so long as money is involved. Cut out the money and moms cut out their kids. Go ahead and flag this as a bad answer or report it as a violation. It is expected. The truth hurts.

Answer 6

From your mother's reaction...It seems like she ran off with you before you were born. The easiest way to check it out and get started is to see if his name is on your birth certificate. If it's not, He may not even know about you. I would definitely look for him. This will haunt you until you do.

Answer 7

maybe your REAL father doesn't even know you were born. and maybe thats why your mother would not tell you anything about him. how do know that if he finds out he has a daughter it won't be the happiest day of his life. you could have brothers or sisters that you need to get to know. and make up for lost time. GO FOR IT. FIND HIM...GOOD LUCK
PLUS HOW DO YOU KNOW THAT HE HAS NOT BEEN LOOKING FOR YOU, IF HE DOES KNOW ABOUT YOU.

Answer 8

Take the chance. Your heart can take it. I guess the question you have to ask yourself is, can your heart take not taking the chance?

I wish you the very best of luck and I hope you find a warm and loving family who will welcome you with open arms. It does happen you know.

Answer 9

I would look for him and contact him but prepare yourself for possible rejection. I would want to know history most of all (especially for my children's sake) After that if he wants to continue a relationship go for it , but take it slow.

Answer 10

unless you need a kidney than why bother . . spend time with your own kids do the things you wished your dad would have done with you . . savor every moment they spend with you and know that your a good man for doing it.