Is an anxiety disorder to blame for this?

Question

I have serious problems making new friends. When I’m in a social situation I clam up and find it incredibly hard to talk to anyone- I usually end up looking for a reason to escape. When I end up talking to new people I come across as cold and unfriendly, even though I don’t mean to. My voice is so quiet that I often have to repeat myself, and if I try to speak up louder I sound harsh to my own ears. I don’t know why I can’t carry on a normal, friendly conversation with a stranger, but I’m in my second year of Junior College and I’ve not made any new friends because I have so much trouble just putting myself out there. I avoid the college parties and social events because I dread the crowds and possible interaction. I even decided not to enter a poetry contest that I probably could have won, because I would have been required to read my writing in front of others in a casual, party-like setting. I don’t generally care what people think of me- I don’t try to avoid getting weird looks (I tend to dress on the strange side) but having to speak terrifies me.

I have one good friend from high-school who I sometimes go out with, but because of our work schedules I don’t see her or even talk to her often. I hardly have a social life at all- I only go out occasionally and usually with family members. The only friends I can claim to have made recently are people I’ve met over the internet, who live in other states or countries, which I realize is pretty sad. I’m extremely shy and I always have been, but I’m wondering if I might have an anxiety disorder. This is seriously causing problems for me- I don’t want to be a friendless homebody forever!

Answer 1

I completely understand. I know that it is easy to feel like a loser when you have so few friends, just don't let it get to you.

I have had social anxiety since I was about six or seven and it sucks, I know. If you have a doctor that you feel comfortable with, go to tho him/her. It will be really tough, but please go try. Telling someone makes you feel so much better. Getting that load off of your chest can help you to shift your attention from feeling terrible to working on how to become more active socially.

I do hope that being uncomfortable talking to people face to face is the worst of your problems. I can't even use the phone without talking myself through it (unless it's my mom calling)!

Good luck with recognizing your issues and I wish you the very best with your recovery!

Answer 2

Sounds like an anxiety disorder. The question is whether you need to go on meds and into therapy. By going the medical route, you risk more thinking of yourself as a victim.

You have identified two things that interfere with your socialization, 1) fear of speaking and 2) potentially a strange appearance.

Perhaps you should put a new foot forward and give yourself a few weeks to warm up to new people at school. Without cloning the style of everyone else, adjust the way you dress so that you feel comfortable about your appearance.
Instead of being a sincere expression of your individuality, your dress may be subconciously calculated to keep you away from others.
Being more social is going to feel like an effort, and it will take more work than you are having to expend now. But it will reward you with perhaps some new friends and a comforting sense of belonging.
Best wishes to you. :)

Answer 3

Almost everybody has anxiety but it is the doctors who act like Gods who label it that when you get panic attacks. See this site below which can help you. At bottom it tells about another page which goes into the disorders.

Site below helps with self esteem. Maybe you should do some singing in the shower to learn to talk louder. In fact make sure to talk loud enough so people can hear you 6 feet away. You need to practice. If you have never played tennis you will not be good. Actually it is the tennis pros who practice 4 hours a day. When I was in NYC, a guy asked me "How do I get to carnegie Hall." I said " Practice. practice." That is an old joke.

Also they have personal growth seminars like Insight. At them, that is what you do and people can change a lot. I have done some of them. One woman on the first day looked terrified. A few days later she was very relaxed. Here is the paradox-- the people who are good with other people have less of a need for friends. You need to become really good friends with yourself first.

http://www.phifoundation.org/happiness.html

Answer 4

It might be good to talk to someone about it, someone who you can trust and won't judge you for it. Talking to a therapist is a good idea, if you don't feel comfortable telling someone you know. I've had a similar experience.

It's a good sign when you say you want to change the way you approach social situations. I think everybody has to some degree social anxiety. Don't worry so much about how or what you say. If you feel the need to say something, just say it. Be less self-conscious and don't worry about the outcome. Maybe you're just not comfortable with yourself, learn to like things about yourself and discover what unique gifts you have. You got to start somewhere, so go out and be social. Go to one party per week. Be confident and enthusiastic, people like to be around positive people. It may be hard at first, but you'll be surprised how many people you'll meet! Good luck.

Answer 5

Your self-diagnosis seems to be head-on, but you still need to talk to your doctor about it, try meds, therapy, or both at once for best results.

I went through an anxiety phase myself recently and am currently doing better via 3 medications believe it or not, along with weekly behavioral therapy.

One resource I think may be the solution for you is the Midwest Center for Anxiety, which is the #1 non-pharmaceutical depression and anxiety solution. 902417 people have been helped to date using this program.

It was founded by a woman who was very much like you, with anxiety so great she didn't even go out of the house sometimes, but now she has been better for like 20 years by simply talking about her condition to a physician who cared and listened every week.

I think instead of meds and traditional talk-therapy, you should really consider buying this program, which has a 30 day money back guarantee by the way.

You have nothing to lose by trying this program unlike with medications or traditional therapy and I firmly believe it will change your life.

God bless you and help you!

Answer 6

A good counsellor could help you with this. Sometimes people need medication for social anxiety. Certainly sounds like you have anxiety that negatively affects your life in social situations. What a shame. Go to a counsellor with a phd and sort it out; life is too short to go around feeling tense about being around other people. Be proactive! Intelligent people find intelligent solutions to the things that bother them.

Answer 7

Sounds like me!!! and let me tell you that Yes- it's social anxiety which I just recently was diagnosed with. You should see a psychologist/psychiatrist. I hear there's stuff out there and therapy techniques that show a 70 -90% effective. I was diagnosed because I decided to see if I could enter this anxiety study through my insurance primary care physician at Kaiser and I was told it's a nationwide study so you might want to find out about this. The lady that screened me was the one to tell me the about the success of this therapy so see if you can find out about it. Good luck sister!

Answer 8

Has this problem ever occured before? I believe you are not shy and a little more conciouncess than normal. To be sure, however, you should seek professional help not just someone else.
I hope it gets better. A lot of people have that fear of talking to other people. Try to relax a little. Even if you think your voice is to loud it is probaly different from another perspective.

good luck

Answer 9

Hi there, I just laugh about my past 3 years of panic now. I was not able to go anywhere without carrying xanax. Fear of having another attack was the most important subject of my days.When i first found joe barry's web site i started to cry because of my happiness.

Free audio to end anxiety and panic attacks fast?

Answer 10

I had anxiety problems alot. I think that is your problem your anxiety. I had it most of my life. I suffered alot from having it. I was also really quiet, and shy like you, and worried alot. One day I woke up and decided it was time to go for help. I started with a therapist, she suggested that I go to a psycharist to get on medicine. To this day, I am a different person. You will be too with help. Good Luck!