my partners irish and i love telling him irish jokes it always pisses him off i sick of his english one tho
2006-10-26 07:38:54 · 13 answers · asked by lisa h 2 in Entertainment & Music ➔ Jokes & Riddles
Pat & Mick walking along a lane bordered by forest, see a notice saying "Tree fellers required". Now der's a pity, says Pat, if only
Terry was wid us we could have had a job.
Paddy walks into a bar where television news shows a guy on ttop of a tall building threatening to jump. Barman says "A fiver says he jumps" & Paddy takes the bet. The guy jumps, so Paddy offers his fiver. Barman says "I can't in honesty take your money - saw this on lunchtime news." Paddy says "So did I, but I didn't think he'd do it twice".
2006-10-26 07:56:25 · answer #1 · answered by artleyb 4 · 3⤊ 1⤋
an Irish man goes for a job interview and is doing well, the interviewer asks him to draw his interpretation of the number 3. to which the man proceeds to draw a tree, the interviewer then asks him to expand his answer to 33, the Irish man scribbles all over his tree and says "there dirty tree", the interviewer then asks him to elaborate on this making the number 33 1/3. the man looks scornfully at the interviewer and draws what resembles dog poo next to the tree. Confused, the interviewer asks him what this is supposed to be, to which the Irish man responds its dirty tree and a turd.
2006-10-26 15:05:36 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Ennis and Paddy were in a rowboat both three sheets to the wind... and fishing, one pulls up an old lamp. Ennis says "Rub it, tis bound to have one them geniis inside." And sure enough, a genii appears in a loud bang and puff of smoke, and says I'll grant you a wish for settin me free. So the two put theit heads together and came up with that they wanted some more drink. So Paddy says to the genii, "Make this a lake of Stout!" and the genii nodded and poof the lake was stout as far as they could see. Ennis and Paddy were ecstatic and began drinking and drinking.... then suddenly Ennis boxed Paddy's ear. "Whadya do that for?" Ennis said "So Now we have to p*&& in the boat!"
2006-10-26 15:06:52 · answer #3 · answered by De 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
An Irishman came home unexpectedly and found his wife in bed with his best friend.He was so distressed that he rushed to the drawer,took out a revolver and pointed it to his head.
"I can't take this," he cried.My wife and my best friend in bed together. I'm going to shoot myself."
At this the wife began to laugh.
"I don't know what you're laughing at," said the Irihman."You're next."
What do you call an Irishman with an IQ of 12?--A village.
Did you hear about the Irish helicopter crash?-The pilot got cold so he turned off the fan.
Did you hear about the Irish attempt on Mount Everest?
They ran out of scaffolding.
2006-10-26 15:03:00 · answer #4 · answered by the gunners 7 · 4⤊ 0⤋
Teacher asks her class in science lesson:
" I'd like you all to write down a sentence containing the word Contagious'
After 10 minutes she turns to the class and asks little Mary Smith to read out her sentence.
Mary Replies; ' Influenza is highly contagious and the elderly should have an injection to protect against infection'
My goodness, what an impressive answer Mary, says the teacher.
Next, the teacher asks Timmy Jones to read his sentence:
Timmy begins..' We all need to give more to third world charities to help them stop the spread of contagious diseases"
"Tremendous Timmy, well done'' said the teacher...."and finally Fergus O' Malley can we hear your sentence?"
Fergus stands up and reads..." Me next door neighbour is goan ta paint his whole house wit a wan inch brush, me father says it'll take the c*nt ages"
2006-10-26 15:00:15 · answer #5 · answered by Tetanus Tim 3 · 4⤊ 0⤋
The Irish love muslims. Before 9/11 the Irish were terrorists, now they are merely Riverdance people.
2006-10-26 15:58:06 · answer #6 · answered by Courage 4 · 1⤊ 3⤋
What's Black and Blue and lays crying in the corner?
An Englishman who tells one to many Irish Jokes.
2006-10-26 14:48:08 · answer #7 · answered by jabelite 3 · 3⤊ 1⤋
I know a funny limerick, is it irish enough?
There was a maid from Madrass
Who had a magnificent a s s
not rounded and pink, as you probably think
But gray, with long ears, and ate grass!
2006-10-26 14:45:06 · answer #8 · answered by Mondschein! 5 · 0⤊ 2⤋
1.an irishman walked out of a bar.
2. how many irishmen does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
two. one to hold the bulb, and the other to drink until the room spins
3.barmaid: Paddy what are those two bulges in the front of your trousers?
Paddy: two hand grenades, lass, the next time that queer O' Flaherty tries to fondle me balls, e's gonna get his bloody fingers blown off!
2006-10-26 14:47:05 · answer #9 · answered by spoonman 3 · 3⤊ 1⤋
little Sean is late getting to school and his teacher asks him why. sorry miss he says but my dad got burned. oh dear says the teacher, i hope he wasn't badly burned. Sean replies, well miss, they don't f**k around at the crematorium
2006-10-26 15:12:14 · answer #10 · answered by mine of useless information 1 · 2⤊ 0⤋