Pilots Only Please! Marriage and your career.?

Question

My husband dreams of being a commercial pilot. I would love for him to live his dream, but don't think I can make all the sacrifices. He has worked in the industry for 13 years. He knows many pilots. He tells me a lot of them have marriage trouble or are divorced. Mostly because they put so much time into fly they put their marriage second. Their wives got fedup of always being broke. He has been offered a good management job in the middle of nowhere. I don't want to move there because there is nothing. No restaurants/department stores nothing it's really in the middle of nowhere. He wants the job because he can maybe fly with them in the future. I don't want to make the move. We have a 1yr old daughter and I don't want to live like that. I want to support him, but don't want to struggle for the next 5-10 years until he is making enough $ to pay the bills. Is it really worth all the sacrifices we have to make?? Please tell me your success or failures.

He already has his commercial license and has built up about 500 hours. We currently own a Cesna 150.

Answer 1

If he has been in the industry for that many years then he is probably too old to take the military route. I have had USAF student pilots that were 31 years old but they were on age waivers.

What licenses and how much flying time does he currently have? Saying that you want to suddenly become an airline pilot is much like saying "I want to become a lawyer" or "I want to become a doctor". The fact is, it takes years of training and experience before you are fully qualified to fly for a major carrier. And all the while, he won't be making much money. Taking the military route would have been much easier but again, I'm not sure how old he is so he may be too old. Also, keep in mind that if he is flying under part 121, he will be required to retire at the age of 60 with nothing more than a 401K unless he flies for FedEx or UPS. So if he is 30 years old then he is already way too late to suddenly try to do this for a living.

I know that within the military, C-5 Galaxy aircrew members have the single highest divorce rate, and there are hundreds of careers within the military. Of all the different airplanes within the military, heavy airlift is probably the most similar to an airline job. The fact is, if he goes through with all of this, goes through all of his training, gets the required numbers of hours, and gets hired by a major carrier, then during his first several years of employment, he will spend quite a bit of time away from home. And until he actually reaches this point, while flying commuters, corporate, etc. (to build his flight hours) he won't make much money at all. As he builds seniority he will have a greater say in his schedule, which flights he takes, and he will be able to adjust his schedule so that he is home more.

How old is your husband? How far is he in his flight training? These two questions are the biggest variables to work with. Feel free to e-mail me and we can talk further about all of this.

Answer 2

First ... does he already have his licenses? Working with a company does NOT guarantee that you will be hired as a pilot for them, only the interview and subsequent sim check will tell them whether or not he is a competent pilot. Have you been to this place where he's been offered a position? Is it within 30 miles of a town? You might discover that you LOVE small towns that have access to larger cities since it offers you both the quiet of the country and the convenience of a city. Are you not sure that your marriage will survive anyway? My parents were divorced because my mother wasn't secure in their relationship enough to stand by my dad while he worked his butt off to support our family and now he's doing AMAZINGLY well for himself with UPS and she's got nothing. Being a pilot is ABSOLUTELY a dream, and beginning pilot pay does suck, as of March of next year I hope to find a starting position paying more than $18,000! I have known many pilot families and yes, divorce rates are high, but if you love the person and you can understand they won't be home very much in the beginning but WILL after a couple years of hard work, then you will most certainly be able to make it through. Pilots go through a lot, and they're stressed out from extreme changes to their lives daily, they need support. In my case, I suspect it will be much more difficult to find a man who is willing to have me be away so much than it would be for someone who is already married or in a relationship since that person would be willing to make sacrifices to better the relationship! Bottom line is 1) do you think you have a strong relationship? 2) he isn't guaranteed any pilot position, so you have to make that clear, and see if he really wants the position anyway 3) don't listen to what everyone else says, it plants the seed of doubt...you already have a family, you have to make it work through diversity anyway, i wish my mother could have understood that my dad loved her and wasn't punishing her and being away from her because of any other reason that he was working! I wish you all the luck, and being a pilot pays off in the end, but it does take a long time to get there!

Answer 3

I am in about the same situation right now. I am a low time commercial pilot with a wife, two year old and a baby, and I am working as a full time aircraft mechanic because it pays well but I have a commercial pilot license and a Cherokee 140.

Right now my wife is actually pushing me to apply to a smaller company up north to fly because she knows that flying makes me happy. She hates the cold and doesn't want to leave civilization and we don't know how we will survive on the wages, but she is fully supportive. There are alot of cool things you can do in the bush that you can't do in the city. And when you return to the city you will appreciate it more. Any marriage will fall apart if one or both spouses are selfish. If my wife didn't support me, I wouldn't have even got my private license.

As far as money goes, its only money. No matter how much you have you always want more. And I'm hoping that if I stick it out it will pay for itself eventually with a good paying job or running our own charter company.

Answer 4

Of course it does. But specifically speaking to Careers, the biggest reason people stay is because they are challenged on a daily basis and go home with a feeling of accomplishment. Don't let the old and especially incorrect belief fool you: "I would stay/work harder if only they paid me more" Bad workers are deluded by this belief. When you start a job, within 1 month you are already working as hard or as easy as you would in that job. And getting double the paycheck won't affect your work ethic. That's a myth. The best thing to do is consistently give yourself a gut check and ask whether you are adequately challenged. If the answer is no, make your own efforts to take on challenging things and see to it that management is supportive of your effort. If management is not supportive and you feel stagnant, then it's time to move on. Regarding relationships, it's a matter of finding someone you can communicate with both on a verbal and non-verbal manner. That's the essence of soulmates. Though there will be dryer and slower times for any relationship, being with the one person who keeps your interest in conversations is the best thing you could possibly have. Forget looks, sex, traveling, etc...if you can find someone you can communicate with (AND ESPECIALLY SOMEONE WHO CAN MAKE YOU LAUGH) that is the person you should be with.

Answer 5

Conflict or anger itself does not have to cause an irreparable rift between partners. With good communication skills and a shared commitment to a marriage, even these are surmountable. How to save your marriage https://tr.im/qMS2N

However, at that point where one partner is at the brink of abandoning the relationship, how can the remaining partner save their marriage? If you are at the point where your spouse has asked for a divorce, what can you do?

You must realize first that, you do have a choice. Often, when confronted by a crisis, we find ourselves backed into a corner thinking we have no choice in the matter. How can we change the situation when it involves another person's feelings or decisions? While we cannot, must not and in no way manipulate, blackmail or threaten our partner into changing their mind, we can actually control how we react to the situation. If anything, you must realize that you still have control over yourself. You have the opportunity to look inward and take responsibility for your own feelings and actions and even have the chance to take personal inventory of what your partner is trying to tell you. Are there points in your marriage that must be changed? If so, respond appropriately and proactively.

Answer 6

Well My wife didn't want me to fly because of being gone so long and all of that. So I decided not to go that route when I had a great opportunity to do so. Five years later she left me for a pilot.......hmmmmmm

Answer 7

It sounds like you want to be watching him all the time. I would say do the guy a favor and dont put him through your rules. Let the guy have his career and you have yours. Let him pay his child support and both of you get on with your life.

Answer 8

no, its not worth it