I am having a problem with my family/parents - I do not like hugging. I don't enjoy the chest squishing (I'm a large C), the feeling of "having to do it every time we see each other" (I see them almost every weekend), or the general uncomfortableness of the whole act. I personally do not believe it expresses how I feel or shows what I am not feeling for someone. I have expressed my dislike of hugs to my mom and step-dad. They acted upset & dismissive of my feelings calling it silly. After the hugs continued I've brought it up multiple times. They get upset but say "fine you win we won't hug you." My problem is they keep doing it. My mom started crying again after I brought it up last weekend. I feel this is a major problem that I don't see getting resolved. This whole thing makes me want to avoid them. What can I do?
Additional info: I have really never had anything traumatic happen to me - no abuse, no deaths of family or friends, etc. & I am affectionate in intimate relationships.
2006-10-06 17:23:16 · 12 answers · asked by apple093080 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
I'm 25 & college educated. My mom is very mild termed and a social worker.
2006-10-06 17:27:55 · update #1
Try to make it clear to them what you just wrote- you simply aren't comfortable with expressing emotion through hugging. True, they probably will be hurt, but just keep calmly explaining it to them and hopefully they'll understand. Good luck. :)
2006-10-06 17:26:43 · answer #1 · answered by L 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I can see that this would be painful for your parents, and to them it must feel like rejection, especially your mom. Try talking to her about it on the phone or in a letter where it won't be such a confrontational thing. Try to explain that it isn't a rejection of her, but you are just uncomfortable with that kind of thing and you would like to visit without having to do the hugs - and in fact, because they continue to give you hugs, even after you've asked not to, it may prevent you from visiting so often. It's got to be a hard thing, but you need to work it out with them so you can continue seeing them.
2006-10-07 00:34:05 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Avoid them - for a while. If they keep doing it, despite knowing your feelings about it, then you need to get away for a while and let them figure out how serious you are about the issue. Some people can't just be told to stop something, they need to see a consequence in action.
Oh, and don't worry about not liking hugs. It just means you don't fit the stereotypical view of a woman being an emotional wreck who needs to feel loved every second of every day.
2006-10-07 00:28:53 · answer #3 · answered by brimmy 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
this is a simple issue of personal space and privacy.
as an adult you have the right to set your own limits.
I suggest you immediately stop seeing them. Tell them you will resume your visits when you believe they have accepted your wishes. Make them wait at least three or four weeks for good measure.
It's my opinion that you should sometimes let your mom touch you, perhaps by holding your hand for half a minute, but I agree that weekly hugs is over the top.
2006-10-07 01:09:20 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
There is nothing wrong with not wanting people to hug you. When they come towards you put out your hand and make them shake hands, If they continue to try to hug you tell them you have a very bad nerve in your back and hugs irritate it so you are off hugs for life, they will eventually get used to you not giving or getting hugs
2006-10-07 00:29:18 · answer #5 · answered by rkilburn410 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Although it is who you are, I think for your mother you make exceptions. She deserves to feel loved and affection from you. I understand not liking the whole hugging thing. I was like that too but as I have done it more and more, I have grown accustomed to it. Give this one gift to your mom. What if she were to die tomorrow, you would not want this guilt to live with. God bless you.
2006-10-07 00:32:20 · answer #6 · answered by oneradnursey 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Dont feel the least bit upset if you do not like hugging anyone. Family or not. It is your personal space and you do not want any one in it, even if just to hug.
State you ground and if they do not like they can go and hug someone else.
2006-10-07 00:29:59 · answer #7 · answered by LadyCatherine 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
maybe you should explain better to your parents why you don't like hugging...tell them not only with them you don't hug but with everyone else..tell them you felt uncomfortable hugging all the time we met each person...try to find other alternatives to show your gladness in meeting them.. i'm sure one day they will understand... i don't have any problem here in asia because hugging is not the way we greet people..we usually shake hands or just say hi..hope i will help you.. ('',)
2006-10-07 00:33:31 · answer #8 · answered by Princess G 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Shoot! My whole family of femmes is busty...and we just springboard off each other.
If ur all skiddish about it tuck ur elbows in front of you or just make the hug real quick with a lean in kind of hug like you gotta do with the guys!! lol
2006-10-07 00:44:47 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Wow this is a tough one.
Why don't you say to her, lets substitue the hugs for a kiss on the cheeks instead?
2006-10-07 00:28:27 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋