we were together 2 years before I discovered he had a felony (distrubuting drugs). I was dissappointed by the news but conviced myself to stay.This decision is now taking its toll. Problem is I make more money, I attend college and will soon be increasein my income again. My boyfriend is employed (pt)and has been for the 6 yrs we have been together, but it is not enough. He brings home about 500 dollars a month. Needless to say I end up carrying the relationship b/c nothing is ever 50/50. I was a single parent before I met him, and we now have a child together. I know he wants to be here to help raise him but I resent him for not making enough to even take care of us, and he is limited to what type of jobs he can have so this is not going to change soon. Me being with him reminds me of the life I am trying to leave behind (section 8, food stamps, hand outs, but as long as I am with him I will be stuck in this predicament, am I wrong to want out ?
2006-09-30 17:01:30 · 21 answers · asked by nene 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Other - Family & Relationships
It doesn't sound like it's really the felony that's bothering you so much as the inequality of the contribution.
If you feel angry or resentful, it's not right or wrong, it just is.
Maybe you could see a counselor for a few sessions to help clarify your feelings, and then maybe ask him to see a counselor with you.
Maybe you could start by letting him know how you feel.
Maybe he could look at some other options to improve his life and his income - such as going to school.
I would say give it a shot to be very honest with him about what you feel and see how he responds.
If he can get a better job and support you more, great.
If not, you can still leave, and it's okay to feel that need.
2006-09-30 17:08:43 · answer #1 · answered by a_blue_grey_mist 7 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Your relationship with him has been built on a lie or at least him hiding his past. Now, the problem as I see it is that you have known for 4 years about his past, right? You even went so far as to have a child with him. Poor judgement. But yes, I can see how now you can see a bit more clearly. Things are probably not going to change. Two kids to raise and he is only bringing in $500 a month? It should be closer to $5000!
I must have missed something here. He is your "boyfriend?" You have a child by him and you didn't even bother getting married? Well then, seems like there is not much commitment to begin with. What are you even talking about then? Seriously. What is up with that? You and he must not have wanted to stay together, so split. Too bad about the kid in the middle.
You two might sometime consider what your behaviors are having on the children. Get into a stable situation somewhere and get a family going, a real family, where the children can depend upon seeing parents. That means the father of the child you just had still needs visitation and to help support him/her, too.
2006-09-30 17:11:58 · answer #2 · answered by NeoArt 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Never wrong to want out and better yourself if you feel he's holding you back let him go He's a grown man he can deal for his self .On the other hand if you really love him.Suggest that he try to go back to school and get some kind of trade under his belt let him no that you have more than just a relationship you have a partner ship and you need him to stand up and be a man don't let him hide behind that felony stuff that's his excuse that you've probably heard from him so much that now it's starting to rub of on you .Let's be real he's not locked up now so what does he do all day and really 500 a month no mama Tell him get it together you got two kids and you can do bad by yourself .
2006-09-30 17:17:45 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think you should follow your dreams and do what's in the best interest of you and your child.
However, I do think you need to talk to him and see if maybe he could get a full time job before you just end it all. He deserves a shot to turn his life around just like you did. Obviously, no matter how little the contribution was, he supported you financially and emotionally while you were bettering yourself...and you didn't care that he was only working pt for the past 6 years you've been together. Does it really matter how much he makes as long as he loves you and your child?
2006-09-30 17:12:28 · answer #4 · answered by Jen B 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
My view is this: two people in a relationship should be able to take care of themselves, financially and otherwise. Your boyfriend can't make it on his own. I'll bet it's always been this way for him. He expects to be taken care of, and it's probably not going to change, either with you or anyone else. You can still co-parent even though you may not be together, but I 'll bet he won't go for it. That's the predicament you're in. You must look after your own best interests, because no one else will. Try to get past the guilt-tripping that is going on at one level or another, and get out there and live your own life, not someone else's.
2006-09-30 17:31:11 · answer #5 · answered by Chatelaine 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
if you love him then i think you should stick by his side because the way the economy now is, he is lucky enough to even have a job cause most men with felonies do nt even work, at least he his trying wether its 500 or 5000 a month something is better than nothing and dont judge him becase you never know when you may hit rock bottom and that 500 dollars will mean more to you than youll ever know, so yes you are wrong.
2006-09-30 17:13:13 · answer #6 · answered by Ms.Lincy 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Where is the adult in this relationship?
Six years together & he is your "boyfriend"?
A felony conviction that you don't know about?: Don't you talk together? I would think that ithis information is important.
Money: Respect: Commitment: Children: Future: Stability are a few things to address.
Life is difficult. He doesn't sound like a prize but you have been with him for six years and have a child. GO TO A TRUSTED COUNSELOR; WORK on your life.
GOOD LUCK!
2006-10-01 17:01:15 · answer #7 · answered by ThomasR 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You knew what you were getting. You had (Another) child and now you have out-grown the man. Or, your common-law husband. Six years! I guess your first child probably thinks of him as Dad...
You will never be truly rid of the man because you have a child together.
I'll bet he watched the children, for you to get 'your' education, right? What was that worth?
It may be YOUR turn to stick by this guy and let him go to college.
Don't throw your family away... because you have become selfish. Time about, is fair play. That is unless you have already picked out some other man.
2006-09-30 17:06:35 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
No! there is nothing wrong for wanting to improve your life and that of your kids. he can have visitation rights and still be a parent, but you do not have to put up with the situation, have you talked to him about it? remember if you do be tactful and try ending it in a friendly way. explain to him that you want out and that you've been there before (section 8, foodstamps and so on.) and he either find a different job , or a second job your not going to carry him. tell him you want more and better for yourself and the kids.
2006-09-30 17:10:55 · answer #9 · answered by whisper 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Well, his past is troubling to you and him I am sure, he made some mistakes that cant be taken out, I know you dont like handouts and whatnot, but maybe for awhile you can use a hand, i wouldnt call it quits, because the next guy you get could be in the same position as well, we all go through rough times in life, because just remember there are kids involved, just think of them, leaving him wont help any, for me, I usually pray about it, then go about a decision, but leaving wont help, it will all work out for the best.
2006-09-30 17:07:15 · answer #10 · answered by mogler_p 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋