I don't know what to do.?

Question

I am a registered nurse at a very respectable hospital, I am 35 years old and so is the man that I am pregnant for. I have loved him since I was 17 years old. He has been on drugs for 10 years I have done everything to keep him clean and sober I have put him in the finest rehab centers across the states, I have got him out of jail so many times. I am 7 months pregnant and I lost a baby 1 year ago. I have been in and out of drug houses looking for him and when I do find him I bring him home and sober him up and then it goes back to the same thing. I love him so much I'm loving him from the streets.

Answer 1

Well stop it!You're not loving him from the streets.All you're doing is showing him that no matter what he gets himself into you're there to babysit.He's safe and secure knowing you're there so he never has to deal with reality!
You've got to worry about yourself and your baby.You've done all you can for him and in doing so all you've done is become his crutch.
he does'nt have to worry about anything cos you're there to take care of whatever he gets himself into.You fix his problems cos he's too busy feeling sorry for himself and wallowing in his own misery to fix them himself.
I've been in your shoes.I know exactly how you feel and can tell you that it's going to hurt you deeply but you have to let him go.
Catch him at a time he's not high and tell him you're too old and too tired to put yourself thru this anymore.You love him but you will NOT drag a newborn into a crack house to get him out.You've tried to help him and he's done nothing but spit in your face for your effort.You have a good job and can afford to make a decent life for your child on your own.You don't need him dragging you down and you'll not have your child growing up ashamed of it's father.Better he not know him at all than see him in that condition ever.
Tell him you don't want it to be this way.That you want him in your life always.But you can't have him there if he's going to continue to kill himself in this manner.So it's either life with you and your child or death with drugs.It's his decision.
I guarantee he'll want to stay and will blubber all over you about how he'll change and you'll be able to count on him to stay clean for the baby.And you'll cry and forgive him and be happy that it's all gonna be just fine.Then later on that same day you'll find him higher than a kite again.
At that time you need to wash your hands of him.No matter how it hurts you do not go looking for him.Do not try to help him in any way.Avoid him like the plague!
Once he figures out you truly mean it he'll either get help and get his life together or he won't.It's his decision to make not yours.You can't go thru life dragging a lump of human flesh behind you.Trying to pull him up will only drag you down and you've got way too much going for you to waste anymore time on someone who does'nt want help.
Mine straightened himself up got clean and came crawling back.Lifes been good for 10 years now.I hope things go the same for you.

Answer 2

You need a reality check. Stop torturing yourself. How can you expect him to love you when he can't even love himself enough to keep off drugs or whatever he's addicted too? He can't take care of himself much less you and a baby. This situation will not change because all you are doing is enabling him. Stop stressing about someone whom you cannot control or help and get a grip on your own life. I am not saying this to be mean I am saying this from experience.

Answer 3

I'm so sorry for your situation. My best hope is that seeing his baby will be the motivation he needs to get and stay clean.

However, you can't make anyone do anything. He has to do it for himself. It sounds like you are doing a lot of work for him. What is he doing for you or for himself?

This will be really hard, but I think you need to let him go. Tell him you will be ready to help him when he is ready to be helped and then you need to focus on you and your baby. Does he have anyone in his life who is stable? A parent or sibling? Maybe they could be a point person for you and you could send them pictures and cards.

I think you should consider talking to a professional counselor or minister. There's nothing wrong with being a single mom and not telling people who the father is, but you need someone to talk to about how to let this man go. He will come back if it is truly meant to be.

Answer 4

Have you heard of "enabling" behavior? I'm sorry that he keeps sliding back but it sounds like he doesn't want "saved" and now you are having his baby! What about the child? Do you want him around the baby with his drug habits? Are you willing to risk your child being taken from you because of him? You need to make some choices now that it will include a baby. He just doesn't sound or have a track record that shows "daddy" potential. Good luck.

Answer 5

Oh Kimberly. You are about to bring a human being into this world. One of the most beautiful and rewarding things you will ever do in your lifetime on this planet. Don't waste your time (or your baby's time) with a man that's too selfish to be responsible. You think you love this goof ball... wait until baby comes. THAT is love. You don't need him. He will only cause you years of grief and sadness. Trust me.

Answer 6

First of all, priorities. Your first priority now is yourself, and then your baby. As much as you love this man do not chase after him. No one will ever change unless they want to - I know you've heard that before. It's true. And it has nothing to do with who the other people in their lives are.
Only if he sees how you have moved on with your life, and soon to be your baby's life, will he learn. Show him - be a good example, but do not chase him. He will come to you when he is ready for real change.

Answer 7

hmm interesting well sometimes the best thing is some tough love! cut him out of you and your baby's life just for a while. If this guy loves you he'll do something about his problem and if not u have to think whats more important him or you and your soon to be baby?

Answer 8

You know what to do
for the sake of your child move on, deep down inside you know that you are not in a healthy relationship, you know that only him can clean himself, also from your professional life you know that
he needs theraphy because he is a selfdistruct person
he needs to confront why he wants to kill himself
So time for you to give him tough LOVE
keep your strengh for your child and yourself
you will need it
Good Luck , Be strong &God Bless

Answer 9

You are about bad as he is to want something like him around a baby,they ought to pull your nurse licenses to even think such a thing.baby deserves better even if he comes out alright.why would you even get pregnant by a drug attic.

Answer 10

Good Grief Kim,,,,
Honey,, you need to get your act together and find some one that will treat you right ....

You sound like you could really be a good friend and wife to a guy,,,, and Lord knows I wish it were me,,, the way you take care of this loser your attracted to.... No offense,, your only dragging yourself down by sticking with him honey.......

Good luck