I think my mom has BPD....?

Question

I think my mom has borderline personality disorder. She lies about me to other family members, and even tells my friends lies about me. And I have had people say that she acts like she is jealous of me, not like a mother but a jealous sister or something. She has manipulated situations to make me look bad infront of my father, and he always takes her side and believes her. It just baffles me that a grown women would lie so openly and obviously.
When I confronted her about the emotional abuse she informed me that she had never done such things and also that she has never called me "stupid,ugly,dumb....ect." She said that I obviously think these things about myself and have "imagined" her saying them. (BTW these are things she has done and said to me my whole life!) I then called my brother(whom she is also abusive to) and asked him if he has heard her say these things to me, OF COURSE he said yes. And was also shocked she would try and make me think it was all in my head.

does this sound like BPD to you? How should I cope with this?

Answer 1

Your mother has mental illness, and regardless of what label we hang on it, there is much work to be done, with a real counsellor who you can talk with and strategize with to come up with a plan that is the most emotionally healthy for YOU.

I can tell from your other questions that you have had some traumatic events in your life recently and counselling would help you immensely. That does not mean that YOU are not mentally healthy, most people could benefit from counselling/therapy at some points in their lives, particularly times of high stress.

Based solely on what you have revealed thus far, my first impulse is to say, get away, as far away as you can from this manipulative monster, but that is a decision for the counsellor and you to decide to do at a time and in a way that will leave you stronger and in control of your own destiny.

Answer 2

I really think it's irrelevant to try to worry about putting a label on this, at least for now. What you've got to do now is find some way to cope with the situation in order to preserve your self-esteem as well as sanity.

I think your only ally at this point is your brother and I would suggest the two of you make an appointment with your dad to discuss the situation in depth. You need the moral support and validation from your brother here in approaching Dad. Do not include Mom in this initial meeting between you, your brother and Dad. Hopefully he will wake up and gently talk to your mom about how she's hurting you and the problem will be resolved at this point.

It's almost as if she's jealous of you like sometimes happens in the case of stepmothers and daughters vying for control over the father/husband. Your dad is in denial at this point and is enabling your mother, perhaps simply to keep the peace.

But, if your dad still persist in his denial after having the meeting between the three of you, I think you're going to have to go out on your own and seek professional help. I'm not saying you have the problem, but rather, that you need help in dealing with your toxic mother. My first step would be to talk either to your school counselor or clergy, if you do have a religious affiliation.

It sounds like ultimately there needs to be some sort of loving family intervention, done with the expertise of a professional, to help jolt your mom out of her dysfuctional denial and destructive behavioral patterns that are driving a wedge between you, her and your dad. This is not healthy and needs to be looked at honestly to preserve family unity and harmony. I do wish you well.

Answer 3

that's no longer accessible to diagnose someone without assembly them. The belongings you describe might want to correctly be from fairly some complications, the a number of from a personality ailment, some from substance abuse, some from a trauma historic previous. no count number what, even with the actuality that, it sounds like your mom is suffering, and causing you to struggle through. the base line is this has and is having an result on you. you would possibly want to exploit speaking with a therapist about your journey, and through the approach counseling you could strengthen some recommendations that grant you with the outcomes you want in coping with your mom's complications. no longer each and every answer suits with each and every relations, so attempt to locate someone who will pay interest to the specifics of your concerns.

Answer 4

I would record her to "catch her in her lie" she sounds like she has issues that deal maybe with her own childhood. It's too bad she can turn it off around your dad. Emotional abuse is not a good thing to deal with. I hope you don't have too much longer in that environment since "dad" chooses to not see the light of what is really happening.

Answer 5

i am not sure of the exact traits, but there is definitely something wrong. i would go talk to your dad and express the same concerns that you have written here.

Answer 6

yes!