My husband and I have gone through some difficult times over the last few years. From health to money problems and most recently his mom passed away very young (10 months ago) since then he has become even more distant. He says he doesn't knwo what he wants (whether to leave me or stay) and whenever I ask he says he needs more time. He says he has never felt close enough to me to relax or enjoy himself ( apparently other than when we made those kids ;) and he wonders if he has made a mistake. We have 2 small boys. He has never cared for (looked after) the boys or for me for that matter. He says he doesn't feel connection with them either.
He has had months to think...he has agreed to go to a psychiatrist (someday) because he was doing a little better when he was on some anti-depressant medication but he is still dragging his feet.
The question is...should I call him on it and tell him to decide whether he wants to stay and work on things or go...or do I wait out ?
2006-09-30 08:19:56 · 33 answers · asked by Sandra C 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
He needs more than a psychiatrist, he needs counseling. Psychiatrist usually prescribe medication but do not do much in the way of counseling. Before you two decide to call it quits, see if he will go to counseling. Sounds like he has some emotional issues he needs to work through. If he has not been able to connect with his own children, something is going on. Sometimes when people have allot of difficult times they shut down emotionally. He may be depressed. He needs a check up to rule out any medical issues, but for the sake of your children, try counseling.
2006-09-30 08:26:51 · answer #1 · answered by buckking_99 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Dont wait any more. He either gets help now, or you leave. That is horrible that he can even say the things he has. Like not feeling a connection with his own children, He has a serious problem. He better get help, cuz those children will eventually suffer from him being that way. They need their dad and they need him to care and love them. If he doesnt get help now, then Id get out. Its not healthy for any of you. Dont put yourself thru anymore. Theres someone else out there that will love you and your kids.
Hes in real need of an *** kicking or a shrink that can actually help him. He has real nerve to say those things about his kids whether he doesnt feel good or not. That is so hateful. Those kids dont deserve that....at all. And neither do you.
Make a move now, dont wait. Make him decide.
2006-09-30 08:30:20 · answer #2 · answered by ~~ 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sweetie, it's time to tell him to '**** or get off the pot'. Because of his selfishness he has inadvertantly put your life on hold as well.
It sounds like you are ready to cut him loose....so do it. He has no real relationship with you or your sons so it is time to tell him to move on. His remaining in your life like this isn't good for you or the kids. You have given him more than enough time to decide. His problem is that he is no longer "mama's boy" because she has gone on to a better place.
Everything happens for a reason. This is your chance to do great things. It will be better for you, in the long run, if you aren't carrying the dead weight. The fact is that your husband made up his mind (about you and your kids) a long time ago. Now it's time for you to give him that needed push out the door.
Good luck
2006-09-30 08:26:51 · answer #3 · answered by NyteWing 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Wow Sandra! I have a lot of love in my heart and I wish things were better for you. I jump out on a limb and say I dont thing things are going to last and yu need to be happier.Start looking for another life partner.Maybe start with a friendship while your present situation sends itself in some direction.I dont have much love for parents {him} that dont care and interact with their children.Start going to the gym and at least meet some friendly adults.They are there.Start a back up plan and have friends on hand for when and if if ends.If he cant move on and get to be a part of your life and his kids life,he is no good to anyone.If you ever need someone to talk too.I am here for you.I mean that.I am in a good marriage and know how lucky I am.
The very best of luck to you.
Love Charlie
2006-09-30 10:15:05 · answer #4 · answered by Nevada S 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I would call his bluff and make him go to see the psychiatrist or if he wont then tell him his thinking time is up now and he needs to make a choice because you don't need to be in a loveless marriage. He needs to realize that while he is making you wait he has 2 small boys that are waiting for their daddy and he needs to realize that he is not the centre of the earth and the world does not revolve around him.You need to make him realize this and if he chooses to move on then he needs to do this to realize what he had and what he lost.
Good Luck and Take Care
2006-10-02 02:50:11 · answer #5 · answered by Dawn 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
YOU leave. Why stick it out and wait for an answer from a guy who says he's never felt close to you? Why would you want to stay with a person like that?
I'm sorry that he lost his mom. I couldn't imagine that pain. Yet it has been 10 months. 10 months of your life that you could have been with someone who loved you.
Don't wait it out. Don't give him that power. Ask him flat out if he's in or out. If he's in, get some counseling and work it out, if he's out - kick him to the curb. If he still can't give you an answer -he's stalling - and you know what you need to do!
Best of Luck!
2006-09-30 08:30:50 · answer #6 · answered by jt 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You need intervention right now. The first step in the right direction is to get marriage consoling. If he refuses to go, I suggest that you go without him. Hopefully that will open your eyes to what is going on at the time. Sitting on the fence and waiting things out will only make the situation worse. Hopefully marriage counseling will help both of you decide what the next step should be. Good luck, and bless your sons!
2006-09-30 08:36:08 · answer #7 · answered by tannedknight45 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You should tell him to let you know what he wants to do ... if he has never felt really conected to you then it means he never really loved you...one day he will leave,and then it will be even harder for you,cause he will for sure leave,if you two don`t change things.It has no sense to ruin your life because of a men,yes he isn`t just a men,he is the one you probably love,and the father of your children,but this way none of you will be happy,don`t be affraid to raise your children alone,you probably do this already,if you say he is only absent.thats not normal.Make him to choose,if he doesn`t want to go on then leave.Don`t wait anymore...there are so many other guys out there that are dying to meet a wonderfull women...there are a lot of guys who love children and care more for children that aren`t theirs as the real father.you must go on and find someone special for whom you are the one and only.
Good Luck.Don`t let you down,do something for you.
I bet you have been there for him everytime when he was down,I am sure that you did everything to save your marriage,but when it doesn`t work out anymore,and he is not even trying it has no sense to stay more then til reading this message.
2006-09-30 08:29:50 · answer #8 · answered by donatella 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You married him for better or for worse, my suggestion is that you encourage him to seek some counseling. he has just lost his mother and you also stated that you have both suffered some financial and health issues. And you also mentioned that he was ok when he was taking some meds, well he probably needs to be taking those meds. Don't take what he has said to heart, he really needs to get some grief counseling and perhaps the two of you could seek some marital counseling. A marriage is a job, you must work at it. Good luck & God Bless.
2006-09-30 08:26:15 · answer #9 · answered by ? 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I can completely relate to what your saying cause I went thru it too. it is very fustrating waiting for a decision from your spouse while at the same time you can't move forward and have no idea what your future will look like. Then to make things even more fustrating... he's taking his sweet time to decide.
I eventually pressed the issue and got a divorce. I am much happier. I can't say it'll work for you. But I just wanted to offer you my sympathies and support. Good luck.
2006-09-30 09:09:17 · answer #10 · answered by Tony 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋