Why is it that people can be so hostile to those who suffer from a mental health condition?

Question

I have suffered from depression for the last 6 years, and as a result lost out from life. My own friends and even some family members have deserted me. It is so unfair, as i feel really rejected and isolated. I don't get invitations anymore and as a result have become socially inactive.

Answer 1

I too suffer with depression, and have done for many years. For a lot of them I didn't realise what was the matter with me, and as I have learned more about it I have understood that the causes can be related to other medical conditions, your body chemistry, trauma and other events or environmental.

Another factor in the way others treat you (or avoid you) is that; with mental illness they/you don't know what caused it, when it happened, what the treatment is and how long it is going take to recover!

This leaves people in the dark, they can be so unsure of what to say or how to behave with you that it becomes easier to avoid you. Actually they also may have some baggage that is affecting them, and causing some mental health problems, but they may be afraid to discuss it with you.

Some people with mental illness are, or appear paranoid and have 'psychosis'. Psychotic episodes especially can really alienate those who love you. You can appear to be unnecessarily blaming others for things and/or think that everyone is out to get you!

You have to be aware of these factors and consider the way you behave in company so that you do not alienate them or just bore them. The other answers suggesting this is ignorance I believe are correct, but that is not really their fault. As I have said they can be confused and possibly scared of what to say or how to behave with you. For your own peace of mind try to find a way of being with them, joining in and enjoying the discussions and humour.

You say you don't get invitations anymore: You will have to be proactive in seeing and getting in touch with people, maybe even apologising for upsetting them in the past if indeed you have. But always keep explanations and apologies to a bare minimum.

Finally though you will need to have people to talk to about it, maybe there is a yahoo group? But find someone.

Personally I do not take medicine for depression, but doing things makes me feel better. Even to the point that before starting this message I felt a bit down and now I feel a little up!

Good luck

Answer 2

Often, people become stressed out with things they don't understand. While 6 years is a long time to suffer through depression, it is not unheard of. Since you are going through such a phase in your life, I would suggest counseling to see what options are open for you now. As far as becoming socially inactive, you must realize that it is your responsibility and not others to make yourself active. Even something as simple as walking around the block can help you come back into a social circle. Gathering around those with the same interest need not be stressful either. At times when you even feel at your lowest, you can volunteer at one of many places such as homeless shelters or even an animal shelter. By connecting the dots one at a time you won't feel so secluded anymore. And by doing it a little at a time you will see a start in progress. Don't be afraid to fall back into "the pattern" you are in now. Progress takes time, and life takes work. And as far as the "hostile" people go, don't sweat the small stuff. There are so many people in the world, your life can soon be full of them when you take the first steps.

Answer 3

may times people do not understand what a person is going through when they have a mental condition. They either try and cannot, or just do not even want to try. I am sorry you are going through this. Depression can leave us feeling that way when there are a ton of people around, much less when others that we care about leave us. Unless you have had a disagreement with them in some way, they are in the wrong, not you. but you do need to get some help. I understand your situation, someone in my family assumed that I was avoiding them because I wasn't coming over every weekend. I am pregnant, going to school, and work full time. This depression stuff just tops it and I have tried to explain to her, but she is not understanding. Maybe the people in your life are not able to look at things from a different point of view like some of them are. Try and get some help. Or at least someone to talk to. Get some of the stress out. maybe it will help. Good luck.

Answer 4

Instilled in most of us are certain taboos, such that we don't make fun of people who are suffering especially from mental health issues, As such, alot and most family member might like to kid and joke around with each other when they get together and I fear you may have been left out, because of factors effecting the other members social conscience. Also, just a small reminder that you're most possiblely a patient of a certain doctor, this certain doctor may not wish for other people or even other doctors to treat you with out thier permission, as your family members strive in accordance, possibly not to harm thier own careers or ambitions. Your friends do want the best for you. Mental Issues scare some people, they like you, but not you and your condition, yet the most important ideal is that some how you become anything but depressed, Try throwing a party and getting some of those invitations out there yourself!!

Answer 5

Please accept my sympathy for your condition; I have been there.

Most of the posters (even the rather rude ones) have something useful to say. Here's my take:

A lot of people still view mental illness as a character flaw. That is ignorance, and that's their fault. Or, they don't know how to deal with someone that is mentally ill--we have no problem asking someone how their hurt knee is, but we don't ask about their psychoses.

However, some of the friends' withdrawal may be your fault as well. When you suffer from depression or mental illness, it can be very difficult (knowingly or not) to avoid taking it out on others, particularly friends and loved ones. You may not even notice that you are not fun at parties, rude on the telephone, etc. This, as you may have noticed, is one of the aspects that lets depression feed on itself.

Are you serious about dealing with your depression? You don't indicate any treatment, etc. If you really want to get better, try positive lifestyle changes, if that doesn't work, try counseling, and if that doesn't work see your physician. Medical and counseling professionals know a lot about depression, and in most cases treatment is straightforward.

Good luck.

Answer 6

It is hard not to come across as grumpy if you are depressed. Maybe some of them just think you are cross with them? Maybe you have turned their invitations down a few times and they have stopped asking?

Anyway, my message to you is to screw the lot of them, get yourself better by getting refered to, or paying for, some good cognitive therapy. And do some research into the best drugs. Some doctors don't know much, so be ready to do some work yourself. There is some advice in "The feeling good handbook" by a chap called Dr Burns.

Then, once you start to feel better, be proactive. Invite folk round for dinner, organise pub trips. They will return the favour and your social circle will widen naturally.

If it turns out they don't return the favour, they are faulty. Find knew friends. Get involved in clubs and groups that do stuff you find interesting and meet knew people that way.

Always focus on the positive. Appreciate those that haven't f***ed off. And those that have aren't worth thinking about. They aren't your sort anyhow.

Answer 7

Because you are basically unpredictably and people do not know how you are going to react to things that they say or do. Are you potentially dangerous? how do we know. Are you going to break down and have a fit on the floor? how do we know. If something we said offened you would you lash out or go and slit your wrist's.

These are the questions that most people think once they know that someone has had mental problems.

You should never have told anyone. Or you should find new friends.

I have had two friends that had mental break downs over boyfriends and when into homes for a year. I love them to pieces but I can tell that they are different and not the same person that I knew before the break down.

and people do get very mean and when they are not aroung gossip about Mental Sam.

Answer 8

I know what you are saying and the only LOGICAL explanation is that people want to be fit and active and depressed people stop them from being active - I suffer and battle with depression and being an outcast/ orphan on a daily basis, so don't think that I am having a go at you....... simply do what ever makes you happy and get out of bed in the mornings and active!!!
I am the ultimate loser.... I can never pass a test even if I try extremely freakishly hard.... even if I get the answers right they are always marked wrong!!
All I can suggest which has helped me to survive is just try whatever you can and do your best. People are selfish, everyone only cares about themselves.... but try to get yourself fit and be selfish too!!!

Answer 9

First it is very difficult for a person without the condition to understand it. dealing with a person who as depression can be very wearing and difficult. I know my wife has the problem.
There is also the factor that, quite unreasonable I know, they might get the same condition. There are of course people attached to the hospital who you can see and talk to. Various groups etc. Personally I have not found them a lot of help but that may just be in my particular area. It might be an idea if when you are feeling okay to try and explain to your family and friends what it is like having the condition. If they understand it better they can deal with it better. I know my sympathy is not a lot of help but you have it anyway. Good luck

Answer 10

Many people are afraid of or don't understand mental illness. But I think what you may be alluding to is alienation. Many people with serious depression, anxiety disorders, mania or other persistent mental disorders tend to push those closest away. It's completely unintentional and the person doesn't realize they're doing it. That combined with the people close to the person not understanding will cause this kind of alienation. For instance, people with persistent major depression usually will not want to talk to people or engage in social activities. People close to them usually do not realize that this is a symptom of the depression and will take it personally. I hope this makes sense and helps you.