ok.. my boyfriend and I are no longer in the honeymoon stage.. we have been together for almost 4 yrs now and things are dying down.. NOT HIM but me.. i have no drive anymore.. I will every once and awhile but it's not like it used to be, we were so crazy and soo happy to do it all the time.. now i use bj's as a way to get out of sex and I love having sex with him but I can't even get to the point where I want to do it.. and I am not able to have sex if I am not turned on before hand.. ya kno?! if your not horny then it just doesnt feel as good and you cant even fake it? anyway.. i would like to know if anyone else has gone through this and how to get my drive back .. my bf might be on his last leg.. he wants it all the time and tries so hard to do things to get me in the mood but i just keep saying "no" and telling him he is doing things wrong, when he isnt! its just me.. i used to love everything he is trying AHH HELP!
2006-09-27 06:38:47 · 17 answers · asked by tADA! 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Other - Family & Relationships
i think this is a mental problem not a physical one.. i am completely able to get in the mood but my mind wont go there..
2006-09-27 06:42:49 · update #1
thank you lala chic.. i needed that.. i love him and want to be with him forever and i just want to go to the next level.. atleast you guys are married.. i want to be engaged and all that good stuff.. but we have only gotten to living together so far.. and i am bored.. we need to get our asses in gear for the future..
2006-09-27 07:04:45 · update #2
Let me tell you, I have been w/ my boyfriend for 4 yrs too. Before sex was great, we wanted to do it all the time @ anytime and anywhere; all of a sudden we were thinking about other stuff like what r we gonna do in the future? what r we expecting from life? you know after 4 yrs you get to know the person and you get bored. I know you love him so much but you are just tired of the same thing, you know he wants to do it all the time and you dont, so your mind got used to it.
I was like that for a while (1 month) I didnt wanna do anything and I never knew why; but I was trying to help it in many ways and I just couldnt do it.
He has to come out w/ something different than sex, sex is good but there is more than that in a relationship that last for 4 yrs, try to do things together like going to dance, to walk, to picnics and simple things will help you alot, your mind is sick of thinking about "having sex" "having sex" so try to explain it to him.
When I was ready for it, he got cold, he didnt wanna do it as often as before, he was tired, he wasnt in the mood so I got mad, I understood that wasnt right, but I gave him his space and know it is getting better again.
Try to get w/ him rigth after you finish you period, your hormones will be high and it would be easier for you to get in the mood.
That's the only thing I can say about it, I know how you feel because I felt if before and I went throught it , so if you wanna have more conversations about it, let me know we may help each other!!!!.
2006-09-27 07:06:25 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
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2016-07-30 02:35:23 · answer #2 · answered by ? 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I was in the same situation...my bf and i just celebrated our 4 year anniversary.
First of all, Of COURSE you're going to be past the honeymoon phase if you guys are really close...i actually had to meet him in the next stage...which is just being comfortable around each other.
Your situation is a little different than mine however, i was surely just doing the actions for a while as well, but i didn't even realize it myself.
I discovered a lovely little thing called porn...and no it is not at all a replacement for my bf. I have recently started watching a lot of it and get really turned on by it and want him more...maybe you can try this.
Once you've watched enough of it alone, then maybe the two of you can watch some together...trust me...it will definitely turn the both of you on!
Don't be afraid of this phase though, and don't nit pick at his faults and flaws try to look past it and remember why you started dating in the first place.
2006-09-27 06:48:39 · answer #3 · answered by Patience 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
So.. you need to find out why your mind won't go there.
But even if you think its a mind thing... go see a dr. get a complete physical to make sure everything is working.
then.. find a good councelor you can talk to about this. you may find that you have other things going on in the back of your head (worries, anxieties, etc) that are interfearing.
It could also be that your mind is trying to tell you that you really are not ready for a committed relationship at this point in your life. You may need to just walk away from this and start dating again.. and date a lot of different people to find out what really gets you going and what doesn't and what you have to bring to the table. Then.. maybe in a few years you will be once again ready to committ to someone.
As for having a bf for 4 years and not thinking about marriage... that seems like you are getting to the point where that is or should be a very real option and it could be you are relalizing that he isn't the one for you but you are afraid to tell him (or yourself).
Talk to someone.. it WILL help!
2006-09-27 06:50:30 · answer #4 · answered by .... 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Oh girl you are right up my alley. I dated my boyfriend/now husband and I am like that. I was with him for 3 years before we got married and now we have been married for a little over 2 years and my drive is gone. I believe it's because we get to the point were there is no more excitement and it becomes a everyday chore. I know what gets me in the mood is when he will play with me you know where I am talking about and he will arouse me in that way but I guess it just gets like where ok here we go again. But see you are brave. My man would love to have bj and he can't even get me to do that cause it takes him to long to c*m and I am like I am to busy to sit here for an hour. Hopefully I helped you feel that you are not alone out there.
2006-09-27 06:59:47 · answer #5 · answered by lala_chic2003 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
End the relationship. You obviously can't have a future with someone who you aren't attracted to anymore. 4 years is long enough. You need more experience dating so when you do settle down, you'll be happy in all areas. Too many divorces in this world... It's difficult when you really care about someone, but after that long, it can become a habit. I had 6 year and 3 year relationships with dating in between and after. When I was alone for a while, I was finally ok with myself and the perfect man came into my life (15 years of an awesome marriage so far). Like I said, hard to end but the right thing to do probably. Don't dwell on being so close to his family, same group of friends, blah, blah, blah. Not easy, but time to move on.
2006-09-27 06:48:27 · answer #6 · answered by Betty Q 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You might be losing some of your feelings for him that you once had, otherwise if not, this is somewhat of a normal stage.
I have read some books before and seen the tv shows, and the "honeymoon" stage of where you are just flighty in love and touchy-gropey, well that is guaranteed to go away. No matter how strongly in love you feel with each other at first, that is guaranteed to go away and in return grows into a more mature and comfortable relationship with each other.
So.... it could be that your relationship has grown to where you are comfortable enough together that maybe even the thought of intimacy doesn't even appeal to you anymore. Some of your feelings for him might have been lost for one reason or another, sometimes people fall in love and then fall out of love for each other, or it could be a womanly hormonal thing too.... You could be really busy with things right now and tired or just plain not feel like it.
In any event, if a guy leaves you because of this, it would be really low. If he really truly loved you for who you are, he would respect how you're feeling at the time and just try to genuinely help you through it instead of just trying to land you straight back in bed.
2006-09-27 06:45:30 · answer #7 · answered by jennnnn 4 · 0⤊ 1⤋
I've been there, and it eventually passed. There could be alot of reasons for this. Are you on the pill? The pill can make you lose your sex drive. Also, for women it is more emotional, and for men its mor visual and physical. If you are having problems in your marrige,(they dont even have to be big ones. You could just feel like he doesnt show you that he loves you enough and always wants to have sex for example. If not don't worry It will pass. Try spicing it up with toys or a vidio or role playing. Fulfill one of your fantasies. That should work.
Good Luck!
2006-09-27 06:53:04 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think this is just normal. Dating for 4 years is like being married at that point. They say if a couple puts a penny in a jar for every time they do it the first year, and take one out every time for the rest of their lives they will never empty the jar! It is like a new toy at the start. It is important, for intimacy, to feel wanted, etc.
I recommend you get some ky jelly. It can help if you are not in the mood totally, but want to do it for him. You didn't state your age, but hormones, can also play a role.
2006-09-27 06:49:08 · answer #9 · answered by Beth M 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Is he meeting your emotional needs too? That's important for a woman to feel loved. It's not always about turning you on and getting you horney, it's also about if you feel loved by him in other ways too. I used to equate sex with intimacy and after a while it wouldn't work for me either. Ya know what did the trick? When we would go on long walks and just talk. We did things on an emotional level too where are "hearts" (for lack of a better word) would connect. Try other non-sexual encounters. See if that helps.
2006-09-27 06:45:10 · answer #10 · answered by lizerella 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋