I've been married 5 years...I'm a very social person and love to be surrounded by family and friends..I love to be the hostess but my husband is the total opposite. He measures everything in terms of money. So much so, that we sometimes argue about it too. I know I've changed now too because of him...I think I've killed my inner true self..is this a problem???? Any ideas or advice?
2006-09-27 06:27:16 · 18 answers · asked by Luv Peace 4 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
When I met my husband he was very anti social and when we did go to gatherings he wanted me to be under him and I could talk to anyone. He be a bump a log. Well I told he that is who I am I love meeting people I love throwing parties, either he can join in or just sit there. When he realize that I was not going to change he decided to change, he is now the social butterfly, he enjoys the parties that I throw and he enjoys going out and meeting people. Don't lose yourself still be the friendly person, he will learn to see that it is fun be sociable then being a bump on a log.
2006-09-27 06:55:13 · answer #1 · answered by Brezzy 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
I think it was a problem you should have thought about 5 years ago, before getting married.
It's impossible to answer this really, because you don't say how much money you spend on being surrounded by family and friends and playing the hostess. For all we know, you're spending hundreds of dollars a month playing hostess and he's trying to maintain a roof over your head.
You should be able to find a compromise. Do pot-lucks. Socialize at their homes now and then. Work with your husband on setting a spending amount he can live with and stick to it. Stop arguing and start finding a solution.
Not wanting to socialize is not the same as spending tons of money feeding your friends.
2006-09-27 06:44:47 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
For a relationship to really thrive, both people MUST be free to be who they really are. In this case, you should socialize but not expect him to join you. Some people just HATE being in a party environment. If that's your husband, allow him to be who he really is. Now as for you, you SHOULD be social or you will end up resenting your husband (sounds like you're well into that already). You might say, "Honey, I'm going to a party Friday night, I'd love for you to come along, but I'll understand if you don't want to go" instead of saying, "hey, what do you think about us throwing a party Friday night?". Tell him what you're doing and invite him to join you. It would also be a good idea to find SOMETHING that both of you enjoy and do that at least a couple of times a month. Good luck, and be yourself.
2006-09-27 06:36:24 · answer #3 · answered by ScubaGuy 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Yes of course you are facing a problem since you are supressing your feelings and your actions because of him.
I am sorry to say this but he had to have shown you that this is the way he lives his life and does not like socializing. I do not know why it comes as a suprise to you.
It is soley our bad if we turn our backs to indicators of problems that may become full blown in the future.
In order to improve your marriage and feel comfortable living with your husband you can arrange a deal with him. He has to make the effort and be beside you through social events and gathering (because part of a couple is their social life) and you will have to respect the times he wants to be alone and not spend his money all over the place.
Good luck
2006-09-27 06:40:27 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
If money is the only issue for him and you are his romantic partner anymore then I think that you should seek help from someone ,counseling maybe, if he does not like to go with you any more then it time to look into your heart is he still the guy you fell in love with? Or has he just gotten lazy about being with you, because there are many things he can do with you without the need of money. But you can't tell him that he has to change who he is he has to see that your inner self is being torn apart by his actions. Be who you always have been and don't let anyone change that. Be honest about your feelings to him, if he is willing to listen. Money to me has no bearing on LOVE money is not happiness. Whats in your heart? Check it, maybe its time to evaluate your time with him. I hope this helps.
2006-09-27 06:48:56 · answer #5 · answered by BILLYBABES 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I dont think its a big problem, I just think thats the way he is and you fell in love with him like that. My husband doesnt like to socialize at all, I mean he will talk to you when you talk to him but he doesnt say that much. i think if its not a problem for you then dont worry about what other people think. He is your man and you already know how to deal with it. You know I feel the same way you do. I 'm just in that same stiuation, but you need to work things out and girl dont let him change who you truly are inside. Just continue to do what you do for your self. :O)
2006-09-27 06:43:29 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
I have a social loner at home too. Rather than put a damper on my social wings I invite him to come out with me, if he says no, I go on my own. Now he takes more of an interest in going places with me...not all the time, but a lot more than normal.
2006-09-27 06:39:40 · answer #7 · answered by mvngs 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I know exactly how you feel, I have a husband who only thinks of work no socializing at all, even when we have friends or guests over he ignores them and goes to do whatever he was doing before they came over, I love to go out, for either dinner, dancing, or just to visit family and friends, he does not he likes to stay at home and watch old movies when he is not working.........I find it very difficult sometimes to make excuses for him. Best way to handle for me is usually when we are in bed and he is in a sexy mood, I talk with him after and ask him to come with me if we have plans......sometimes it works and he agrees............You just need to find a way of negotiating with him.............it may not be right but it works.
2006-09-27 06:44:26 · answer #8 · answered by T 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Many couples I have talk to have experienced this same thing. Best to compromise!!! Sit down make a plan that only certain times or days you do what you want. But also make times and days for you to spend time doing what your husband wants as well. That way you both are getting what you want.
2006-09-27 06:38:43 · answer #9 · answered by Just being myself! 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Well he knew that and you knew you were a social person when you married the man. I would say there is now reason to change who you are....that is not right. Continue to be who you are and perhaps eventually he would liven up a bit.
2006-09-27 06:41:13 · answer #10 · answered by T 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋