How should I tell my fiance that He doesn't need to talk to his ex wife everyday?

Question

He talks to his ex wife every single day. He says he just wants to know about his kids. But they are 17 and 19. His ex still clings on to him. Wonders what he doing all the time where he's at calls for no reason. she calls, I tell him that he's busy and she calls back just tosay that his son got his drivers license, What the hell was so important about that. I try to explain to him that she is your EX WIFE and that he doesn't have to talk to her every day. Theres no need in it. He says ok that's nice whatever. they have been divorced for about 6 yrs. and she stll clings. Now I have told him to stop calling her everyday, and once a week is enough. Please help What should I do

Answer 1

Return his ring, and say goodbye. Unless you want to share your man.

Answer 2

First of all, he's not really over his ex. He may say he is, but he isn't. When my husband and I first got together, I used to fume about the fact that he always called his ex whenever WE fought. She knew more about my marriage than I did, some days. And yeah, he used the same excuse that it was about the kids. His kids were 3 & 6.

Overtime, it began to diminish as her true nature took hold. His ex can be a little crazy at times.

But depending on WHY they are divorced, your fiance may not be ready to move on. And from the sounds of it, she isn't either. A 17 and a 19 year old child should be able to call their dad by themselves if they got a driver's license or what have you. It's not MOM's place to report these things to Dad.

Ultimatums only work if you are willing to follow through. You'll have to decide for yourself whether the addition of the ex-wife is worth it.

Answer 3

My parents have been divorced over 20 years and my younger brother and I are adults now. My parents may still be divorced, but they still talk almost every day. They are much better off as friends than being married to each other.

Some people are more compatible as friends. There is nothing wrong with having friends of the opposite sex. But if there are signs that shouldn't be there, definitely talk to him. There is a line that friends should NEVER ever cross, like kissing, going out on dates, holding hands, etc. If these types of things are going on, then I would see why you have a problem.

You cannot control another person and he still needs to put you first and be respectful. If he does not stop talking to his ex-wife and it bothers you, when you are married it will bother 10x's worse.

Answer 4

You need to make a point to everyone including his kids that if they have somthing important to tell their dad they must do it themselves. There is no need for the ex to be calling for the kids seeing as they are old enough to know how to pick up the phone and call. Tell the kids to have a time that they will call his dad such as seven at night and that will be their time to talk to daddy. And if for any reason they are busy or you guys are than the next day will be fine. Tell your fiance if you want this to work out with you and him than hes gotta stop calling his ex to get to his kids. Buy the kids some really cheap cell phones if they dont have any. And let it be just for the dad to call it, or for the kids to use only for calling their dads. This way they can keep intouch without him having to talk to his ex first.

Answer 5

And what makes you think that he may not be keeping tabs on a situation that involves HIS children, which may not be YOUR place to question?

Don't interfere between a parent and child; you will always lose. Be on his side and he will love you more for it. His children are that important to him.

He's dealing with the MOTHER of his children and his CHILDREN are an important aspect of his life. Yes, there will always be a bond there, and you must realize that and accept that.

HE'S WITH YOU, so that should tell you who he wants to be with. Stop with the petty jealousy; it won't help you and it won't put you in good light with anyone. Be nice to her when she calls and do not try to "tell her off" since what happened between them is not your fault and she did not do anything to harm you. If not for your fiance, you and that lady would probably be friends... think along those terms.

Listen, my "little girl" is now in her 30s, happily married with a 15 year old boy that towers over me and a little toddler girl... WHEN do you suppose will she ever stop being my "little girl"?

Ease up and relax. Don't cause waves. Keep it friendly and YOU will win out in the final analysis.

There's NO reason why they can't be friends... I bet they were friends before they were husband and wife... in which case, the marriage is off and they're still friends, JUST friends, and they have children in common. So, don't make enemies, please. (I say this as a father; please don't be annoyed)

The fact that he cares so much for his children should further indicate to you that he's a good man, not like those millions of men that abandon their children and don't care what happens to them (he might also be feeling guilt to this day for the divorce between him and the children and the effect it has had on the children).

Answer 6

most couple who get a divorce do not all hate one another. sometimes when people get married and divorce they become the best of friends. if they have not gotten back together by now then they won't. this issue is not particularly your business. when his ex wife called to say that his son got his driver's license she was telling him something that is just as vital as him taking his first steps. you must understand that the bounded for life by those children.and they did used to be married and if ever something takes place with those children you will not be the first person he calls his ex wife will. You should get used to the fact that you are second to those children and his ex wife. It seems like you are jealous that he doesn't do it for you. In all honesty if you can't deal with this you should not marry him.

Answer 7

Dear Madam, You may feel my opinion a bit rude but its the way I feel. Please read it.
Why did you want to be with a person who had already left his wife with two innocent children ?
Do you really think, mere court papers and momentary immatured decission can erase a relationship, bond etc. for ever ?
Even if this can happen to a relationship that lasted at least 15 years (although these happen very often nowadays), then how can you trust such a guy that he won't quit you someday, just because he cannot tolerate you anymore ?
Marriage is a question of togetherness, responsibility, sacrifice, adjustment, compromise, understanding and harmonic to the process of Eco system, where for the sake of creation (where all of us live) everyone has to compromise sometimes with nature, circumstances, time etc. and sometimes with other beings in the system or craetion.
Love exists everywhere with silence and patience. A person who cannot tolerate, cannot adjust, cannot love....is certainly incapable of truly loving anybody except himself.
Afterall, you love him and if you feel secured about him you don't need to restrict him. Instead cooperate with his problem. Try to let him feel your essentiality, your significance in his life. Just let him know that you are the best one for him so that he gets more dutiful towards you.
Thanks for reading with patience.

Answer 8

I'm sorry but I have to say he is not over his ex-wife if he is still talking about her. When two people get divorced there should be no feeling to call and just "talk." As you said she called to talk about their son. That is no longer her job to do. If their son wanted his father to know he got his drivers license---or anything else for that matter---he could call your fiance himself. Their kids are at an age where they are "adults." They can call their father themselves if they need to. If his ex-wife needs something in regards to their children together it should be about health problems or drug related problems--pretty much if they are being harmful to themselves or others. I don't know what to tell you to do but wait to get married until she is no longer a care of his. He should care to talk about her. Just think about it: if you care to talk about something, you obviously care about that certain something. Whether he has negative feelings or positive about this woman they are still feelings--you should not have any feelings for an ex.

Answer 9

When you get involved with a man who has an ex-wife and children you should know what you're getting yourself into. He comes with baggage and I think you are jealous that he gets along with his ex and is in contact with her regularly. If you can't deal with her calling to discuss things pertaining to the kids like major milestones such as getting a drivers license maybe you should find a man who doesn't have an ex and kids.

Answer 10

I am sorry but this guy needs to be honest with you. Hey some people can be friends with the ex and just be friends and no more…. 99% can not, because they need to move on with life. If you keep after him about it all the time it will drive him away from you. Spice it up with him, be friendly show him how you love him. If this guy still loves her… well he hasn’t moved on yet and never will if they keep talk so much. Good luck

Answer 11

This should be like a big flashing sign to you. Don't think this will get any better, if you marry him. Apparently they still have deep feelings for each other. You might want to consider making you fiance your EX-fiance, since he can't turn lose of his EX-wife.