I have been married to my husband for 4 years. We have always been pleased with one another but he informed me that i need to initiate sex more and be more aggressive. I am a little hurt only because i try to please my husband the best i can and i feel i am not good enough now that he has told me that. It has made me very depressed. No other man has ever told me what they liked or wanted. I want to surprise and please my husband as much as i can so i am open to any suggestions. Thank u ahead of time.
2006-09-27 06:20:25 · 18 answers · asked by peyapink 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
You need to ask him to be more specific about his desires. Obviously, this is not your natural tendency, so how the H3LL would you know what he wants!!!
2006-09-27 06:23:54 · answer #1 · answered by steelypen 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I understand you feel hurt, like you weren't "good enough" to please him, and maybe he relayed his desire in a way that was hurtful rather than just a request.
Women who want to please their mate do sometimes feel hurt if there's the suggestion they've failed somehow.
The first thing I would do is try not to take it personally -- think of it not as a rejection of you, or that you're bad in some way, but that your husband is at least sharing his desires rather than just letting himself be disappointed. (I think just living with disappointment, without discussing it with your spouse, can be dangerous in terms of increasing the chance for an affair.)
Look at it as a chance to explore your relationship together and get to know him better and what he wants, so that you can give to him the way he asks and the way you desire to.
If he has specific ideas of what "aggressive" is, all the better. Then you can talk about them and figure it out.
I think one element here is that the man is commonly expected to initiate sex (and wants to), but sometimes he simply wants to know that you actually desire him as well. If he's always the one to come to you, he never might feel like *you* want *him.* Being desired / Feeling desirable to the person you love, whether you are male or female, is very important to your emotional well-being.
Maybe you do want him emotionally but aren't as interested in the "sexual" sense. That's okay, and I think that is common among women as well.
Maybe to help, for one idea, you can picture yourself as an actress playing a certain role with your husband. (I.e., play the seductress, for example, completely "over the top.") Even if you are reserved by nature, doing something so overtly takes off the pressure. He knows you're acting, you know you're acting, and you're both okay with it -- and bizarrely enough, for a guy, often this is enough to make him feel desired.
In other words, approach sex in a fun, creative, light-hearted way -- not as a "serious obligation you can't afford to fail." The latter will kill any desire you have. Be playful.
If you let him know that you want to try to please him, that you do love him and desire him but are just not sure what to do and need him to guide you and give you some specifics, that will at least get him on your side. Be open and don't judge yourself or allow the depression to deepen -- he married YOU (so he does desire you), and he's coming to YOU (rather than someone else), and this is just part of learning how to please each other.
Good luck, I hope things work out. :)
2006-09-27 06:37:37 · answer #2 · answered by Jennywocky 6 · 3⤊ 0⤋
Ask him what his fantasies are, so you can get an idea of the direction to take it. This is a great jumping off point. Think too of any fantasies you might have.
It doesn't necessarily mean that you aren't good in bed. Just that he wants to spice it up a bit. It's important that you and your partner discuss the good and bad points.
Once you have an idea of likes and dislikes, you can surprise him with a few ideas of your own.
2006-09-27 06:51:17 · answer #3 · answered by jenn_jenn02 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
to suprise him get a babysitter for the kids, then meet him at the door in a sexy robe, take him by the hand sit him on the couch, and give him the best head u have ever done and just as he is ready to let go stop, straddle his face lower ur self on him and u know what happens next. see most women want their men to do this romantic stuff and forget that a man thinks with his sexual side not his rational side
2006-09-27 06:32:27 · answer #4 · answered by keithy 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
It doesn't mean anything when your husband asked that. It just means that he wants to try something new. With my husband for the longest time I started every time and after awhile I hated it. I like when he starts. I do start sometimes. It can be anything from writing a dirty letter, telling him something dirty in his ear or touching his thigh and moving up on his leg. It can even be something as simple as wearing something sexy and walking in front of him. You could also just push him back on the bed or whatever and act like you haven't had sex in years. Try it you might like it.
2006-09-27 06:30:50 · answer #5 · answered by sscott12414 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I don’t think he is talking so much about the sex. He wants attention and wants to know your still into him or love him that’s all. Don’t be depressed. Call him at work, go out, buy him a gift let him know you are still there. This is all he wants. He didn’t mean to hurt you I am sure. Good luck!
2006-09-27 06:52:17 · answer #6 · answered by skankhater 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Give the man what he wants, when he comes home, make sure he finds you in the kitchen making double chocolate chip cookies, wearing nothing but high heels, an apron and a smile. Take him and show him the little vixen that u are.
2006-09-27 06:33:18 · answer #7 · answered by Bobi Ann D 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Don't be upset. It's nothing that you did. But when you've been married for awhile (4yrs in your case) the same old routine doesn't cut it. Try added things to the it like toys or fruit. Try talking dirty to him during it. Ask your husband what he has in mind, he may have a fetish he is embaressed to bring up to you.
2006-09-27 06:36:26 · answer #8 · answered by Floss 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Don´t be depressed. Im gueesing that all he wants is that you sometimes take the initiative. Showing him that your into him. It´s a good thing the he opens up and is honest about what he likes. We dont open up as much as we should. Good luck.
2006-09-27 06:36:11 · answer #9 · answered by Gabe 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Tie him up and whoop his ***!!Take a lil control and do what you want to his body.when he walks in the door from work jump him..thats being agressive and making your husband feel like you have been craving him all day.If you want him to always think about you, make him love your sex life.The power is always in the womans hands.
2006-09-27 06:33:30 · answer #10 · answered by Sara 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you're open minded about it, try watching x-rated movies by yourself and find out if you're capable of being the starter in bed. If not, then its going to be a problem. Don't be depressed. Appreciate the fact that he told you instead of looking for someone else to beat his brains out in bed.
2006-09-27 06:24:40 · answer #11 · answered by Equinox 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋