Sometimes (a lot, actually) I sit and think, "What does he do for me that I can't do for myself, or have someone else do better?" I know that sounds incredibly selfish to some, but please don't judge becuase you don't know all the details. :( My husband isn't abusive (either physically or mentally) so it's not a case of that. I think I'm just not in love with him anymore. He doesn't "do it for me" in any aspect of our relationship. Is this normal/common?
2006-09-27 06:14:08 · 15 answers · asked by brevejunkie 7 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Love, sweetie, is a choice. You either choose to love him or you won't. Maybe you both need a little space and some time apart to assess where the marriage is headed. I also suggest you go see a counselor. If it can be saved, it will be saved. But like I said - love is a choice and not a chemical reaction.
2006-09-27 06:22:16 · answer #1 · answered by Equinox 6 · 3⤊ 0⤋
Personally; I have been where you are in my own marriage, and my best advice to you would be to tell him how you're feeling! Tell him that you don't feel the way you once felt, and you feel like somewhere down the line something has been lost! My problem was that I truly wasn't happy with myself and therefore, I took it that it was my marriage making me feel this way! ( But it wasn't) and luckily I had a terrific husband that understood me in this devastating time of life! He stuck beside me through it all and our love-life could never be better! If you are a house-wife that don't get out much; just to do shopping, etc. try finding a part time job or get involved with other house wives and start a weekly get together that don't allow you so much time to think or dwell on how unhappy you've become! Sometimes if you are spending to much time alone, this plays a big part on your emotions and the way you feel! Good Luck and Best Wishes!
2006-09-27 06:34:09 · answer #2 · answered by shelly_mo67 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
I sure hope you loved him to begin with? Hope there is not more to your story that you’re not telling use. You don’t fall out of love with someone over night. Talk with him, be honest and truthful this is the best way. Maybe he has the same feeling also. Spice it up with each other; show each other how you feel. If that doesn’t work and the love is gone, then you need to be truthful. The truth hurts but its much better then lies. Good Luck!
2006-09-27 07:31:52 · answer #3 · answered by skankhater 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
The woman was right. Love is a choice. Spice things up a little. Do little things for each other that makes them smile. Maybe that will help. Good luck.
2006-09-27 06:38:07 · answer #4 · answered by Wild Bill 7 · 3⤊ 0⤋
No, because love is a choice, backed up by actions. I don't wonder; I just "do."
Of course, you need to have concrete reasons to honor, admire, respect, trust, enjoy one's company . . .
The best example of explaining love, that I can recall, is when I sat my four-year old down with Cheez-its and showed her: I gave her two and asked her to give me one. She was unsure, but she gave me one. Then I gave her two more. So she got back double what she gave. Giving love makes US feel better about who we are. It does not expect or keep score. Loving cannot return disappointment.
If you're wondering if you "love" him, you actually already gave yourself permission to stop loving him.
2006-09-27 06:16:14 · answer #5 · answered by georgia b 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
If you have to wonder then it's been over for a while now. Either go to marriage counseling and see if this can be salvaged or move on. Let him find some one who will love him and appreciate him. Maybe you will too.
2006-09-27 06:19:07 · answer #6 · answered by Bobi Ann D 1 · 2⤊ 1⤋
I think this is common because feelings rise and fall, and intense romantic love usually falls for good. But if you gain loving respect for your spouse and you morph into a sort of family type love for them, then you can make it.
2006-09-27 06:22:20 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 3⤊ 0⤋
I know what you are saying and filling and I have tryed to leave but my husben always tells me if i do i will not take my kids with me and I could not leave them so i always stay. so yes to your Question I always wander if it is love or just my kids that keep me here and I am 24yr. I got married when I was19yr. SO YES
2006-09-27 08:27:28 · answer #8 · answered by Daisy H 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
WHEN THE RELATIONSHIP IS NEW, YOUR BODY CREATES CERTAIN CHEMICALS THE MAKE YOU FEEL EUPHORIC. IN TIME, LESS OF THESE CHEMICALS ARE PRODUCED, AND ARE REPLACED BY CHEMICALS THAT PROMOTE A LONG TERM SENSE OF SECURITY AND ACCEPTANCE.
YOU CAN RECREATE SOME OF THE EUPHORIA CHEMICALS YOURSELF, WITH SOME EFFORT ON YOUR PART. YOU CANNOT JUST EXPECT YOUR HUBBY TO DO THAT FOR YOU.
IF HE DOESN'T "DO IT" FOR YOU, WHY DID YOU MARRY HIM? IF HE DID AT ONE POINT, BUT DOESN'T NOW, THEN WHY HAVE YOU NOT TOLD HIM?
YOU MARRIED HIM, AND THAT MEANS FOR BETTER OR WORSE. THAT MEANS THAT YOU OWE HIM THE CHANCE TO FULFILL YOU. IT MEANS YOU NEED TO TELL HIM WHAT YOU FEEL YOU'RE MISSING OUT ON, WHAT IT WOULD TAKE TO FULFILL THAT NEED, AND BE WILLING TO DO THE SAME FOR HIM.
DON'T GO THINKING THAT IT IS ALL ON HIM. THAT WOULD BE IGNORANT, SELFISH, AND CRUEL. SEEK TO UNMDERSTAND HIM BEFORE YOU SEEK TO BE UNDERSTOOD.
DON'T THINK THAT YOUR MERE PRESENCE FULFILLS HIM, EITHER. THINK ABOUT THE FACT THAT HE PROBABLY FEELS SIMILAR TO HOW YOU FEEL.
AND DON'T GO THINKING THAT YOU ARE 'SPARING HIS HURT FEELINGS' BY NOT TELLING HIM WHAT YOU NEED. THAT IS JUST A COP-OUT FOR BEING TOO AFRAID TO TELL HIM BECAUSE YOU DON'T WANT TO BREAK THE ICE.
YOU HAVE TO STEP UP AND ASK FOR WHAT YOU WANT, AND BE WILLING TO RECIPROCATE. THIS ONE IS ON YOU.
HOW COMMON AND IGNORANT IS IT TO GO LOOKING TO MEET YOUR NEEDS OUTSIDE THE MARRIAGE? PEOPLE CHEAT BECAUSE THEIR PARTNER KNOWS THEM WELL, AND KNOWS ABOUT ALL THIER FLAWS. THEY ARE TOO AFRAID TO ASK FOR FULFILLMENT FROM THEIR PARTNER OUT OF FEAR OF REJECTION, AND TO GET BACK AT THEIR PARTNER FOR NOT FULFILLING THEM IN THE FIRST PLACE. THEY REINVENT THEMSELF TO SOMEONE ELSE WHO KNOWS NOTHING OF THEIR FLAWS.
IF YOU MODIFY YOUR APPROACH WITH HIM, HE WILL REACT TO YOU DIFFERENTLY. TAKE THE FIRST STRP, AND DON'T WAIT FOR HIM TO.
GUYS ARE "TRAINED" FROM BIRTH TO BE "EMOTIONALLY INEPT". WE BOTH KNOW THAT'S NOT ACTUALLY TRUE, BUT UNDERSTAND EMOTIONS AND DISCUSSING THEM ARE NOT SECOND-NATURE FOR A GUY. THAT'S WHY THIS IS ON YOU.
YOU JUST HAVE TO DECIDE HOW YOU ARE GOING TO PLAY. ARE YOU GOING TO HAVE SOME INTEGRITY AND PUT YOURSELF OUT THERE, AND GIVE HIM A CHANCE, AND MAKE AN EQUAL EFFORT TO GIVE TO HIM WHAT YOU WANT FORYOURSELF.....OR WILL YOU COP-OUT AND CHEAT?
YOUR CHOICE. IT'S ALL WHAT YOU MAKE IT, OR JUST LET IT BECOME.
2006-09-27 06:59:02 · answer #9 · answered by pandora the cat 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I too find myself wondering if I truly love my husband. But, more often I wonder if he loves me. He's cheated twice, so I'm not sure if I should love him anymore. His actions showed me NO love at all.
2006-09-27 06:38:19 · answer #10 · answered by vitamin D 2 · 1⤊ 1⤋