She was in a abusive and a selff esteem hurting relationship. She was in this relationship for 3 years and they had a house together. She lost a baby while they were together but him and his family didn't want it in the first place. She still has to communicate with him because they are selling the house and he has alot of issues with her. He needs to be in control of her still and he still wants her back. He still calls her when I'm around and he has just showed up at her apartment a couple times un announced. She is hoping that he just goes away and recently he wants to apologize for everything he has done and he wants to show his feelings about the baby they lost, that he has never showed before. But she feels guilty because she just doesn't want to forget about the baby and feels she is obligated to talk about that with him. She feels like he is the only person that understands what they went through but he didn't want it in the first place why does he care now?
2006-09-27 06:09:31 · 17 answers · asked by slipRMC 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Other - Family & Relationships
how do I deal with this situation? what can I say to help her out and not get upset with her because she still has to talk to him every once in a while?
2006-09-27 06:11:13 · update #1
Make sure that she can unload the baggage before you get too invested in this girl. Otherwise, you will be the one who ends up carrying the baggage with her.. There are plenty of great people out there with no baggage that are low drama........... The choice is always yours.............................
2006-09-27 06:17:37 · answer #1 · answered by whidd2003 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
He wants her back and possibly wants the opportunity to control her again. Maybe you two should take a step back until the house sells because at that point, she will have no other reason to stay in contact with him. If he wanted to talk about the baby they once lost, then that discussion should have taken place before they separated. He can't keep invading on her space and in her life whenever he feels like it. She's gone through alot emotionally but if you love her, then I vote for being patient. Emotionally, she might not be ready for a relationship so that's why I suggested to take a step back if it's too much for you. Be her friend and let her know that you are there for her. But at some point in time this chapter in her life will have to come to some kind of closure. And that time might come, after she rids herself of the last peice of evidence that her ex ever existed (meaning the property).
2006-09-27 06:20:55 · answer #2 · answered by melcar12345 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Im sorry to tell you,
but it seems like she is still attached to this guy. After all they were together for 3 years and it seems they had allot invested in there lives together. I honestly think the best thing you can do right now is go your seperate ways. I know its not something you want to hear, but speaking from experience I strongly recommend this. Eventually what will happen is that they somehow will get back together and you will be left hanging high and dry. I know this is not what you want to hear. But this is the truth. I hope you make a wise decision. Remember people like your girlfriend that have soooo many issues, tend to bring down the person they are involved with. You dont want that for yourself.
2006-09-27 06:17:24 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
First of all 2 1/2 months is not a very long time to consider being in love...issues and baggage make a real hardship on a relationship period. At this point, you should sit back and observe both behaviors just to see where they are at with one another. A person can only do to you what you let them. Who knows, she may like being controlled like that. Just don't get caught up! That is nothing other than negative mess. Don't allow it to consume you
2006-09-27 06:14:45 · answer #4 · answered by Say It Again M'am 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Well, the first thing to remmeber is to communicate. talk with her about your feelings. Remember to phrase things in "I" statements. Don't EVER use a "Well, you do this..." or "You do that" type of statement. Just let her know that you feel uncomfortable with this guy comming around and that you would really like to see if he could at least call her before he comes over. You have a great attitude to begin with by realizeing that there are somethings that she is just going to have to do for herself (at least it sounds that way). She will have to talk to the guy every once in a while since she is selling a house with him. Let her have her space also. You may not feel controling but find out how she feels about things with you as well. I'm not saying you are, but I am saying that she's probably really stressed out about things and checking in with her to see if she needs support or space would probably be really appreaciated by her and tells her that you are sensitive to her needs and to the needs of your relationship. Remember that its all about communication. Just talk to her and support her. Build her confidence up to work through the emotional stuff that the break up with this other guy is making in her life.
Also, be prepared to just let her vent or tell her that you would like to vent. It okay to do that. But let eachother know that is what is going on so the other person is not hurt or freaked out by it.
Remember that it may be true for her that she feels that this other guy is the only person that she feels understands her situation with the loss of the baby. They were together after all, but also tell her that you are there for her as well and remind her that the two of you are in the relationship now.
2006-09-27 06:24:49 · answer #5 · answered by travelendavie 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Her ex does not care now, he is just playing with her emotions to get her away from you to make her come back to him. Nothing has changed with him, he is just using any angle he can. You need to be that support for her, let her know how much you care for her, listen when she needs to talk, tell her how beautiful she is, how wonderful and build her up. It takes a long time to get someone past all the hurt and damage that someone like that guy can do, but if you are real and true to her, she will make the right choice and leave him alone. Do tell her that she needs to either cut him off or you will have to leave, because she can not have both of you. If she wants real support, love and caring, tell him to go away.
2006-09-27 06:14:32 · answer #6 · answered by Suthern R 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He's probably trying to manipulate her. I wouldn't trust him as far as you can throw him...Keep supporting her and maybe even go to counseling with her or suggest a support group to help her deal with her loss, she doesn't have to forget about her baby, but she needs to move on from the horrible relationship. There are other people out there who have lost their babies that she can relate to, not just him...and she could probably benefit from that kind of support...maybe even some kind of counseling for women in abusive relationships - she may not be in one now, but this is still affecting her.
I hope for her sake she realizes what she has in you and doesn't get the crazy idea to go back to him...help her sell that house ASAP!!!!
Good Luck!!!
2006-09-27 06:20:09 · answer #7 · answered by jillymack06 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He doesn't care now. He's a manipulator who needs to be in control and will use any mechanism to achieve that - even pretending to care about something he doesn't, knowing that is a "weak" spot for her.
Try suggesting that they communicate only by email. She needs to tell him that his phone calls/visits are no longer welcome and that she will take out a restraining order if he continues to contact her. And she needs to follow through on that threat when he ignores it.
Help her with the email - read it for her and write draft replies for her, so that she can avoid getting caught up in the "emotion" he will try to use when emailing her. Stick to the facts and write every email as though a third person is looking over your shoulder (i.e., avoid name calling etc). In short, be the better people. When the house is sold, she can turn her back on him and have him out of her life forever.
2006-09-27 06:14:55 · answer #8 · answered by auskan2002 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Wow. So unhappy. And im happy im no longer you. i do not mean to be hurtfull yet iv'e been unmarried for 3 years now and performance no complications like that now. Iv'e had many courting themes worse than that contained in the previous and one surprisingly similar. in reality you do not manage it as you position it. It hurts for a lengthy time period even years and also you in no way ignore. yet with time it turns into less complicated to bear and stay with. i stumbled on by being unmarried and averting women human beings now works nicely. I dread to imagine what may ensue if i fell for some women human beings.
2016-12-02 04:33:10 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
it's naturally human nature, to want what you can't have. all he is trying to do is get her back. but if she really cares about you. and if the relationship they had together was really that bad. trust her intelligent, she isn't stupid. and she loves you. i think you should just sit down and talk to her about it, listen to her feelings. it's hard on someone to lose a baby. but she doesn't want to lose you too. and probably doesn't even know how much this other guy upsets you.
2006-09-27 06:14:44 · answer #10 · answered by jess08 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋