My case is a little extreme, but I was wondering if anyone was able to get past their wife having and affair. My wife was in an affair and got pregnant(not sure if it is mine or not). I never thought I would ever consider her back, but we have talked about a few things and are going to go to counselling and see what comes of it. I doubt anyone has been in my situation (contemplating taking wife back pregnant with a child that might not be mine), but is their any sucess stories out their.
2006-09-27 05:51:57 · 28 answers · asked by cheeks230 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
More details we also have a 7 year old daughter together that I know is mine. I am dying inside from spending so much time away from here.
2006-09-27 06:03:54 · update #1
you have to examine your consciense.if she never cheated on you before your marriage then something about you led her to this filth.if there is still any positive feelings towards her,please take her back.as the head of the family,try to prevent such happening again.stay blessed.
2006-09-27 06:08:22 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
My husband and I have survived this situation. I had an affair for a year. I told him I would stop after the first couple of months and I didn't. I ended up getting pregnant and having an abortion. We had a son that was a year and a half at the time. I thought getting the abortion was the best thing to do because the man I was having the affair with was a total loser. Now I regret it. My husband has been very understanding and I think he would have raised the child as his own if given the chance. I am not going to lie, it has been a very rough road and I don't think my husband fully trusts me to this day. I just have to prove myself to him and hope and pray that things keep working out. I suggest going to counseling. It will help you both to get things out in a neutral setting. Also, find a church that will be supportive of you. We did and it has helped.
I want to commend you for loving your wife enough to consider taking her back. I thank God everyday for my husband and his unconditional love. It takes a big man to do that. Hope it all works out for the best! Good luck and God Bless!!!
2006-09-27 13:26:17 · answer #2 · answered by it's just me! 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It's good that you are willing to take her back, you must be a very kind man - or love her very much. I would suggest that when the baby is born, get a DNA test, then if you find out that it is not yours, then go your separate ways because in a few years time, you will resent the child because it will remind you of the painful time you had when you found out your wife was having an affair, it would be better for both you and the child. But if the results do show that you are the father, then I wish you the best of luck and your relationship will get back on the right track.
2006-09-27 12:58:13 · answer #3 · answered by Lucy 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I had an affair 8 years ago and got pregnant with my first child. My husband is most likely not the father. I failed to tell him for 2 years until the other guy told him. I had two children and wasn't working at the time. I was scared! We decided to talk about what made me cheat. All was not forgiven then or now, but we are still together. He beat up the guy I slept with, and then had an afffair with a friend of his girlfriend. Now he watches my every move. He checks my caller I.D. when he gets home, and my cell phone messages, calls every 2 hours when I'm not at work to see what I'm doing. If you feel that you can't trust her please don't take her back. She's probley sorry and really loves you don't make her suffer like I have too.
2006-09-27 13:37:45 · answer #4 · answered by jennidixon186 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I have a dear friend whose situation was somewhat similiar. He has getting divorced and dating someone else. The marriage had been a disaster as I understand it on all sides. Anyway, he had a bad night with the future ex and she ended up pregnant. Not too long after finding this out, his girlfriend informed him SHE was pregnant.
Knowing his future ex as he did....he went ahead with the divorce and married the girlfriend. 14 years later, his 2nd wife has NEVER regretted her decision to stay with him. They are as happy as two people can be. The brother and sister are more embarrassed than anyone else as they are only like a week apart.
My point in the story is that my friend did contemplate returning to his first wife (knowing she was pregnant and assuming it was his). The way he tells it. The important thing is that if you do take her back you have to be willing to let the past go (counselling helps) and to NEVER LET IT AFFECT your relationship with the child. Legally that child is yours (if you are still married to her), whether it's a biological connection or not.
It can be done. Keep the lines of communication open. Seek extra help if you needed it for conflict/resolution. And most importantly decide BEFORE you take the child to raise as your own.
2006-09-27 13:00:17 · answer #5 · answered by jenn_jenn02 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Don't listen to any of these people anything is possible if you are willing to both work at it 100%. Everyone makes mistakes. I think the thing you need to look at is the reasons she cheated and for how long and all that. You have to decide if you can love this baby or not. i hate to admit that I also cheated on my husband. but at the time he was very abusive and I was just looking for love. It actually was the best thing that ever happened to our marriage, he realized that other people find me desirable and tht he needed to treat me better, and I realized he really was the kind of person I wanted to be married to if he could stop the abuse. We went to a psycholigist for counseling instead of a regular counselor because we were beyond just needing someone to tell us that we needed to make time for each other. It really worked. All of this was three years ago and our love has never been stronger and our marriage has never been better. We have had a baby since then and it has also made it so much closer. But this will not be easy, it took him a long time before he could trust me again, but it was worth it. He forgave me for my betrayel, and I forgave him for the 5 years of abuse. We are both a lot happier as individuals. the hard thing is is you are the only one that can decide. i wish you happiness, and hope it works out!
2006-09-27 13:39:17 · answer #6 · answered by TRISHTHEDISH76 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
My husband didn't exactly cheat, nor is there a baby involved, but he had issues with his past girlfriends, visiting them without telling me, mostly to rub his great life in their faces and get an ego trip if he felt they regretted dumping him. I don't know how far he'd have gone to get that ego trip though. But when I found out what he was doing, I thought he was cheating. We went to counseling and it was so great. It helped him with the issues he had with revenge on old girlfriends, self-esteem, etc., but also taught me to see things from a different perspective, not just black and white. It helped our relationship immensely, and made me realize that there is hope after someone screws up, if they're willing to find out what the problem is and work on it. But if there's no change or attempt from the person who screwed up, then I would think they'd just do it again. I have a few people that think I never should have stayed in the relationship, and I'm sure you'll have those, but you have to decide if it's something you can handle, it has nothing to do with anyone else. And if you love the baby it'll never be anyone else's no matter who "donated" the sperm. I hope it all works out for you.
2006-09-27 13:00:11 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Actually I am wife and my husband and I are still together after a hard time of our marriage. But I also had an affair. He was always gone and I had inner issues... that didn't in-tale him in the picture at all... However WE have a baby boy now and he loves him just like our other three that we have together. He is one great loving man and is understanding and forgiving. I thank God for him almost every day!
2006-09-27 13:06:55 · answer #8 · answered by Just being myself! 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I found out this week my wife of 13 years is having an affair. I still love her and would love to take her back however she is in love with this other guy so here comes the big D. To bad for the three kids they certainly dont deserve this.
2006-09-27 12:57:49 · answer #9 · answered by fortyninertu 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Well let me tell you somethin...
My wife cheated on me, left me for another man, and got pregnant by this man.
The other man was married and realized his family and wife were important to go back to his wife.
I took my pregnant wife back and we moved north. After she gave birth, and I gave my name to a beautiful baby girl. I would take care of the baby at home while she was at work.
She began talking to this guy again on the phone.
She took a temporary work assignment which turned out to be a ruse to hook back up with this other guy.
She even 'bought' a car to get around in. Come to find out HE bought her the car.
To make a long story short this was the 3rd time she had gotten involved with this man.
I told her I loved her and the baby to the point I would take her back regardless of what she did, but if I did I would have no pride or self respect left for myself. By that time I loved the baby more than I ever loved anyone or anything wife included.
When she told me she was leaving to be with this man it hurt but not as much as it hurt to lose my little baby. I told her she had no right to not only take her love away but my child also.
To cut to the chase she went back, my daughter was raised by this guy and I serve the role as an uncle even though she still calls me dad.
The child is now fourteen and I still feel pain over the whole thing.
I have only recently learned to love another w/o all the fear and pain of being cheated on again.
So just a warning...
I do not regret having a daughter in my life that loves me no matter what, but I have felt left out and pain for every holiday, every birthday, and every event for which I was sidelined for over 13 years now.
Bile builds in my gut every time I am reminded she is not really my daughter, or every time I realize someone else is raising 'my daughter'.
So stop your doubts sir...been there done that! Your not alone.
And to answer your question NO it did not work out.
It has crippled me emotionally for years and I am just now feeling like I am alive again fourteen years later.
Best of luck to you and yours.
2006-09-27 13:16:58 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
My mom cheated on my dad a few years back. They talked it out and are still together (have been for the past 27 years). I think if you're willing to make it work and truly care about that other person then things will turn out ok in the end.
2006-09-27 12:57:50 · answer #11 · answered by JC 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋