I have been with this guy for 3 years now and we both have made some mistakes in the past. But recently he has been caught lieing to me about talking to these other girls that he just calls friends. Not to mention it is on my phone line. I just don't know why someone would try to hide a so called friend. He says he doesn't tell me because he is afraid of how I will react. Well when I caught him in his lies I kicked him out of the house and broke things off. So how is that for a reaction............. Anyway now he is so sorry and knows that he was wrong for lieing to me but he swears up and down he never hung out with any of these chicks. I don't really believe it but I know I have lied to him about who I hung out with. What should I do, say or think. I mean I have loved this man for the last 3 years. Please let me know your thoughts and experiences. I will be 23 in a week an a half. I don't want to go on in life not trusting people. HELP!!!!!!!!
2006-09-27 05:01:07 · 13 answers · asked by HappyMama 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Other - Family & Relationships
Girl I wish I could tell you it would be ok, but it won't. You are too young to go there this drama( look at me calling you young I am 24). If he is gonna be that damn disrespectful and use your phone to call his hoes I mean "friends" you did right by putting him out. If he lies about simple stuff what does he do about major issues?
2006-09-27 05:06:15 · answer #1 · answered by Just Me!!! 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Once you can be honest with yourself then you can be honest with everyone else.
Your gonna kick his a$$ out for lying about the extent of his relationships with other people, or so you think, when at the same time YOU KNOW YOU HAVE LIED TO HIM ABOUT YOUR FRIENDS AND WHAT YOU DO WITH THEM.
DO YOU THINK THAT THE SAME THING SHOULDNT BE DONE TO YOU?
LOOK AT THIS AND THINK ABOUT WHAT YOU HAVE SAID.
"I know I have lied to him about who I hung out with. I just don't know why someone would try to hide a so called friend."
Remember these words? You lied to him and you freely admit it, do you think his reaction to catching you in a lie would have been any different than the reaction you gave him?? What about these words: "He says he doesn't tell me because he is afraid of how I will react. Well when I caught him in his lies I kicked him out of the house and broke things off. So how is that for a reaction?" Do you think he would have responded the same way had he caught you in a lie? Doesnt feel too good when the way you react to someone, they react the same way to you.
You say that you have loved him for three years yet you have lied to him these three years about who you hang out with.
You expect him to trust you, no questions asked, but you cant trust him.
Sounds like to me if he is cheating on you he is JUST LIKE YOU. The thing is you cant handle someone doing you the way you are doing them. Well honey it works both ways. If you realllly loved him, you wouldnt even be lying about stuff. IF he did have aproblem with who you hung out with and you knew he would think you were cheating if you hung out with them, then if I really loved him I would stop seeing these people, and make new friends.
2006-09-27 12:17:46 · answer #2 · answered by Shalamar Rue 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you have also lied about the people whom you have hung out with, what's the difference? Just that you caught him. I would say take him back, maybe he is telling the truth, and was scared that you would react like that, and didn't you? Take him back but let him know that now your trust must be earned not given away.
2006-09-27 12:08:14 · answer #3 · answered by Floss 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Leave him. Trust is the basis for any healthy relationship. It seems that both of you have trust issues that cannot be resolved. There is no reason to lie, regardless of his fear of your reaction. In my experience, once a relationship is tainted by mistrust, cheating and lying it can't get back to that pure place it begins. At 23, you can recover from this within a few months. Enjoy being single for a while, figure out what you want and go out and get it. By staying with this guy you are only delaying being in wonderful happy relationship build on trust and respect. I am a recovering cheater myself - my husband is the only man to whom I was completely faithful and with whom I am always honest. It is the most freeing feeling there is and everyone is capable of doing it. Don't deny yourself this opportunity!
2006-09-27 12:09:48 · answer #4 · answered by Tara P 5 · 0⤊ 1⤋
You are 23. Live a little. If he's lieing about phone calls it's becasue he has something to hide. Same with you.
If you were both a little more older, you would not only be lovers but have a trust and understanding. A trust that would allow you to tell him anythihng and vice versa.
If he respected or loved you in a way where he thought about your feelings, he would have never. And then to lie? Bullshit he never hangs around with them............................so that means they're just phone buddies?
2006-09-27 12:08:07 · answer #5 · answered by triciasdish 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
It sounds as if you have troubles with him in the trust issue before, so this isn't the first time. Sometimes we just pick the wrong guy and when we find out we need to move on. This young man certainly hasn't made his mind up in choosing his spouse and is wrong in keeping you dangling while he dallies.
This doesn't mean you have to distrust men, just look for a man with the values that you want in a life partner.
Good luck, honey.
2006-09-27 12:07:43 · answer #6 · answered by Harley 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
girl I'm 23 yrs old and Ive been there done that! you have a guilty conscious and that's why you don't believe him maybe he's telling you the truth! but If you feel deep down inside that he's lying and cheating that means he is! trust me I know what I'm telling you don't do the same mistake that I did I'm married and have 2 kids you still have a chance to get away from it!
2006-09-27 12:24:06 · answer #7 · answered by PRI 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sweetheart I know it is hard BUT in the same regard sit down take a look at what life would be like 5 or 10 years do you want to be stuck with a lying cheating man while you sit at home with the kids and are in a way trapped with him and always having the pain he causes you put onto your family?
2006-09-27 12:06:14 · answer #8 · answered by Varacha 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
I think you should take him back... and have a session or two in counseling! If you love him... why is it worth throwing away. If he feels like he needs to hide from you over your reaction... then why not take what you guys have... read a book together on communication... or see a counselor. As long as you both really want it.
The other hand is you are young... if your feelings for him are the take him or leave him sort... I say leave him and move on...
2006-09-27 12:05:40 · answer #9 · answered by Use my Yahoo! Avatar 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
You should move on cause if you are planning a future with him. It may get worse, if he's lying to u now how do you not know if he will lie again.
2006-09-27 12:08:38 · answer #10 · answered by Gina S 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋