My wife is OBSESSED with the idea that I am cheating on her. If I put gas in my car, and I'm ten minutes late home from work, I get the third degree. This is driving me NUTS! We have been married for over seven years, and I have never been anything but faithful to her. (I ASSUME the same can be said for her). I have NEVER cheated, yet I have to tolerate a homelife as though I have. (If I DID actually decide to cheat, I wouldn't have to put up with a whole lot more complaining than I already am, which is growing increasingly tempting!)
I'm starting to really get frustrated. What should I do?
2006-09-27 04:42:29 · 49 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
go to counseling......
Let her know that you are not cheating and what does she need from you to convince her.....
2006-09-27 04:44:51 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Iv'e gone through the same thing. It seams that no matter how much you try to make sure she doesn't suspect something like that, it is inevitable. And my only reason for not wanting her to suspect is because I care about her feelings, not because there is something to hide shich I'm sure someone was thinking. Turn it around and ask her if she's feeling guilty and why cheating and dishonesty has even entered her mind. I was right there with you, thinking I might as well if I get accused of it, but I'm glad I never did. Besides the fact that I care about my marriage, I know I wouldn't be able to live with the guilt myself. My best advice would be to talk to a third party, either a councelor of minister or anyone who can give an outside perspective without chosing sides.
If you do figure out how to handle her and this situation, please let me know cause you could help me and probably every other man in the world.
2006-09-27 05:40:01 · answer #2 · answered by mixmaster 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I had read a prior post of yours about her sexy friend and how you sometimes think about that friend.
Your wife is "reading" you bc she knows you well. She also probably feels she cannot "trust" her friend. Maybe she is feeling inferior to her friend and your wife perceives you feel the friend is attractive.
Your wife and you have to sit down and have some open communication time. Maybe the friend should not come over to the house for a while so you guys can work out your stuff.
If it doesn't start to improve - I recommend professional counseling. There is no use in living with someone who is insanely jealous - yet at the same time you need to also look at your actions and how they're being perceived by your partner.
2006-09-27 04:46:36 · answer #3 · answered by Lake Lover 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sit her down, and tell her that you are tired of all the accusations and that if she does not get over this, you are just going to leave. Let her know that you are faithful, but if you have to deal with this all of the time, you are just going to find someone that will appreciate a faithful husband and not chase him off with all her insecurities. That is the problem, she is insecure and you can help with that a lot. Call her and tell her you love her at odd times during the day, send her little love notes in the mail, tell her she is beautiful, sexy and that you want her. Chances are, that you have stopped doing that as much as you used to and the mind starts to try and figure out why... Logical conclusion is that you are getting it someplace else and she no longer appeals to you. Make her feel like the princess you did when you were dating again and her insecurities will start to fade... You two need to talk, find out why she feels that way and let her know it is destroying your marriage... It will take you both, she needs to feel valued and precious to you, or all the words in the world will not help your case... Good Luck...
2006-09-27 04:48:28 · answer #4 · answered by Suthern R 5 · 0⤊ 1⤋
OK, i'm a woman, not married, but i speak from experience... The only way a woman would be that PARANOID, she's not obsessed, she's really paranoid, is if she cheated on you herself. Beleive me, i cheated on my ex.. and i became very paranoid with him and demaded that he was cheating on me... I was doing the same things your wife is.. I would try to get down to the bottom of it. See if some of her behaviors have changed... has she always been like this? or just recently? Ask her for a reason why she thinks your cheating, and if she doesn't have a probable cause for you.. then she's surely cheating herself, or doing something sneaky.. like dating sites maybe, or chatting with other men.. cybering.. Whatever it is, i hope this helps you get some information.. Does she work? maybe it's someone there... Do everything you can, but don't cheat yourself.. you don't want that on your record.. or consience.. beleive me.. speaking from experience... I hope things get better for you.. and if you have anymore Q's or want to know more... cuz there's plenty of other reasons... just email me.. again, good luck and i hope it works out for the best..!!
2006-09-27 04:56:31 · answer #5 · answered by ? 1 · 2⤊ 0⤋
The reason that your wife is so paranoid is her own insecurity. That is very tough to deal with for her as well as it is you. Don't think for one minute that she likes feeling and acting this way she really doesn't. The problem is that the fear of losing her life as she knows it takes over and unfortunately my friend you get the blunt end. It sounds like you have tried to reassure her that you are not cheating and it has not stopped. Perhaps she should talk about this with someone. I can assure you she is truly miserable. That is the worst feeling you could ever have. I to have these feelings but I have come to terms with them and I now control them instead of the feeling taking over all logical thought. It can be dealt with and overcome.
2006-09-27 05:02:55 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Tell her honestly what you have said here. It makes you feel like a criminal not to be trusted. There are often 2 reason behind her reactions. She is cheating and wants it to come out... or she has been hurt or abused in the past and can't trust men because she thinks they will always hurt her, even if all the evidence( 7 years) says otherwise. Sit down with her, look her in the eyes, and BE with her. Dont compromise who you are because of what she does. She is probably just terrified because she has been told men like you ( honest and commited) dont really exist....
2006-09-27 04:51:20 · answer #7 · answered by Mindwalker 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Maybe a friend of hers or some one close to her has been cheated on and she is afriad that the same will happen to her and she is getting worried and stressed.
You need to sit with her and talk things out and tell her that trust is a base of any relationship and remind her how much you love,trust and respect her needs.
All the best, I am sure with time she will be over her paranoia.
2006-09-27 05:01:14 · answer #8 · answered by sunlight 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If your wife is soooooooo ampt up about you cheating on her.....eventhough your not, then only one thing can be said about this situation. She probably has something that she is guilty of. Maybe you guys should go to some marriage counseling. If not hire a Private Investigator to keep an eye on her. 90 % of the time you find your answer on why your mate doubts you. Best of Luck!
2006-09-27 04:57:57 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Wow, sounds like your wife is obsessed on finding something wrong in your relationship. If she is unable to trust you, I would try family counseling, because it is not fair to you to live under suspicion all the time. Also try to give her a call when you are coming home from work, and telling her that you may be late for getting something this may help?
2006-09-27 04:46:27 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Let her know that you feel as though she cannot trust you. Ask her if you have ever given her a reason to think that you might be cheating on her. Does she have single friends that she talks to often? Maybe they have something to do with it. Ask her to go to marriage counseling. Do you have kids? The best thing to do is just sit and talk with her.
2006-09-27 04:46:49 · answer #11 · answered by Amber R 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋