I was raped by my friend and got pregnant. I kept the baby because I don't believe in abortions BUT my daughter is the best thing that ever happened to me. Most of my family thinks I should collect child support from her dad and allow him to see her but I don't think thats right. I have a fiancee and he has been there since it happened, he took on that responsibility of being her dad and we are happy with things the way they are. If I collect child support , the courts may allow him ( her dad ) to have contact with her and I really don't want that. What should I do , collect child support or forget the whole thing and just live my life the way it is ? Should I tell her about her father when she gets older or just let her think my fiancee is her dad ?
Please no negative comments , I have no time for it
2006-09-25 17:27:00 · 10 answers · asked by ♥ Army Wife ♥ 4 in Family & Relationships ➔ Other - Family & Relationships
I contacted child support to take the dna , by law he has to take the test because he didn't sign the birth certificate. He hasn't been there since the incident but I heard he wants to see her , he acts like nothing EVER happened. I don't ever want to see him , if I do I might kill him. And if he touches my baby I will def. kill him. I don't mind getting child support BUT if it involves him having contact with her then I am better off without it.
* My daughter is 5mths old
2006-09-25 17:35:52 · update #1
Yes he knows what he did , he tried contacting me shortly after it happened and he said I shouldn't make a big deal out of it etc , he tried turning it around on me .I contacted the police and everything so he knows .He feels because he was a friend that when I said NO that didn't count.
2006-09-25 17:42:53 · update #2
Yes it has been bothering me from day one and my daughter looks like him a little so it kinda hurts but I know I have to be strong for her , I chose to keep her so I knew the hardship that comes with it /. My bf is so amazing he has been helping me alot with this and helping me recover .1
2006-09-25 17:51:23 · update #3
I personally think he should pay for what he has done. Nobody should be able to force anything onto anyone, and never be punished. I think that sends a very unhealthy message.
However, returning to the past might be a little too much for you to handle. And I don't think that anyone can give you the "right" answer, because only you know what you feel, and whether or not you're prepared to deal with what might stand face to face with you.
I don't think that raising your daughter, allowing her to think that your fiance is her father, is a bad thing. But I do think that after a certain age, when she is old enough to handle it, she has every right to know. And not only that, but she might ask. There will be signs that she will no doubt pick up on, and it's probably best coming from you, someone who loves her, rather than her drop-kick father (I'm semi-sorry) turning up unexpected, 15 years later.
Talk it over with your fiance, and decide the best course of action. Sometimes, an outsiders perspective can make the world of difference.
Lastly, hats off to you for keeping the child. You are truly admired.
Good luck.
2006-09-25 18:28:29 · answer #1 · answered by Medicated Harmony 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I am soooooooooo sorry to hear about your rape. I found out growing up that I was a product of rape. I now know my father (I met him when I was 20) and we have a good relationship. I was not allowed to see him until that time and I think it was actually a good idea as he was a drunk way back then. I also heard that he had beat me when I was very young (he and my mother were together until I was 2, then my brother and I were adopted by our grandparents).
As far as getting child support, I don't think you should do it unless you and your fiance think that it would be right/ok. This is totally up to you. Yes, this guy should pay for raping you, and please don't let him get away with it. Too many guys get away with rape. I do hope you know that rape is NOT about sex; it's about power, control, and rage from the rapist. And friend or date rapes are the most common. I have been raped myself (at 18) and not too many people I personally know, know about it. If I had been brave enough at that point, that guy would NOT have gotten away with it. I was lucky and didn't get pg from it. Then I would have had to tell my parents about it. They never knew about it and have since passed away.
As for telling your daughter about her father, if she is super young right now, don't tell her anything and let her believe that the guy you are with is her daddy. In all rights, he is her daddy since he is the one there for her in every way, shape, and form. When she is old enough (plese don't wait until she is in her late teens or an adult), let her know that he isn't her birth father, but do let her know that he has always been there and that makes him more of a father/daddy than being a sperm donor is. I don't think I would tell her until she is an adult, tho, that she is a product of rape. That in itself can really mess a kid up and make them think that they were never wanted.
Good luck to you! It sounds as if you are making all the right decisions for your daughter and yourself. One other thing I would suggest is getting some counseling, if you haven't done so already, for the rape. It is a big trauma. Even if it itsn't bothering you now, it will in the future. It will usually start bothering you when things are the calmest and you feel super safe in your relationship, life, etc. How well I know that one!
Anyway, once again, good luck.
2006-09-26 00:43:40 · answer #2 · answered by honey 6 · 1⤊ 1⤋
First of all any man can be a father, it takes a special man to be a daddy. Especially one who has not donated any genetic material in the creation of that child. I personally would say that unless you NEED the money, dont rock the boat. It sounds as if you have set up a stable environment for your daughter that she will thrive in. If the "Father" has not and does not want contact with the little girl it is not your duty to see that he does. If he wants contact then let him make the first move. As far as telling your daughter, that really is a personal decision. Also it is a double edged sword. If you tell then its a matter of everything I know is wrong and if you dont and she finds out anyway then its a why didnt you tell me. If you do decided to tell her I would wait untill at least 10 or 12.
2006-09-26 00:40:52 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 1⤋
I would collect child support from him....in some cases, he does not have to see her. Has he been trying to contact you so he can? If not, then you have nothing to worry about. If this guy did something so horrific to you, I would definately get paid. I'm very sorry to hear this happened though. But, it all depends on how you feel you should handle it. How old is she now? Maybe in a few years, yes, you can sit her down and let her know what had happened.
2006-09-26 00:31:37 · answer #4 · answered by yourqueenofall 3 · 0⤊ 2⤋
If you can get the child support option without her dad getting partial custody then go for it! A little extra money can't hurt when raising a kid. as to the telling her about he father. i think that she definitely has a right to know who her real dad is, and keeping a secret like that from your own child can have horrible effects on you.
2006-09-26 00:39:25 · answer #5 · answered by Narry 3 · 1⤊ 1⤋
This is a tough one, and you have the final call. If it happened to me, I would probably keep quiet.
Kids have a tough time as it is today--peer pressure, drugs, etc.
Since the "friend" raped you, he is filled with anger of some kind. I would not let this creep near my kid, esp. a daughter.
Most of all though, make the child be happy and loved. That is the greatest gift you could ever give.
Good luck.
2006-09-26 00:33:58 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 1⤋
Rape is an act of violence and should never go unpunished buy anyone. You can get child support from him and also due to his rapping you denial him visitations rights very easy. I am very happy that something good came out of this and that you don't take your anger out on her. I do pray that you sent him to jail for his act of violence against you. yes I would get a lawyer and do everything that I could to get child support from him and due to his sex crimes denial him his rights.
2006-09-26 00:54:34 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
you and your BF should raise her never ever let that rapist have any contact with her he is a sex offender and you will always worry what he might do to her. he sick but the question is how sick is he.. stay away from him good luck
2006-09-26 01:51:09 · answer #8 · answered by Robert H 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
you have to tell her some day but i think the younger she is ..the better that way when she grows up it wont be such a shock. just tell her..." that her daddy is not her real daddy. Tell her that god sent an angel to be her daddy and that he loves her very much."
2006-09-26 00:41:19 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 2⤋
Did your friend know it? If you are happy the way you are and he is not bothering you. Leave it alone!
2006-09-26 00:37:35 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 1⤋