My fiance and I have a conflict that is wrecking our relationship. We tried everyway to solve it but for a year and a half without improvement. So, a month ago I decided that since this is an anonymous website, that I would write for unbiased advice. One of the things that I had to mention in order for people to understand our conflict is something very personal about him that he does not want anyone to know. I told him about this and I read some of the people's insight to him. I thought this would help us to be able to discuss and solve our problem but he got very upset. He felt completely betrayed that I wrote about his pesronal life. He felt that I lied to him about keeping our personal life secretive and that I exposed him. I hate going to outside sources for relationship advice, but figured this is the safest way. I do not know what to do to calm him down and do not exactly know if I was wrong to try this route to solve our problems. Any advice?
2006-09-21 15:28:44 · 23 answers · asked by souplane21 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Read him this: I don't know who you or your girlfriend are and I have no idea how I would find out who you are. She obviously cares a lot about you and wants to resolve your problems as a couple. She just needed a sounding board and some good advice to try to make it happen. That is the beauty of yahoo answers. Also, she could have told her friends, or family all of your problems and asked for advice but she loves you and wants to protect your relationship from the judgment of others. Every relationship has its problems, I love my boyfriend and sometimes he ticks me off, but I don't run and complain to my friends all the time because I don't want them rolling their eyes and calling him a jerk behind my back.
2006-09-21 15:39:40 · answer #1 · answered by BLANK 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Hmmm... It's a tricky situation. Rationally, you haven't really "exposed" him since this is a totally anonymous site; there's no chance that anyone would know who he is. But emotionally, it still feels to a lot of people that posting something like this online is "exposure" and taking the dirty laundry out of the house. Being that you're having problems already, perhaps telling him you did this was not the best thing to do. I can understand why he would be upset that you ran to a bunch of complete strangers for advice, broadcasting his very personal issue to the world. Have you two tried couseling? Perhaps he would feel that a trained professional would be more trustworthy than a free-for-all website.
2006-09-21 22:39:06 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sure. He's being ridiculous. No one knows who you are, nor who he is. And since you had no idea how to get some outside help (apparently your minister was non-existant, or not an option, nor a good girlfriend, nor your mom...), there are lots of people on this site with some real common sense. (And a few loonies, too). Perhaps you should reconsider this future marriage..... If he is having a cow over something like this, what do you think will be the process as the two of you try to work out day-to-day problems with REAL people..... Think about that sweetie. This guy is REALLY insecure if he is upset with this one, and living with a guy with these kinds of insecurities is really a roller-coaster in a marriage......
2006-09-22 00:41:28 · answer #3 · answered by April 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think you should have either asked him to join you in composing your original posting. If he was also interested in getting an unbias opinion on your situation, he wouldn't mind that. My hubby and I often use the internet to get outside opinions anonymously, for what they are worth. If you didn't do this together, you could have at least spared him the responses, and used this as only a tool to clarify your own thoughts. By writing the post, then reciting the answers to him, it would look to him as if you are appealing to strangers for validation to criticize your man.
On another note, I wouldn't trust a man that expects to keeps his personal life secretive. Private, yes, but not secretive. This sets the stage for a home life that accommodates abuse.
Perhaps you and he need to discuss how to address conflicts. It is easy to tell your partner what not to do, but you two need to come up with a plan as to what you should do. Relationship problems should be addressed as a couple, not by just one partner.
If it is any consolation, I just tried to find your original post. I couldn't. That means that, to the average person, your old post is lost in the mists of cyberspace. Even if i could find it, what would I care? I'm a stranger, your a stranger, and your bf is a stranger too. You could be my next-door neighbour, but I would never know it. That is the beauty of the internet.
2006-09-21 22:51:48 · answer #4 · answered by burpolicious 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I don't know. I think that sometimes the best solution is to seek outside help, because both people in a relationship are too close to the problems to really see them. I'd say there was a small amount of betrayal involved in telling hs deep dark secret, but this is an anonymous site. No one here has any idea who he is, so he's kind of overreacting. Considering how long this has been going on, this is more than we can help you with.
Drag his butt to a therapist or break it off, because it's not going to get better on its own.
Good luck!
2006-09-21 22:34:05 · answer #5 · answered by spunk113 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Your boyfriend is showing signs of immaturity and as you said you did tried everyway but there's no improvement. If at this early stage of relationship he behaves like a stubborn child that welcomes no corrections. You better prepare yourself to expect more trouble days to come with that kind of attitude. You will be always on the losing end coz people resolved conflicts thorugh open communication and unless he is willing to change, things are not gonna turn out fine as expected. Are you wlling to sacrifice your future with a pampered child? The choice is yours. For you will be the product of the choice you made.
2006-09-21 23:20:09 · answer #6 · answered by dtmc542006 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well honestly I don't see why he is so upset that you came to an anonymous site. I am going to suggest marriage counseling. I understand that you guys love each other but it seems that this 'secrete' is holding you down. Maybe some time apart will clear your heads before things get too far (aka marriage).
I think it was a good idea to come to this site to look for help but he seems alittle controlling
2006-09-21 22:33:57 · answer #7 · answered by freaking_airhead 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You can read him this also, Buddy you are an irrational asshole who needs to get a grip. Life is to short to get pissed about these trivial things. Like how in the world would anyone know who you people are. At least she didn't go to your mom or cheat on you and tell her lover. Keep up your attitude and she will not be putting up with your bullshit or your little problem. GROW UP!
2006-09-24 00:12:37 · answer #8 · answered by BRANDI R 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Tell him to get over it....is he ever going to see/meet any of the people that read about his life? NO......... you were just trying to look for answers.... your both not in a good place right now....maybe some time apart will help for a little while..let him get his head around the whole situation...
2006-09-21 22:33:23 · answer #9 · answered by Lynne B 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
If you have a conflict for the past year and a half and have not been able to solve it........this relationship has been doomed for well over a year. Forget it, sweetie......you violated something personal with him and you over-stepped. He does not trust you...I wouldn't either. Now, you are back on the Internet asking more questions! Nope.......it is doomed!
2006-09-21 22:33:17 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 1⤋