ok i am now pregnant, but i am not sure who the father is. the reason for this is because i was with my fiance and cheated on him with someone else. i truly didn't mean to. cuz i really loved this man and still do after all this time. i am very sorry for what i have done. only god knows how sorry i am for what i did. the problem lies with the fact that i am having a hard time forgiving myself for what i did cause it was so out of character. i miss him and it has been 7 months since i have seen him. my daughter is due in october. becoming a single mother is scary, but doable, the other guy has shown no acknowledgement and i am better off without him. but i want it to be my x fiancee's so maybe we can have a chance at a family. am i just crazy for even worrying about all this when all i should worry about is my daughter. im just so lonely sometimes and i miss him sooo much .
2006-09-17 08:48:58 · 19 answers · asked by tina 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Other - Family & Relationships
In my mind cheating is wrong.. I am not judging you nor saying any negative things about you given the fact that you already feel bad about the situation and I know how pregnancy make your mood swings too...But I feel that once a person cheats, I don't think forgive them and taking them back is a good idea.. I feel that once a guy and a girl is in a relationship it is all about trust and loyal.. If you can't even stay loyal to this person how can you even go on to the next level or trust them for the rest of your live.. If it's the other way around will you want your partner to cheat??? Yes you say you feel horrible about cheating but yet your action is disgrace and selfish.... If you feel bad and sad your partner will feel ten times as worst as how you feel ... I'm just saying move on and find another person and learn your lesson from the previous mistake that you make..
That is how you grow by experiences... If you want to be a better person you stand up and take it step by step and learn all of those mistakes that you make before.. As far as your fiance not all people are lenient about forgiving a person that hurts us the most and usually we move on because there already a scar there that we cannot fix.. If he forgive you great.. You can prove to him you will never ever do that again.. But if not at least you have one and half month of seeing your daughter and give all your love to your daughter.. She at least will give you everything that the other guy that you cheated with can't give you...
As far as you say you can't forgive yourself.. What's done is done .. You can't turn back time.. Just learn it and move on and stop thinking about the past... Be happy.. Life is too short to think about the past... Congratulation on your baby girl and wishes you the best of everything..
2006-09-17 09:10:18 · answer #1 · answered by funkysha916 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
being alone in this pregnancy I'm sure is ruff i was alone but because the father was a dork. did u tell your ex you cheated? if you really want him back you need to be really up front about what and why you felt the need too cheat. ask him how he feels about you and your relationship now and find out if there's any chance for a reconciliation. if there's a chance great talk about what you and he needs to do to repair the damage. there is hope. however if he cant find it in his heart to forgive you it will never work. trust is a hard thing to fix. and the fact that you don't know who the father of your baby is does make it difficult for the so said father. it takes a real man to accept a child that isn't his. so if he cant past those issues yes i would move on. don't make your life more difficult trying to change someones feelings or fighting for there trust when it has been broken. your daughter deserves a better life than that. good luck no matter how it turns out if your strong and have faith it will all work out for the best.
2006-09-17 09:04:23 · answer #2 · answered by HEATHER O 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You made your bed now you have to sleep in it. You are probably going to have to wait until you can find out for sure who the father is, if its his you may have a shot, although a really slim one, if its not you are done for. But how can you sleep with someone and get knocked up and not mean to? This stuff doesn't happen accidentally, if you were trying to apologize and/or explain it to me and thats what you said it would just make me even more angry because its bs and it would mean that not only did you cheat but that you are STILL lying about why. At least tell the truth about why you did what you did, its the only chance you have. Quit trying to bs him and yourself. Spend this time figuring out and writing down what REALLY happened, what your reasons for doing this really were and go from there. I saw a list of things that is designed to help people determine whether or not to forgive a cheater, maybe it would help you understand what you need to do if you can ever hope to fix this. Good luck.
As far as continuing the relationship or not you first need to determine whether or not getting over it is something you should do. I saw 7 things that can help you determine this:
Is it an isolated incident or a pattern of behavior? (including past relationships, even if its the first time he cheated on you has he cheated on other gf's)
Does he own it (take full blame) or does he make excuses for why it happened?
Does he REALLY grasp the damage he's done to you and your relationship or does he just pay it lip service?
Is he sorry for the choice he made or sorry that he got caught?
Is he willing to do what it takes to clean up the mess he made, whatever it takes and however long it takes? or does he want to deny it and move on?
Is it out of character for him or is he insenstive about other things too? (respects your feelings, treats you with dignity, etc)
Is it a legacy or a new behavior? did he grow up in a family where this happened? if its what he learned thats a big clue.
Once you've gone through these and IF you determine that the answers all favor a successful relationship then you take it one day a at a time, if its a history or a pattern you leave and realize that it is the idea of the relationship that you 'love' and not the reality, surely you don't define being loved as someone that devestates you emotionally and doesn't care that he did. Finally, there is a question for you, if you reinvest yourself in this relationship and they do cheat will you be able to handle it or would you be emotionally wiped out? Never invest more than you can afford to lose
2006-09-17 08:56:59 · answer #3 · answered by dappersmom 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Yes, you deserve a second chance. But you need to prove that by learning why you did what you did, and how you need to grow as a person. Everyone makes mistakes, and you are entitled to one when it comes to cheating.......but only if you are remorseful. Beating yourself up is useless and counterproductive. Your chance at redemption lies with your child........be a wonderful mother and teach your children about relationships when they get older. Learn about yourself and what your weaknesses are. Take responsibility for your life, but move on from your past mistakes. You have the rest of your life to be a good person and a great parent. Let the man in your life be a second priority and dont' worry about that relationship right now. If he loves you and sees the changes in you, and if he is impressed with your mothering abilities, then he will come back. When women cheat, they usually were lackign something in the relationship. They also become extrememly self centered, and you can't be that way when your child is born.
Move on, forgive yourself, change and grow.
2006-09-17 08:55:36 · answer #4 · answered by paintgirl 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Does your fiance know that you cheated?? If he does, tell him what you just told me. That you're sorry. That you miss him. Plus, I'm sure you want your little girl to have a father. Ask for his forgivness. If he forgives you and wants to start up your relationship again, then great. You'd be getting more than you deserve. If he doesn't, then he doesn't. You'll have to start over and find someone else that will be willing to work through your problems with you and become a father to your child while still loving you. :) God bless, and I hope this all works out for the better.
Love ~S. Elizabeth
2006-09-17 08:55:46 · answer #5 · answered by S. Elizabeth 5 · 2⤊ 0⤋
if this is the first time then i think you deserve another chance and after all i just may be your fiancee's baby but with him not being around for 7 months look at how much he's already missed and when it all boils down and if he finds out it is hes then he gonna be upset cause he's missed alot already you can always forgive as long as it don't happen over and over again so yes i think you so get another chance and think about a way to get a hold of him
2006-09-17 09:00:12 · answer #6 · answered by nikki e 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It stinks to be facing being a single mother by yourself, and God knows we all make mistakes. Unfortunately, there may not be a way to put the toothpaste back in this particular tube.
You can try contacting your ex, level with him, and give him a sincere apology. Where it goes from there is anybody's guess. He may still be hurt and angry and not want to hear from you. Or he might really miss you and want to get back together, but have serious, serious issues trusting you - and boy, those issues can go on for years! In that case, the two of you would be really wise to look into some couples counseling.
Counseling might be a good idea for you anyhow. You have a baby coming, which is hard all by itself, and you have all of these other issues you're still trying to work through. Whatever happens with your ex, you're going to have to find a way to deal with what you did - try to understand why you did it, learn from it, and move on to the next stage of life confident that you're a better and smarter person.
And, although I hate to bring this up, you may need to look into DNA testing to establish who the baby's father is. One of those men is responsible for helping to support the baby and, I would hope, would be interested in having a relationship with her.
Best of luck!
2006-09-17 09:08:01 · answer #7 · answered by IrritableMom 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
No you dont deserve a second chance. That was the ultimate betrayal. I wouldnt take you back no matter how much you begged. People make mistakes true, but cheating is one that someone 99% of the time have the time to think about it. Plus ur pregnant with someone elses kid? Ha! It would be a cold day in hell b4 I took you back
2006-09-17 09:11:31 · answer #8 · answered by You_dumb_bastard 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You truly didn't mean too? You tripped on fell on his manhood or what? How was it an accident? Face it. You chose to go for instant self gratification. You made a selfish choice and now you are trying to justify it for yourself and us. Sorry, it won't work. No, you do not deserve a second chance. You have clearly demonstrated your lack of loyalty and shown that you cannot be trusted. I feel sorry for the baby, but life is about choices and you made yours. Sorry to be so harsh, but what you did was very very wrong. I hope that for your sake and for the sake of your baby that you learn from this a grow from it. Now go be a good mom, that is how you will earn your self respect back.
2006-09-17 09:00:00 · answer #9 · answered by William E 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I have kinda been in your shoes before. my circumstances were a little different but not much. My partner and I stayed together. I believe the way we get along now we wished we would have just stayed close friends for the older children. You should never stay in a relationship because of the children or because you are lonely. Take care of your daughter first.
2006-09-17 09:00:41 · answer #10 · answered by susan s 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋