What's the best way to deal with controlling and/or bad-tempered people in a relationship?

Question

If you are already in a long-term relationship or marriage, what do you do to try and accept or manage this kind of situation?

Answer 1

marriage/relationship counseling

Answer 2

1

Answer 3

I have the bad temper in my marriage. I have learned to get a grip on it. What helped me was when my husband would tell me that I had an anger problem and he would get mad, but stay calm. His calmness always made me feel like an idiot and then I would realize that I needed to control my temper. Which I have! Now my husband has the control issues, and I just basically told him that he has no right to control anyone but himself and that he should practice that more often! It's all about communication.

Answer 4

i believe it takes an enormous amount of Communication, Trust, and Open Mindedness.

first of all, they have to accept that their actions cause you to feel Negatively. even if they don't do it on purpose, dont' even know what they're doing, if they love and care about you, they have to Validate your feelings. and a lot of times, if u don't point it out, they would never know to change it. also, u may feel that u are loving that person MORE by accepting their behavior, but that's not necessarily true; think of a drug addict. if u loved ur wife but she is a drug addict, is it truly LOVING and Caring for her well being if u don't help her to stop? accepting her behavior doesn't mean u are using your love in a Healthy manner.

remember u also have to do all you can to be a good partner.. if YOU keep yourself accountable, are a wonderful husband and partner and person, and that person appreciates you, they have to admit that you are trying hard in the relationship right? if they feel you are not trying hard, they will hardly feel they need to change.

after they validate your feelings, u have to find a way to Compromise. and that may be to come up w/ different solutions, and trying them out. and that also means it will take TIME, and they will probably forget, or make mistakes. so now it becomes kind of a 'test'.... and so, when that person makes mistakes, u have to find a way to Communicate (again!) in a Positive, Healthy Manner.

therapy/counselling is a good idea, but if they are not receptive, u gotta explain in a way that ur partner will understand. remember, men and women think Extremely differently; i've realized w/ my boyfriend that i have to explain Everything step-by-step.... he called me heavy, and i had to ExPLAIN that to a woman, it hurts her feelings, makes her feel fat..and he's like, "i didnt' call u fat!" so by denying it, he is not validating my feelings. and that makes me more upset. he needed to understand that even tho he didn't THINK he was sayign anything bad, what he said hurt my feelings. so he needs to apologize, and Think before he Speaks. and i need to be able to talk to him calmly about it, explain why i am upset, and give him the chance to change.

it's not perfect, but when u know ur partner is 100% TRYING to change, it is worth it. there is comfort. but if u feel they dont' care, or they are not trying, u become resentful and unhappy.

remember to try ur hardest to strive for Positive, Healthy, Happy, and Good things. if that person will not change, u may have to leave!! that is an extreme. but i'm just saying, u have to first make sure u are a good partner; that's the only way u can expect ur partner to be good as well. good luck.

Answer 5

change the page and do not let this happen any more, tell your partner that effective today ...no longer will you accept this...sit down and make rules that are fair and acceptable...controlling is abusive and not acceptable for anyone to have to deal with. make your partner realize that this does not make you happy...your partner will fuss and insist it be their way, insist and stand up to this partner. [even if you separate you will be sad, but if love is real things will get better for you...]do not settle just to be with your partner.life with peace and harmony is worth the effort

Answer 6

First of you do not accept this kind of behavoir, you tell them up front that what they do hurts you and if they would like to continue this relationship things have to change, that is what you have to do. No one should have to live with that, my partner used to sometimes be a huge dick, we finally had a huge blow up about it and I told them that they could not continue this or I would be leaving them....we talked more about it and now I havbe the most lovable caring person in the whole...you have got to communicate!!!

Answer 7

Stop and think if it is really where you want to be.. If this is how they have been the entire time you have been together then you have already accepted them for that.. If this is something new.. You need to decide if it is worth sticking around for and how it affects your relationship.. If you are not happy.. Leave....

Answer 8

well,if you know your partners anger or tempor is temporary and you love him/her more than anyhting else then i guess just learn to accept it and humble down a bit when his/her temper is high!!just go and give a hug and things will be just fine,its all about managing and getting thru that tough moment of bad atmosphere,if you get over it then i guess you have achieved!!good luck!!

Answer 9

Refuse to put up with it. Life is too short to let someone make it miserable for you. Tell them that and mean it.

Answer 10

Just walk away and refuse to deal with them when they are like that, tell them when they calm down you'll talk:)