need your help you lot,the marriage she is paying for,and its very pricey,our sex life is zero,her ex done everything you could possibly do sex wise yes everything,she said she wont do certain things with me because it was things she used to do with him,she went out with police officer,he used to cuff her up and stuff.she says she enjoyed it,i try everything but shes never interested,she says she loves me she wants to try for kids on our honeymoon,shes 35 im 31,i find it hard coping with our lack of sex i find her beautiful and sexy.but i cant get near her,please help
2006-09-15 05:46:23 · 26 answers · asked by jonas 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
She has got serious problems and you are setting yourself up for a lot of unhappiness if you marry her. It is very cruel to tell someone you plan to marry, who you are supposed to love, what you have done sex wise with other men, knowing full well it will hurt them. I would question her motive for doing this. There is no guarantee she will follow through once you are married. Incidentally, you say she is beautiful and sexy, but do you love her? I don't think she loves you at all. My advice would be to cut and run and find someone who doesn't make a game of sex. As a postscript my husband has just read this and he said, from a man's point of view, he wouldn't touch her with a barge pole. That said, don't forget there are other things important to a relationship, although that is not to say sex is unimportant. Good luck, whatever you decide, but I hope you opt to find someone who will appreciate and love you for who you are and not to compare with past lovers.
2006-09-15 06:07:06 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Do you really want to get married? You sound hesitant, and are asking if she loves you. If you are hesitant, stop this now, or you could make a huge mistake. Don't necessarily end the relationship - but just tell her maybe about your concerns? If you find her sexy and beautiful, you obviously like her a lot, so tell her so... start off the convo with that, tell her that there's no need to be scared with you, be gentle and caring and understanding (it may take a lot of time) and reassure her because it sounds like its what she needs and deserves after her wotsit (u may imagine any language u want there) of an ex did to her. Maybe u just need a bit of time together before u jump in for children etc and marriage. Otherwise people will get more hurt in the long run really, wont they?
2006-09-15 17:31:57 · answer #2 · answered by angelfacecutie 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Why did she break up with her other husband, if sex was great with him? There most have been something wrong for her not wanting to have sex. She still thinks a lot about her sex life with her ex although she says that she loves you and is paying for the wedding. You be taking the rick of getting married and may regret it later. It a big leap for you if you haven't been married before especial you going into a situation like this, not going to last very long. I think about it very careful both of you. Good luck
2006-09-15 13:10:07 · answer #3 · answered by pal6 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
The lack of sex is a definite worry as sex is integral to a good relationship. It also wasn't very nice of her to tell you about sex with her ex, seems a bit like she's rubbing it in. Without meaning to be horrible, are you sure she is over him? I think you should definitely put the wedding on hold until you have sorted your relationship out, whether she is paying for it or not. Let her know you are unhappy and worried and don't think you are both having a full relationship. Sex isn't just about making babies, it's about being really close to someone!
2006-09-15 12:54:28 · answer #4 · answered by Oldfruit 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You will have to approach this very carefully, the situation that you are in is difficult and when you love someone its very hard to see things from the outside. From your questions you are not ready to marry. If sex is a no no now then it does not get any better after you get married. If you appraoch her that you want to put back the wedding for another year and she gets angry, I know it will hurt but you have to. If not you will be on the divorce circuit in a year anyway. Its hard to listen to reason but its your choice......unhappy in a relationship = unhappily married = divorce, don't start trying for a family on your honeymoon, after a divorce is she going to want to bring up a child or are you?? back off on the wedding or get out....you asked the question but you already know the answer yourself harsh as it might be. best of luck whatever you decide.
2006-09-15 15:56:51 · answer #5 · answered by Emmet 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you love her then respect her and wait till the honeymoon.I dare say shes gagging just as much but just wants re-assuring of the fact you aint going to treat her badly or leave her,and her way of doing this is by making you wait till she is ready.If you push the issue with her you could end up losing her. have a shake on the quiet to releive the frustation,and think about the night thats instore for you on the honeymoon..
2006-09-15 12:54:39 · answer #6 · answered by martinsbits2000 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
i was in a relationship like that the ex and he has kids i put up with it for 10 years i even married him thought it would change that the ex would be out our lives no chance i made a mistake it will always be you her and the ex my bloke always put his ex b4 me still does i just have not found the courage to leave yet i have the same problem he dont let me near him either you may love her but is it worth going through with it if it does not work in the end? im not being nasty it may be a happy ending but if you have doubts think about it i know it hurts it will but make thre right decision
2006-09-15 16:36:15 · answer #7 · answered by carol h 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
She shouldn't have told you all that in the first place. I know where she's coming from though....your not satisfying her and maybe your trying too hard too often. This is a turn off. Play it cool and she will want you, you'll see.
Also she may be depressed or just not feel sexy like she used to, has she put on weight lately?
Don't marry yet...it sounds like she's not over him and marrying you because it's the right time for her to settle down.
2006-09-15 12:50:40 · answer #8 · answered by Gypsie 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
To be honest, this is really stuff you should be discussing with her. This is not the place to get a definative answer on whether to marry someone!
Although having said that, nothing is more of a turn off than a man whining about not getting it enough. Your only issue with your wife-to-be is sex. Is that really healthy?
2006-09-15 20:10:50 · answer #9 · answered by Ca-ca 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
She is NOT over her ex. You need to give this relationship more time... you are moving too fast! You shouldn't marry ANYONE after only a year. I don't think that she loves you but I only have your side. So unless you never want good sex again AND a divorce freakin' WAIT!
2006-09-15 12:50:34 · answer #10 · answered by SexxyPrincess 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋