Husband doesn't want to go visit my parents with me?

Question

Yes my mother is difficult, but she's still my Mom. He doesn't care if I go visit them alone, but he doesn't want to go with me. I always go with him to visit his family and have gotten to know them very well. We live thousands of miles away from both families, but we're closer to his family than mine. But, with good planning money is not an issue. I take it personal that he doesn't want to get closer to my parents. Not only that, when we move next year, we'll be an hour away from his family but still 2000 miles away from mine. I'm feeling like I have to give up my family and just absorb into his life. It doesn't seem fair. Do you think it means that he doesn't really love me - he's not interested in my family or where I come from?

We live in Hawaii - my parents are in Wisconsin. I've get to see them once a year.....so far I've only seen them ALONE he's never gone along with me.

Answer 1

My fiance is the same way as your husband. It has nothing to do with his love for me, he just happens to be a very anti-social person with people he doesn't know that well. Also, there are some things that he doesn't agree with that my family does, so maybe you should have a discussion with your husband to see if maybe this is the issue. I try not to force my family onto him, but there are certain occassions that I "make" him attend. If your husband has always been this way, it may be hard to chage him now. Good luck!

Answer 2

I had the exact same problem with my now ex-husband. He didn't like my mom and refused to go with me to go visit her. I felt the exact same way you do. I think when you marry someone you marry into your family... not just you. Its unfair to you. He may not really love you... I don't know. All I know is that our relationship ended and looking back I know it was the best decision I could have ever made. Now I am closer to my mom than I ever was before and I won't let another guy come between us ever again.

Answer 3

Personally, i was like him previously.. I also didn't want to visit my wife family. But the reason behind it was. her family have alot of negative comments about me, as i just eat and sleep whole day. Due to her home town was so dead, and nothing for sight seeing or eye catching, etc. etc. and life is such a bored (i did share with her about this issues).

In view of this, i just eat, watch TV and sleep even in the late morning.. And that's where all the negative remarks came from.
Further to this, when her parents kept giving such remarks; my wife just agree with them and yet blaming me of my such behaviour.

I would hope that she kinda explain to her parent on why I'm like this or like that, and let's see how we can improve further the next time we come again! But this is not the case, which i hate it..
To the extend, she never show any kind of support or give me some encouragement to me when coming to her parents house.

I just told her, i'm not wanting to go to her parents house in future..

So, Honey, it's up to you how you analyse your HB situation first, before thinking of you conclusion, which might not be true..
There may be reason behind on why he didn't want to see you family..

Good luck to you honey..

Answer 4

Would you choose to be friends with your mother if she wasn't your mother? You say she's difficult. Does that mean she is critical of hubby? Controlling? Opinionated? Odd? For his own reasons, your husband doesn't want to see her. Did you mother oppose him as a boyfriend? Has she made critical remarks to or about hubby? Your husband simply doesn't want to visit. He isn't trying to prevent you from seeing her. Now, do you REALLY blame your husband for not caring for your mother? Be honest. Your husband married YOU. Certainly, a person should try to be at least civil to their mate's family, but sometimes it just doesn't work out. It doesn't mean anybody is necessarily wrong, just that they don't get along. I myself had family I wouldn't care to visit, so I didn't visit them, and they stayed away from me. It kept things peaceful

Answer 5

For better and For worse, when you marry the person you also marry the family. It would be different if you didn't want to keep ties with your family but since you do he has a responsibility to you and them. Thats part of the whole package. Just remeber though to treat him as you expect to be treated and by that I mean if you expect him to be by your side with his family you should be by his with yours. Talk to him and make sure he's listening-Conversation can be the best oral stimulant. Good Luck.

Answer 6

Had the same problem . When his family had a get together of any sort I would change my mind and stay home at the last minute and he had to go by himself. He got the point .

Answer 7

I can understand your question. My wife did not go with me to my dad's funeral in 86, and she did not go with me when my mom passed last year. I go visited my relatives once a year, but I always go alone.
Another thing I can say and it is nothing to brag about, but she did not even go to her mom or dads funeral, and I offered to pay for the trip.
I hope one day that he will go with you, but do not stop going because he will not go.

Answer 8

Your right, its not fair, but you need to tell him that if thats the way he wants it, thats what he will get. Remind him that next time he wants you to do something with him, something that means a lot to him, you will do the same. Maybe that will help him.

Answer 9

he loves you but hes just selfish. No matter what your mother is his mother-inlaw and he should pay his respects by visiting her. Tell him that hes being selfish by not visiting your mom. Even if he hates it, he still has to go.

Answer 10

I don't think once a year would hurt him. If it does, stop going with him to his parents home. He'll have to make excuses for your absence and he'll know how it feels.