before me & my bf were officially together, we would talk on the phone for hrs, hang out almost every night.. we were each others best friends who happened to like each other.
in that time (which was a year ago) my bf slept with a mutual friend of ours (more his friend than mine). he never told me & kept it a secret for a year.. i found out from the girl he slept w/
he tells me now that he didnt tell me bc at the time we werent going out & although he liked me then, he had had a lot of flirty things in the past that never developed into anything further.. he assumed i was "out of his league" & figured i would never go for him..so he got action where he could
it really bothers me that 1) he hooked up with a girl A MONTH before we started OFFICIALLY dating even though we were togetherishh & 2) he never intended to tell me!
is this cheating? or was he justified to do what he did?
2006-09-14 09:39:39 · 10 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Other - Family & Relationships
he is still friends with the girl
2006-09-14 09:44:50 · update #1
it was a casual drunk friend hook up, so they dont see each other romantically anymore.. apparently
2006-09-14 09:45:24 · update #2
ps sex is a big deal to me.. i am still in high school so its not like i go out and get sex every night
2006-09-14 09:46:05 · update #3
but we WERE together! kinda.. it hurts..
2006-09-14 09:54:06 · update #4
In my opinion, no this is not cheating. Like you said, you two weren't "officially" together; and although you talked a lot and hung out, if you weren't dating then there's no reason he shouldn't have hooked up with someone else, especially if he figured you weren't into him. I'll talk to female friends for hours on the phone, and I know for a fact that they don't want to be with me in a relationship setting. When you two did actually get together, the other girl (to be perfectly blunt, and I'm sorry to be so) had nothing to do with you and honestly wasn't any of your business. Would you expect him to inform you of every girl he's ever slept with? Did you inform him of every guy you've slept with? Of course not. Sure, eventually it will come out if you're together long enough, it happens. Think of it like this: he slept with her, but he's dating you. If he didn't like you, he wouldn't have gotten together with you. Be happy that you have a boyfriend that cares about you (and I'm quite sure that he does, I guarentee he meant no harm by it), and immerse yourself in that warm thought. I hope I helped!
2006-09-14 09:48:50 · answer #1 · answered by ? 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well if you look at the male mental anatomy you can see why he thinks he can justify himself. I think that he didn't necessarily cheat on you because like you said yourself, you weren't technically together, but what he did was selfish and sneaky. I think that if you guys are really serious in your relationsip that you should both sit down and share all your little secrets and go from there. Ask him to always be open with you no matter what.
2006-09-14 16:48:42 · answer #2 · answered by Lacey 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It's not cheating. You guys were friends, and you should be grateful he didn't come to you as just friends for his own sexual needs....that would have totally ruined it from the beginning in most cases. He did exactly what you stated, he got action where he could. As long as he's not developed feelings for this girl and/or is still close with her you have nothing to worry about.
2006-09-14 16:43:46 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you guys weren't officially together you can't really use it against him he was at the time entitled to do what he wanted because you guys were not a couple. I'm sure it hurts but that's how things are sometimes. If you really want to be with him don't be childish about it and just let it go. Also try to put yourself in his shoes.(just my thoughts).
2006-09-14 17:00:29 · answer #4 · answered by baby girl 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Technically it is not cheating because you Guys weren't together! Don't worry about it, if it happened before you guys got together them why should he tell you. It has nothing to do with you, because i'm sure if he was with you he wouldn't have cheated on you.
2006-09-14 16:50:16 · answer #5 · answered by Eli_Corona_ 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sounds like he needed to get his 'rocks' off and your relationship at that point came nowhere close to that. As far as not telling you, why should he. He didn't do anything wrong in that you were not INVOLVED with him at that time. I don't give details of my sex life to people because it is tasteless and rude especially for your partners.
2006-09-14 16:53:35 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
If he wasn't your boyfriend and he slept with another girl, than he didn't cheat on you. Simple as that.
Now, it's up to you to be able to overcome it, or kick him to the curb because you can't handle the knowledge.
Good Luck.
2006-09-14 17:03:44 · answer #7 · answered by Laquishacashaunette 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well, you were not Offically 2gether. So, NO., he did not cheat on you. But he should not be freinds with that girl. She probably thinks there is something there
2006-09-14 16:47:43 · answer #8 · answered by Photographer 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I didn't read anything but the top BOLD part... if you have evidence, why are you asking US what you should do?
It's obvious you dont want to let go if you're hesitant about the PROOF you have....duh!
2006-09-14 16:42:55 · answer #9 · answered by qtiebabie06 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
you should not get upset about something that happened before you were bf and gf...and not telling you..he dont have to tell you everything.
2006-09-14 16:45:08 · answer #10 · answered by my_hart2hart 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋