I grew up as a tom boy with several male platonic friends. Now as a married woman, my husband forbids me to contact any of them. Some of these males I have known since I was a kid, and my thought is that if they really wanted me as more than a friend, they would have made that obvious at some point in the last 10-15 years. My husband firmly believes that girls can be friends with guys, but guys can absolutely not be just friends with girls.
2006-09-14 08:37:08 · 12 answers · asked by Lacey 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Other - Family & Relationships
It is difficult, IMHO, for a man to have an intimate friendship with a woman. I have a couple of female friends and have found that at times, the close friendship leads to some sexual urges. I have never acted on them, but I have felt them strongly. It requires a mature and sincere type of love to remember that intruding on your friend's relationship is would be bad for her and bad for the friendship too.
That said, I think that your husband is being unreasonable. The best way for him to handle this to invite them and their girlfriends/wives all over for a barbecue or something. He can meet them and befriend them. The two of you would then have the opportunity to subtly indicate that your marriage is the best thing in your lives. That's sets the ground rules in a nice way. Once they become his friends too, he is more likely to trust them, and they are more likely to be respectful of your relationship.
Personally, I would love to get to know my wife's/girlfriend's old friends. It gives an insight into her personality and character from a different perspective. Knowing her better is always good.
And, there can never be a one-on-one outing of any kind that is not known to your spouse. Your lives need to be an open book for each other.
2006-09-14 08:47:28 · answer #1 · answered by Otis F 7 · 3⤊ 1⤋
I really hate to say this, but your husband has a very good point. We women don't see anything wrong with having male friends because we know our feelings towards them. A male however has one thing on his mind and don't let anyone tell you any different, but males think about sex 24 hrs a day, 7 days a week. I know this because I have a ton of brothers, and a boyfriend that tells me how the male mind works. Even though you have known these guys since childhood that doesn't mean they aren't thinking other thoughts about you. I can speak from experience because I grew up with two male best friends that were brothers. Actually they were me and my brother's best friends. We were really cool, but as we got older I was still in friendship mode, but obviously they weren't anymore. I had no idea they liked me and wanted to have sex with me. I was shocked because I thought since we had grwon up with each other that could never happen. Guys don't need girls as friends,atleast not very close friends because no matter what, guys know how they are and what their thinking. I'm not saying you should totally put these guys out of your life, but you should limit the friendship now that your married. Put yourself in your husband's place and try to be understanding of where he's coming from and how this makes him feel.
2006-09-14 08:51:01 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I agree with your husband. Besides, you have a husband to do all those same things with, so why do you need to keep your old buddies around? I'm not saying you should never talk to them again, but it certainly isn't very appropriate to hang out alone with them. Treat him like you would want to be treated. I mean, if your husband had attractive female friends, wouldn't YOU be the least bit suspicious and jealous?
2006-09-14 08:44:18 · answer #3 · answered by roobs 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I recycle ALL my lovers and should they ever get married...the contingency will be that I am still friends with their husband. (And in the wedding party!)
So far, I've actually become better friends with the GFs of my guy friends...funny.
I never was romantically involved with any past BFs after we split. It is very possible to have such relationships.
2006-09-14 08:46:08 · answer #4 · answered by LUCKY3 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It only works if neither person has romantic inclinations toward the other and the marital partner doesn't mind. I believe it can work and have some great male friends, but if your husband is jealous, it will only lead to big problems down the road.
You have to trust your partner completely.
2006-09-14 08:40:53 · answer #5 · answered by ingy 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
as long as you dont spend time with them one on one like going out, or lunch/dinner then its ok. other than that your husband is right to be wary of any guys that want to spend time with you - how would you feel if he had women calling him up, emailing him, and spending time with them - you'd think he was having an affair - especially if they've known eachother for a long time - youd think that they used to be involved and still have feeling for eachother
besides you've grown up and no longer a tomboy but a wife
2006-09-14 08:47:31 · answer #6 · answered by 10 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I think he shouldn't do that especailly if he is able to keep his friends that are girls. I think it is absolutely fine if you hold on to your guy friends just don't be in any situation that could be considered questionable and just remind your husband every now and then that they are just friends and he is the only man in the world for you :)
2006-09-14 08:41:01 · answer #7 · answered by H 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
I was always a bit of a tomboy myself..I love cars, motorcycles, sports everything. My boyfriend was a little worried at first but he's accepted it. You need trust, if these are friends you've had for years it shouldnt matter
2006-09-14 08:55:00 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I see both sides and there isn't one right answer. Guys do always think about females sexually, but most never act on it. I guess it depends if they were previous boyfriends or not. I have females friends, but my doesn't like.
2006-09-14 09:06:59 · answer #9 · answered by Pez 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
maybe hes feeling insecure about your relationship that you have together I have male friend's and my husbands know I love him and there is none else now I'm not saying your husband doesn't know you love him but maybe he insecure
2006-09-14 08:47:34 · answer #10 · answered by Josie 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋