How do you feel? I have a 4 and 7 yr. old. Should it be if they behave they get a treat, or if they don't?

Question

they will be punished? It can't be both, and I personally prefer the punishment part. That way if they're having the time of their lives running down a hospital corridor screaming their heads off, that to them might be worth missing out on ice-cream or a new toy.
Also am I correct in thinking they should not be bribed with dessert so that they will eat their dinner? The fact that they won't starve and are getting all of their nutrition should be reward in itself. Tell me what you think. All comments welcome. Even you people.... yeah, you know who you are. O.k. that was a joke.

Answer 1

I think you can do both. Even in behavioral psychology there are bribes except it is labeled "positive reinforcement".


For example yesterday my daughter helped me soften the soil from the spot their pool stood this summer, I didn't ask her she offered her assistance. She also set the table and emptied the dishwasher which is part of her chores. I gave her a dollar and told her it was an extra allowance for being such a good help. I think the reward was fitting.

Now for the no dessert. My kids don't have junk snacks during the day but every night it is a bowl of ice cream. I also don't withhold that if they don't eat there dinner. My kids and me are picky eaters. My daughter doesn't eat any meat except chicken, and I can understand not liking certain foods. I'm a vegetarian and would flip if someone told me I had to eat a cow!

If they don't like dinner they make either cheerios or a peanut butter sandwich for themselves and still get dessert.

Now for punishment, I take away TV and video games for a certain amount of time.

Answer 2

I am of the opinion that a child should not be rewarded for doing what is right and expected daily behavior. Taking away things such as a favorite toy is a good tactic. There is also a way to reward over a period of time to assist in learning proper behaviors. This could be in the form of earning points for completing assigned tasks such as keeping their room picked up, taking out the trash or using kind words when addressing their siblings. After recieving a predetermined amount of points at the agreed upon time, say one week. They may use the points to recieve an earned treat such as an ice cream cone, or pick where the family is going to dinner. It is a pretty good earn and reward system.

Answer 3

I was watching Supernanny the other day and I have done something similar to what she did on the show. Good behavior gets an object in a jar ( a penny, a silk flower etc.). Bad behaivor gets one of the objects removed. When the child gets 10 objects, that child gets a "reward" of sorts but not a toy. I would suggest picking out a movie from the video store or choosing what dinner will be that night for rewards.

Good behaivor would include cleaning up her/his room without a fight, putting clothes away in drawers etc.

Bad behaivor would be throwing fits, not listening etc.

This teaches them to set a goal and what is and what is not acceptable behaivor.

As far as dessert goes, I personally simply state as a reminder "If you don't have room for dinner, you don't have room for dessert"

Answer 4

I don't believe in bribing kids. As they grow up you may find yourself in a situation where you feel you have to and I don't think it will ruin everything if you do it sparingly. Sometimes I make a deal with my son. The other day he and his best friend offered to do some extra cleaning if his friend could spend the night, and I felt that was alright. But all in all I feel that virtue is its own reward. And that's the way I've raised my 9 year old. I spanked but never if I was angry. And I found when he was younger if I took time daily to play with him on his level he behaved better. I also try to understand that he is just a kid with boundless energy. So when his friend spends the night and they get a little rowdy, I let that go. But I let him know early on that his job was to make me look good (half joking). So when we are in public together or when he goes somewhere with friends, he is to remember that he represents me. When we are in public I expect different behavior. Many people have told me that they were very impressed with him because of that. Lastly I think its okay to splurge once in a while on something just to say "Hey I think you're great and you really made me proud the other day when you (fill in the blank) shared, saved me a piece of pizza, did your homework without being asked. Wishing you happy parenting, because we have to stick together.

Answer 5

My mon is a psycho-pathologist and she feels to much discipline stifles creativity. Sometimes children scream because they can't be heard by their parents any other way. It is their inner ego striving to be heard.
However, she doesn't reward unacceptable behavior. There is no talk of what is for desert. My plate is fixed and I am expected to eat what I want, whether it is at home or in a restaurant.
However we don't eat snacks later. You eat only at the table, only at diner time. So you learn to eat what you get.
I cannot even imagine what my parents would do if I ran down the hospital corridor. That would get me a time out in a chair.
If I misbehave when we go out the next few times I stay home with a baby sitter. Going out is a privilege not a right.
But I don't really want to go out with them because they are really boring. When I was little I did. When you go out with adults you act like an adult. That was the rule.

Answer 6

I don't believe that children should be rewarded for manners and civilized behavior. Does anyone reward you?

I think they should be clearly told what is expected of them, and the consequences should be removal from the event or the situation. You should clearly tell them what will happen, and then do it. If you go to a hospital (and why in the world you are taking children into a hospital is beyond me), and they don't behave properly for where they are, then take them home. Leave them at home until they understand what is expected of them. Take the one that gets it, leave the other at home with the other parent or a sitter.

You are responsible as a parent to protect your kids from situations where they easily get out of control. Children don't belong in a hospital for any reason unless they are the patient. Don't take them to a toy store, allow them to get over stimulated and then blame them for the tantrum. Don't take them into a public place and let them run wild and then get mad at them for behaving like undisciplined children, when you didn't do your job.

I think you need to stop fooling around trying to be friends with your kids and be a parent. Set limits, explain consequences, expect good effort, reward with praise, and learn that discipline(and I don't mean hitting them) doesn't come AFTER, it comes before.

Answer 7

Running down the corridor of a hospital? Why would they be there? They aren't comforting a sick relative or friend. They are out of their comfort zone, so they are reacting to the situation. It would be beneficial to the children and to the dying patients if you would let them visit a neighbor or babysitter while you visit the hospital, theater, etc.

After having 4 and 7 yr old "boys" myself, I really, really, really know what I am talking about here. We thought our boys were beautiful and precious. But, other adults did not...be kind to others and to the kids, leave them with a sitter.

Rewards? Never bribe with food of any kind. If you want to give them a treat, that is fine! But not in order to keep peace.

Answer 8

I think punishment is the better system to use if you dont go noverboard with it.

However, why not use both? I dont mean for everything, but if they do something really really good they deserve a reward dont they? Like going from Bs and Cs to straight As....what would you do?

When I have kids I hope I have enough balls to punish them when they need it but I know at times Im gonna spoil them rotten.

Answer 9

I personally don't think that kids should be rewarded for cleaning their plates, they need to learn to listen to their bodies and eat only till they are not hungry anymore. I have one that is a member of the "clean plate club" and another that listens to her body. The first one is having weight issues, despite what we tell her.
As far as rewards for good behavior, we have a chore chart and a point system set in place for them to save up and earn rewards, for both good behavior in school as well as doing their chores, it has helped deter them from wanting money every time they are asked to do something. I would be happy to share it with you if interested.

Answer 10

um...as much as possible dont bribe coz that will lead to more bribings and less money and food 4 u..:) u should give them treats if they like aced a test made new friends and if they didnt throw tantrums for 3 days straight hehe i hope this is helpful but all of these parts are true im a mom of 4 kids :))