Shall I'll let her go, or shall I just leave her alone, she wants to stay with me in the house with the children, but just wants no responsibility anymore, I've never been abusesive, opersite in fact, but I'm not perfect. she drinks, she needs me, or does she drink because of me????
2006-09-11 09:56:17 · 50 answers · asked by saxons_uk 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
That's a good question and you sound like a very level headed, even tempered kind of guy. I think what you have here is a very interesting situation, if I understand you correctly. You seem to be saying that she wants to be roommates with you, in way. She doesn't want to shirk her family responsibilities, she just wants to be able to look elsewhere for romantic fulfillment.
How do you feel about this? Are you angry, hurt, or okay with this?
It seems like you have an interesting opportunity here. If you agree to these terms and stay friends in the same house, then she has an opportunity to see how great you really are and you have a chance to brush up on your romance skills. Who knows, in a year you two could be more involve with each other than ever.
No matter what you do decide, I would highly recommend that you decide your own ideal in the matter and visualize, intention and manifest this outcome. If you can clearly see in your mind 1) yourself happy, 2) your kids happy, 3) either you and your wife together or with new people you love and 4) you all together and comfortable with each other, you will be sending the right message to the powers that be, so they can help you reach that goal (even if it is only you who sees it clearly, for we often get what we expect it seems).
I wish you peace and success in your life!
2006-09-11 10:07:03 · answer #1 · answered by carole 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
By all means, let her go !! I sure hope the children don't have to suffer anymore, because something is very wrong in that household. She doesn't want to be responsible, but yet she wants her drinks and a roof over her head.
there must be something else, why would you ask if she drinks because of you ?
Personally, I think both of you need some counseling, separately !I think she has made her choice, you need someone to help you get a more positive feeling about yourself and help to decide what is best for your children. Good luck and God Bless !!!
2006-09-11 10:23:00 · answer #2 · answered by "Hooks" 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
She could just be going through a hard time. You should spend some time talking to her and ask if she will go to marriage counseling and try to work things out. If you really love her then give it a chance or you will always regret it. But if she is sure and won't try to fix things then you must decide about the kids. Do you want to stay in the same house for the kid's sake? This rarely works out as the kids get affected by the bad marriage.
If your wife has access to any of your money I would make sure you secure it IMMEDIATELY. She may be planning to hit you with divorce papers and make you leave the house. If her name is on any of your accounts then move the money into one in your name only if it is your money. Same goes for all your finances. Many women spend all the husbands money when they are divorcing them. Don't let love blind you from being robbed by your future ex-wife. Because they will do it.
Hopefully things can work out and she is just going through a bad period. Maybe she is depressed and is taking it out on you. YOu have to find these things out and try to fix them if you want to stay with her. If not then cut ties and don't waste the rest of your life being miserable. Good Luck.
2006-09-11 10:05:44 · answer #3 · answered by Trevor B 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Give her the news. She's your wife. She can be your wife and live there. If she does not want to be your wife then get the hell out and don't let the door hit you on the a$$. Man up and set some limits. She is welcome to her freedom but it comes with a price. Get the F out. Its a hard line but it sounds like you've been the doormat for a while.
By perfect husband does that mean you buy her alcohol, give her a roof, feed her children, let her do whatever the hell she wants and do not get angry much less abusive.
Time to use that backbone that you were born with.
2006-09-11 10:18:10 · answer #4 · answered by Flagger 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
The simple fact is that she is not in love with you and theres nothing that you can do about it. Your going to get hurt, though, when she starts seeing other people which is going to make the living together thing virtually impossible. Meanwhile, what are your kids going to think? What is rumors about you two get out? How will that make your kids feel? I don't think that your the one at fault here. It sounds like she has some issues that she can't work out. You need to go talk to an attorney. Even if you don't plan to file for divorce right now. You could get some good advice and options.
2006-09-11 10:00:48 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
The kinds of answers that will be generated from this site are not what you are looking for. I believe one or both of you need counseling.
This isn't something that will go away. If she is living in the house with you and the children in a sem-divorce situation, do you think that will be good to your children? How is that an example to your children of the kind of loving, cooperative family that you want to be an example of? Your children will become you and your wife, for better or worse.
You can't control your wife but you can't allow an unacceptable situation to get worse.
FP
2006-09-11 10:14:04 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
You're walking a fine line. If you tell her to go find her freedom and she goes (with the children), then you are out a ton of cash in child support.
Sometimes it's cheaper to keep'er. Make sure she's paying her fair share around the house and doing her fair share of the housework. Other than that...you're roommates with children.
You'll pay less for that than you will with Child Support.
As she stays, seek counselling or try to win her heart back. Don't give up.
2006-09-11 09:59:38 · answer #7 · answered by tjjone 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
NO WAY she can't have her cake and eat it too. She wants outta the marriage and mom deal but not outta the house? tell her if she wants out then she has to go completely out!!! you can not put you life on hold for her. By allowing this woman to remain in the home you would be doing just that!! Then waht will the children think when she brings her boyfirend home for dinner?? I mean this lady has some nerves! She is thinking only of herself and is prolly having a mid-life crisis. But you should not allow her to drag you and the children down into her heaping mess. once she has her freedom she will cut lose and be with all ifferent types (and number) of men. Do you want your daughter to see that(if you have one)? what will family and friends think when she does things like this? they will pity you? do you want pity from people all because your wife wants to sleep around. give her her freedom and her oneway ticket out the door!!!!
2006-09-11 11:10:08 · answer #8 · answered by tweedy778 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Your wife needs SERIOUS counseling. You should go with her and find out what's going on. There is something not kosher in Denmark here. When she married you she loved you, and promised to stay married to you for life. Something in her has changed. Alcohol could be it or it could be something else. One thing is for sure, do NOT give up on her (or yourself). If you thought things were OK, perhaps she has just gotten overwhelmed with the responsibility of running a house and motherhood. Perhaps a part time housekeeper would help. Perhaps your families could help with the kids part-time. Only a 3rd party impartial counselor can probably find out whats wrong.
Go and save your marriage. Call TODAY!
2006-09-11 10:00:21 · answer #9 · answered by snddupree 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
This is one of the saddest things that possibly could happen. If she stays with you and the children and does her own thing-could you live with that? I would never be able to. It's too much to deal with me if i ever knew that my husband no longer loved me but to stay at the same home and do his own thing-I wouldn't be able to let him. Your wife is being selfish and in all respect to you-and from what you are telling me AND only hearing from one side-I would fight custody for the kids and kick her out. The kids do not need a mom that goes out doing her own thing-and basically ignores the kids. Even if she doesn't she made a vow in front of God to spend her entire life with you and now the vow has broken. For the most part I feel bad for you and your kids for the situation you are in. I wish you the best of luck and hope that it goes for the better for you in the end.
2006-09-11 10:02:09 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋