Fiance is an immigrant. He takes me to visit family members, or they come to visit us at our house etc.They all speak English (some broken some very well) and several other languages. Yet they speak only other languages with I'm there and I feel lonely and left out of the conversations. Once during family baby shower I was sitting there while they shared what must have been a very good joke. They all laughed hysterically. One of the older uncles entered the house and looked at them and at me and in English demanded SILENCE! He then stated that they were being rude and ignorant to speak only their language with me present and feeling left out. They all looked around sheepishly and my fiancé apologized. He left about 10 minutes later and they resumed speaking the other language. How you perceive this man and his family? Ignorant? Inconsiderate? Or are they just speaking the language they are most familiar with and it's no disrespect to me? What do you think?
2006-09-10 06:32:15 · 13 answers · asked by Book Diva 2 in Politics & Government ➔ Immigration
To the people saying that it's my responsibility to learn the language of people who immigrate here I have news for you I HAVE TRIED. I have all kinds books, software programs, tapes and CDs. I just find it very difficult! They speak Arabic and Fulani and these are more obscure and difficult languages. One day after studying for hours I said...why am I doing this? I didn't come to their country. They have come to mine and here the primary language is still ENGLISH.
2006-09-10 07:06:38 · update #1
Any etiquette professional will tell you that it is bad manners and quite rude, if they all can speak English. It is very telling that after the Uncle left that they all started to speak their native language again. But while he was there and under his chastisement was speaking English. If I were you I would tell your fiance that he or someone needs to translate for you, that you are feeling left out. Hopefully he will do this for you, or at least start speaking up and telling his family to speak English when you're around.
Like I said tho it is considered bad manners and rude.
2006-09-10 06:54:50 · answer #1 · answered by Hold em Rox 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
As someone who has dealt with this (my husband is 1st generation American, but his family lives here in the states as well), I can say that the initial response of "this is rude!" is true, but that doesn't mean he's intentionally trying to direspect you. Alot of it is HABIT.
I talked to my THEN boyfriend about how uncomfortable it made me, and about how much I wanted to learn about his culture. When we were around his family, I'd engage them in a lot of questions--from day to day stuff, all the way to their past, and their cultural perspectives. They understood I really wanted to know, and that their culture was important to me since I was dating their son.
That all started about 5 years before we got married. Now, we've been married for almost a year, and his family is GREAT! They still speak their language, BUT, one of the four is ALWAYS translating, and all four are trying to teach me phrases here, and words there. They know I want to teach their grandchildren someday too, and that's a BIG deal to them. :)
So, FIRST tell your fiance you're uncomfortable--he SHOULD be the first to translate to you if no one else will. THEN, talk to his family members and get to know them--they'll WANT you to understand what they're saying, and LAST, give it some time. A wedding ring sometimes kicks that need to translate into high gear because you have the chance to teach any future generations their language and culture.
Good Luck!
2006-09-10 06:44:22 · answer #2 · answered by Wander Woman 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
1. Mandarin 2. English 3. Arabic 4. Hindu 5. Spanish 6. Portuguese 7. Bengali 8. Russian 9. Japanese 10. Punjabi
2016-03-27 05:30:52 · answer #3 · answered by ? 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sometimes a person can forget that other people are around, especially when they are really engaged in a conversation. I think that you should not only let him know how you feel about him and his family speaking another language around but his family too. Hopefully, they will understand your feelings. But, I also think that it is very inconsiderate in him and his family knowing that your'e sitting there and cain't engage in the conversation.
2006-09-10 06:40:23 · answer #4 · answered by Dee 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Its disrespectful but in family gathering cases such as this it might be just a force of habit.When your around family sometimes you tend to forget that not everyone understands you.Why not speak to your fiancee and ask him if he can tell his parents and the rest of the family members to talk in english when you are around,because otherwise you feel left out.
2006-09-10 06:39:34 · answer #5 · answered by Nexus K 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
If you expect them to make the effort to communicate primarily in English, would you reciprocate and try to learn their language?
Don't get me wrong, I think it's disrespectful to speak a language that the others don't understand, if everyone around can speak English. But before you condemn any of their actions, try learning their language, and see from their point of view how difficult it is to converse in what is foreign to them, while at the same time it's tempting to converse in their native language.
2006-09-10 06:38:25 · answer #6 · answered by Dewhitewolf 3 · 0⤊ 2⤋
It sounds like you are the one being rude. You have this whole extended family that you are soon to enter into yet have not taken the initiative to learn their language...you are the minority at their party...they are free to speak their language.. if you want to understand what they are saying then LEARN THEIR LANGUAGE. I hate people that act like someone speaking their native tongue is rude...just because they are too lazy to learn it! My husband is from Mexico and we are both bilingual.. It was not easy, but we both took the initiative to learn for the sake of ourselves and our in-laws. It would be rude for me to go to Mexico and demand they talk in my language don't you think? Stop being paranoid and expecting the world to bend to your whims.
2006-09-10 06:42:27 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
It is improper and inconsiderate to speak in a language that all present, at any family gathering, do not understand.
2006-09-10 06:35:34 · answer #8 · answered by bob 3 · 3⤊ 0⤋
It's okay, as long as he is not completely ignoring you during the conversations. Is he letting you in on the "jist" of what's being talked about? Once in a while he could say, hey why don't we all practise our English since my fiance is here!
2006-09-10 06:36:37 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous 4 · 1⤊ 2⤋
Well, it's on you, if they're going to go on speaking in tongues you don't understand, you're either going to have to learn what they're saying, or politely endure...or just don't go to visit them.
2006-09-10 07:27:32 · answer #10 · answered by gokart121 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋