My brother is currently in Iraq he is a U.S Marine and I...?

Question

caught his wife cheating on him. She asked me not tell him untill he got back because right now his under alot of preasure and she does not want him to get more stressed out. What should I do?When ever he gets a chance to call he always asks me how is his wife doing and I dont have the courage to tell him. Please help me

Answer 1

You know, it is NOT GOOD that you are holding this secret from him, and to string him along ... well, you know your brother best.

For me, I did have brothers in Combat Tours (and one was called up before Iraq too -- and his now ex cheated while he was on Duty -- and I did help him deal with the problem -- and he initiated divorce like he SHOULD have done).

She is ABUSING The servicemember by cheating. SHE betrayed his trust in the relationship -- and SHE needs to take responsibility for her actions.

For me, I do advise you to avoid the discussion with your brother -- but realize this -- YOU need to give her a deadline to TELL your brother what SHE has done -- and it needs to be no more than 30 days. To let this fester is to FACILITATE further adultery on her part, and I do NOT believe you would want to hurt your brother in this manner.

It is NOT the end of the world -- and there are others out there on combat tours or call-ups whose spouses take advantage of the distance and do all sorts of HORRID, BETRAYING, DISGUSTING things -- and I definitely think it is better for the servicemember to know and not to hide things this serious from them.

ONLY YOU can set the terms for her to tell. Then when your brother calls at the end of the 30 days, ask if SHE has called him and confessed her Problem Behavior -- if NOT, then STOP HELPING the Cheater!!!!! Be kind, but also tell your brother that because you care about him, there is something he needs to ask her about -- and give dates and times. Then in another week, if he has not called, tell what happened.

Answer 2

You don't give details, so has it occurred to anyone here that the wife may have given in to weakness in her husband's absence and made a huge, horrible mistake that she regrets (or will)?
It is not your job to be the morality police. Yes, her actions were wrong. Yes, she and your brother may reach a point where a confrontation is inevitable. But now is not the time and you are not the one to force the issue.
I know you don't want to feel like you're being dishonest, but you need to distance yourself from your discovery and think about your brother's best interest. I've known more than one young man who lost a woman while they were away in the service, and most often things work better if they don't know until they come back. Leave it alone.
And when he asks about her, put on your own feelings aside and think only of his. He deserves that.

Answer 3

You are in between a rock and a hard place. I will pray for you. Here's what I would do.

Go to the lady of your brother, and tell her that if she does it again you are telling her husband. Keep a close eye on her. If she seems truly repentent for her actions then let it go at least until he is not under a lot of stress. If she does it again, I would still wait until he got home. Once he gets home then you will tell him and let them figure it out between them. This puts you in a safe position either way.

Do not tell him while he is there. He probably deals with enough each day. I know you love your brother and probably feel sorry for him, but I would make sure he doesn't do anything rash as a result. I WILL PRAY FOR YOU AND HIM!!! That is all I can offer. If you feel this advice does not fit your situation, then don't follow it. You are in a hard place, and you know best what to do probably.

Answer 4

God bless you, I am a former Marine , Vietnam era.

She's right , you can't tell him now. I can only tell you when you're in a combat Zone, you're in another world and there is no sanity. Home, we call the world. I've seen guys get dear Johns that weren't even married and break down. You've got to talk to her again and find out what her plans are. THIS IS IMPORTANT, She shouldn't call it over because you caught her. It being over should have nothing to do with you.

You are in a tough situation. but you must know what her next move is. Don't tell him no matter what.

Answer 5

tinkerbell, you have been put in a very, very tough situation. I'm sure you understand that your brother is indeed under a lot of stress and news of this sort could be devastating to him. If you don't tell him until he gets back will he see that as a betrayal? If you do tell, how much more pressure and stress can he stand?

You know your brother better than any of us here. I'm afraid, tinkerbell, that this is a decision (as tough as it may be) you will have to make on your own.

An unfaithful wife has put both you (and when he learns of it) and your brother in a very terrible situation. My heart, thoughts and prayers go out to all of you.

Answer 6

Please don't mention anything until he gets back. She is right he is under alot of pressure over there and it is most important that he comes back alive. If you look at it this way, he will be miserable over there once he finds out and the living conditions and quality of life already suck for him, so don't make it worse. Plus there is nothing he can do with the information until he gets home, so just wait it out and when he asks about her just be vague and change the subject if its possible. I know the situation you are in sucks especially since it is your brother, but the goal is for him to come back alive, remember that. I'll keep him in my prayers!

Answer 7

This is a hard one but here goes. Stay out of it. Let your brother handle his affairs. Just when you think that if you tell it was best, something happens to make you look like the bad guy.
But if you are really determined that your brother know, wait until he comes back and have her, in front of you, tell him. Then you step aside and let them work it out. Whatever the outcome is then, you have done what you thought was right and at the same time, allowed her to own up to her unfaithful acts. Good Luck!

Answer 8

Her telling you that he's under pressure and doesn't need to be more stressed out is her half a@@ way of trying to get you to cover her adultery from your brother. Don't listen to her she's trying to send you on a guilt trip,don't let her. As to tell him or not all I can say is I know it won't be an easy choice to make but go with your heart and gut feelings.She needs to be stopped and she doesn't deserve your brother.

Answer 9

well he has the right to know these things but u have to make a choice to tell him sooner or later i recommend getting proof and he will be hurt and confused he may even get mad at u but try not to get to upset about that he'll have a hard time but hr is supporting her and her bf do what u think is best but it could back fire if u do not tell him because he will be resentful and upset because u should have told him the truth is he'll be upset either way would u want somone to tell u so u will know what's going on good luck with that and i am glad ur brother is helping to keep my family and i safe much love

Answer 10

For the love of god, DO NOT TELL HIM..........you should be more worried about her telling him. Actually, tell her if he does find out while he's over there, he'll won't care about her cheating, because he'll be too busy attending her funeral, because your going to rip her head off....do not tell him anything stressful while he's there, if you love your brother. Don't you think he has enough to worry about? My son is a marine, and married, and I would never say anything to upset him. But if anyone from the states does upset him, they'll have me to worry about. ALL YOU PEOPLE WHO ARE SAYING TELL HIM,...SHUT THE **** UP.......and if you don't like it, e-mail me, I don't give a ****.