HELP!!! I have this friend.....?

Question

I have a really good friend "C" and we've been friends for like 6 years, but sometimes during school she will be a real jackass. We both do cross country, so we go running and there are 2 other people our age who come a lot, an they freaking worship her, its disgusting! So usually when they come i'll just go run with someone else, but if i do try to go with them, they are real jerks and think its funny. they have all these things that they won't tell me about, and it would be ok with me if they didn't flaunt it that they know and i don't. I can't just stop being friends with her, because i know she likes being friends because i always help her and am there for her when she has family issues(with her parents getting a divorce, its a lot). I know that i have to get her back but i don't know how to make her realize that what she's doing is not funny, and can be hurtful. She tries to take life as a joke cause she's so stressed with her family. What should i do?

I don't reallly need advice on what to do, i need to know how to do it. i'm not usually one to ask for help, i like to do things for myself, so for me to ask it has gotten really bad.
She thinks that she is so cool, but she is letting everything get to her head. People treat her well because she can be nice, but she doesn't realize that she usually isn't that good of a friend to them. I know that we are friends because we hung out together all summer, and she would tell me all her problems, and i would help her with them. I just want to help her to see the things that she's doing from someone elses unbiased viewpoint.She really isnt a b****, she just acts like it at school. I know that she is really nice, but she has been letting everything go to her head, so she thinks she's so hot and can treat everyone like sh*t. I've tried talking to her a little, but she doesn't listen. she doesn't care if i hang out with her a lot at school or not, I just need some advice on how to help h

Answer 1

i know u care about her...but that's the thing. u can never force someone to "realize" or act a certain way, or think a certain way =T...even if it is Good for them. therefore, u can only control how You act, and react, to a situation. is she being a good friend to u? not really...and yeah, ur sorry..but she's not!! so why do u keep thinking about her? taking care of her, if she doesnt' really deserve it? it's awesome u were there in the past for her, and u care about her in the future, regarding the family stuff. but for whatever reasons, she is letting that attention get to her head, and starts treat people like crap. which is not being a good friend. all u can do , is work on Yourself. make sure U know how great of a friend u are. don't judge her, but dont' beg her to think the way u do..it won't work. i suggest just working on your own life for now; study harder, play harder, maintain and grow ur relationships w/ Positive people, people who make u feel better about urself. u can try to make others feel better about themselves, but they're not always gonna listen. so let her know u are there for her if she needs a friend, but just go off and do what's best for you. so when ur running, and they're acting like that, just go "i'll see u at the end, i'm gonna try to see if i can make a better time". and if they make fun of u, oh well. at least u won't be there to hear it.

**i had a situation in h.s....i was in cross country, and my best friend at the time would get MAD at me for wanting to run harder, practice more, be better. so i ended up listening to her cuz i didn't want to "lose her friendship."....and guess waht... i was almost always last place at meets. and that's not cool when i KNEW that i enjoyed running, and wanted to try harder. that's my fault for letting her ruin my potential =T. she wasn't caring about me, she wasn't caring that i might want to try harder. she was selfish making me walk w/ her, just because SHE didn't want to care about cross country. and now, we are not very good friends anymore; she became really "pretty" and all of a sudden she had a boyfriend and pretended she didn't know me! how is that being a good friend..even tho we'd been bff's since elementary school!!! therefore, i needed to start working on myself. on my life. on what i wanted to do. who knows, i could've been on the team, gone to CIF finals. but instead i was fat and lazy and just sad cuz i let it go, for nothing.

moral is, u need to be there for ur friends, but take care of urself too. it's not selfish for me to want to run harder...!!! She was the selfish one. u sound like a really nice person, who REALLY cares. that is Awesome. be proud of it, but don't let it skew reality. make sure you continue to be an awesome person, and don't let people get u down, dont' hang around negative people. they are NOT worth it! :)

Answer 2

Going off of what you posted, it sounds like you are a friend to her but not vice versa. A couple of times you said you listen to HER problems, and help HER out, and you're there for HER. Nothing about her being a friend to you in a similar way.

It's been years but I went through a similar thing with two close friends of mine and all I could do was give them space and let them figure out on their own. Nothing I said could make them acknowledge that they were so self-absorbed.

It's not fair for her to outwardly exclude you like that when other people come up. It sounds like she might like having you there because she likes people being there for her but not giving stuff back in return.

I'd just be straight up and say that you like hanging out with her but that lately it seems like she's been excluding you and being mean. Let the conversation go from there.

But I would say that you should take a step back and discern if this has been a friendship -- which should be give and take -- or if she's just been using you as a person to dump on when she can't find someone "cooler" to listen to her. If that's the way it is, move on.

Answer 3

What maybe you should do, if u want to is. Don't run with her when your at cross country, run with some other people, and maybe you'll make some more friends by running with other people. Just let ur other friend be. Don't mension anything about how you feel, just wait for her to say something, and have a conversation with you. That doesn't mean you can't day Hi and Bye, just be nice to your friend, and act like nothing is bothering you, don't worry about her, just run with some other friends or people that maybe you might want to talk to, but just don't wait for her to come around, but when she does then talk and say how you feel. When she sees you start to run with other people and you don't really even talk to her, she might get the HINT, and come say something to you..


hope everything works out with you && your friend!!

Answer 4

Pull her aside. No one else is around but you too. If the dorky friends show up at all during the conversation - you leave.

You tell your friend how it is.

You let her know you won't take her crap and that you don't like the rude dorks.

You stand by what you say. Tough love. Back bone.

Let your friend know she is more than welcome to be around you with out them.

Carry it out.

Answer 5

Flat out tell her she is treating you two differnet ways - you like one and not the other, ask her which one SHE means to be. If it is the good person say "Great I was hoping you would say that because I enjoy our friendship, if you enjoy our friendship I suggest you do some thinking about how you treat me."

Answer 6

ok