my seven year old daughter is always screaming and crying and wingin, moaning?

Question

she just turned 7 last week...she still wets the bed too...help dont knw what to do...i have tryd talking to her, i have a 12 and a 4 year old boys ..and she tries to behave like the 4 year old..even my 4 year old doesnt cry as much as she does..he listens to me when i say no to something, where as she neva even listens to me..i am so fed up with her knw..that i am worried how she will turn out wen she gets older..she reminds me of nikki from big brother so much..and that girl is 22 behaving like that...she basicly moans about everything and is always miserable...but at the same time i have to say that she is a very caring and gentle girl...but the majority of the time its the crying and moaning and winging about everything you could think of..I have tried to ignore her too, but its so hard cos she just doesnt stop and deos my head in,, and i cant help but to yell at her,, and i feel so bad afterwards..cos its like all i do these days is yell at her..HELP

im glad to hear that i am not alone in this situation...after reading most of your comments..

Answer 1

I would suggest that first of all you take some time out with her on one to one doing something fun and at the appropriate moment trying to discuss things at a level of her understanding and see what her responses are. She may just well open up to you and you will be able to get to the bottom of the issue.

If that fails then I would recommend that you do discuss it with you local GP. She may have attention deficit disorder and need professional help or something else such as diet related etc. that he could help with.

Do you think it is down to jealousy of her younger sibling.

Do show her lots of love - that am sure you do. Try giving her some special things of her own to do that she can accomplish and then give her lots of praise. This can be something to help you, something that should would just love to do on her own, something for her brothers that you and her can work on together in secret as a surprise for them. Children do love being involved in secrets.

Try to think of different things for her to do that will be a challenge according obviously to her age and ability. Remember that she is just a child and needs guidance, encouragement and an example from you.

Whatever you do don't give up on her no matter how difficult things may be at this time. There is help available for you and for her and all too soon she will be grown up and the difficulties you are experiencing now will hopefully be a distant memory.

Remember Mum's always need to be there for their children - no matter how young or old. It's one of the most rewarding responsibilites that we have in this life, so do please hang on in there and Good Luck.

Answer 2

Your daughter may be screaming for attention...literaly.

many children will act out just to recieve attention, even if it is negative attention. being 7 with a older and younger sibling will often cause the "Jan Brady effect" constantly thinking that both the older sibling gets more freedom and the younger gets more attention. You cannot explain to a 7 year old that someone that is 14 gets more freedom because they are more mature and that the younger gets more attention because they require it.

what i have seen many child psychologists suggest is to try to bridge both gaps.

reward good behavior with positive attention. punish bad behavior with short and to the point punishments..a short time out in a corner followed by a simple "you know that you are not allowed to act like that." should do much to remedy the problem.
However 20 minutes of yelling is still 20 minutes of your undevided attention to the child.

another thing that has shown a positive reaction is to tell a child that they are not allowed to behave that way because it is the rules. if asked who made them reply i dont know it is just the rules.

the reason being that "THE RULES" has a feeling of being all powerful to a child. if you tell the child that you made them then you can change them also. you want them to believe that "the rules" are followed everywhere.

this will help with the attention problem. now the freedom of the older? try responsibility. give the & year old some small responsibility to attend to on a weekly basis. if she complets the task every week reward her by letting her stay up a half hour late to watch a cartoon or play a game with you. but do not comprimise if she does not complete the task no cartoon or game because it is "THE RULES"

hope this helps...

Yogi

Answer 3

Bed-wetting has many causes. You need to consult your pediatrician to make sure she has no physical ailments causing that. Some kids wet the bed until they enter puberty. Some speculate that some kids sleep so deeply that they do not feel the urge enough to wake up to go to the toilet. Definitely stop giving her any liquids at least one hour before bedtime.

The whining and crying issue is one that you have to train yourself to handle at the same time that you attempt to correct her behavior. Remain calm but firm when you address her about the whining or crying. I have a niece that gets her way at home because she whines about everything. When she is with me, she does not whine because she knows I do not accept that behavior. When she tries I say, “We do not whine here,” or “Whining does not work for me.” I get a dirty look, but the whining stops.

Time-outs work great for behavior correction too. Pick an out of the way spot where she cannot see TV or interact with others in the house. Have her go there for quiet time, telling her that when she changes her behavior to let you know and you will allow her out of the time out area. Be firm when you do this and be prepared to hear a lot of crying the first few times. IGNORE it at all costs. If you have to turn the stereo up to 20, do so. Once she determines that her acting out is not going to work, she will stop.

Something else to do is to recognize when she behaves well. You should do that will all of your children. If she tends to show out when you tell her no about buying something in a store, but she does not do it one time, thank her for being mature. That does not mean buy her the item, as that would send a conflicting message. Sometimes thanking a kid for good behavior goes further than chastising for bad behavior. Sometimes I recognize the good behavior directly and sometimes I do so indirectly. With my niece I indirectly recognize the good behavior by bragging about it when I speak to her mother later. I may sound corny, but it works.

By the way, spanking or swatting a crying child seems a bit oxymoronic. I am not against the occasional swat. When the swat is due to crying why do you expect the child to stop crying?

Good luck!

Will D
Enterprise AL
http://www.notagz.com

Answer 4

Stop yelling. It teaches her that yelling is ok. Don't make excuses for it, just stop yelling.

Allot time to spend with her. If you have to actually work it into a schedule, do it. For example, show her 7:00 on the clock and tell her "That's our time, just for us. It ends at [show her 8] 8:00" Make sure you choose the time wisely, interruptions from the other kids will not be appreciated during "Our Time". I have a fourteen year old son who still drops whatever he's doing at 8:00 every night to spend an hour with me...although he doesn't realize why he does it ;-)

Remember that just because she is angry doesn't mean she is wrong. She may have a valid complaint - it might be something you can actually do something about. If you can, do something about it. I don't mean spoiling - it isn't about giving her candy right before dinner - it's about taking the beets off the plate.

Choose your battles. When you're home with children all day, their little fusses can become overblown issues, not just to them, but to you. If you find yourself mentally digressing and resorting to infantile behaviour, stop and ask yourself: Is this worth getting this worked up about? Show her by example how to get control of her emotions and look realistically at situations.

Let her make mistakes. Not "run out in traffic" mistakes, but "refusing to wear a sweater" mistakes. If she's going to make a fuss about wearing a sweater in cold weather, let her go without it. When she says she's cold, resist the urge to say "You should have put on the sweater when I told you to". Let her reach that conclusion on her own. Some lessons, they have to learn the hard way.

And above all, treat her the way you expect to be treated yourself!

Answer 5

For whatever reason, your child feels that her needs are not being me and this is her attempt at trying to get your attention. I suggest tha you get a babysitter and take your daughter out for a few hours to spend time with just the 2 of you and explain to her how much you love her but there are 2 other kids in the house.
Talk to her about why does she feel the need to whine and why does she wet the bed.
Explain to her when and how she can express frustration to you and then set up some ground rules, such as if she needs to whine she can do that all she wants up in her room but that it will not be allowed any where else in the house. Set up time that we be only for you and her to sit and chat. I would suggest you do this for your other children as well. The upfront investment will take some time but well worth the fact that if this goes unchecked you will have a belligerent and unruly teenager.
I have been there and done that.
Good Luck

Answer 6

I KNOW!!!! my 8 yr old is exactly the same! I took her to the docs coz i was so worried but the Dr wasnt concerned.
My daughter is also the middle child and when asking my mums advice she put it down to exactly that, not having the freedom of the elder nor the attention of the younger.

I cant suggest anything to help except try and have a little special time with her each day and i hope that these girls grow out of it really soon !
Good Luck xx

Answer 7

did you watch driving mum and dad mad? that was a very good programme with lots of good ideas.
praise good behaviour,
ignore some of the mild misbehaving.
try time out, have them sit on the bottom step of the stairs or on a chair, it is supposed to be 1 minute per year. if they move put them back and start the time again.
do not shout at them, talk quietly, if you shout they think that they can shout as well.
don't smack, violence begets violence, if they see you doing it then it must be ok for them to do it.

i have had problems with our 3yr old. screaming and stamping her feet, slamming doors etc. It is hard not to shout and yes they can do your head in, but i have tried the above things and i have found that they work. i ignore some of the screaming, if it gets too bad then i will tell her that anymore and she will sit on the chair, this normally shuts her up, if it does then i tell her she is a good girl for doing as she is told, if not then i put her on the chair and tell her that she can move when she is quiet, this usually takes a couple of mins.
children respond very well to praise. our girl loves being told she is a good girl or a clever girl.
it is not all plain sailing but the sea is not as stormy as it was.

Answer 8

Could her behavior mean you're not giving her enough attention? Sometimes kids act out for any kind of attention, good or bad. Did this start recently, with school? Does she spend time alone with someone who could be abusing her somehow? Bad behavior can be a lot deeper than the surface. You may think she's just being bratty, but before you dicipline her be sure you know why she's doing what she is.

Answer 9

If you have tried everything w/ no results and are worried about her future self then maybe it's time to consult a professional. She may have some problem that she is unable to communicate for her own reasons (if she even understands them herself) and it may give both of you relief. If cost is an issue, I have been told that assistance programs exist for these particular things. I unfortunately don't what they are, but if you went to a church leader ( pastor or minister) and asked, I think they could point you in a direction. Good Luck!

Answer 10

hmm this is very interesting to me because I am currently reading a book about this kind of issue. On the backcover it states, "Helps you stop the crybaby syndrome, nightmares, bedwettings, and more". I would recommend you buying a copy at Target; it is called "Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child" by Marc Weissbluth, M.D.

I would say from reading this book, it may sound like your daughter is cranky because of lack of sleep or inadaquite sleep, ect.

It doesn't hurt to give it a try! Best of luck to you and your family