OK, so I am married to this guy who has a really bad temper. I have been with him for a long long time. When things get really bad he pushes me around, pins me up against the wall, hurts me and stuff, although he has never actually beaten me up. Afterwards he always tries to convince me that he has done nothing wrong.
Things have been better for the last month to six weeks and he hasn't laid a finger on me (at all! not violently but then nor does he want to have sex with me or touch me in any way!). I still can't forget what he has done in the past, I can't relax around him and I just don't feel safe.
There is this guy, a friend of his. I have known him for about 3 years and have always had a huuuuge crush on him (he is a God!!!). He is single. He is everything I want in a man, sweet, sensitive, just lovely. We get on well and whenever I bump into him we chat for about 20 minutes. He is single and has told me he wants a girlfriend.
What should I do? Please help!
2006-08-01
05:42:36
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14 answers
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asked by
Anonymous
in
Family & Relationships
➔ Marriage & Divorce
Divorce the abusive husband asap. After you have gotten the divorce started, be by yourself for a while. Don't rush into a new relationship, especially with a friend of your husband. Let the guy you have the crush on make the first move. If he's a friend of your husband, he'll hear that you two aren't together. If he's intrested, he will call, or ask you out when you run into him again.
2006-08-01 06:00:13
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answer #1
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answered by Anonymous
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This is not a tough question, but perhaps you cannot see the forest for the trees. One one hand you have something familiar but neither fulfilling or safe. On the other hand you have the potential of a sweet man.
Hmmmmmm...... do I stay with the guy WHO WILL EVENTUALLY HURT ME PHYSICALLY and who only touches me now when he wants sex unless of course he is going to pin me to the wall and then say it is my fault....
OR
Do I save myself by leaving this thing that is familiar and take a deep, cleansing breath and reach out for something new ? Do I look at what I have and see that it is a bad situation or do I look at myself and enact a sea change within myself, extricate myself from the marriage, and start behaving in a way that is different from the past so that I am treated better?
It's not a tough call.
2006-08-01 05:50:46
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answer #2
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answered by two 4
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abuse in the form you mention would get his *** in jail.
You need to understand what precipitated you picking an abuser to begin. If you don't feel safe leave now. Go to your parents, find an apartment go to a shelter but get the hell out of the situation where you don't feel safe.
And for God's sake don't jump from one relationship into another. get counseling first Don't shack up with the new guy to get away from the old one. If you've know this new guy all of about 20 minutes it's likely he can lay on the charm but it every much the sociopath as your current f&ck interest.
Simple get yourself better determine what you don't what and do want out of a relationship. Just cause he "wants" a girlfriend doesn't mean your the one he wants.
2006-08-01 06:44:11
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answer #3
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answered by Anonymous
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You shouldn't stay in a relationship that is like that. It is abuse and you don't have to take it. You can use that as your reason for wanting a divorce and the court will grant you almost everything!! You will be a lot happier without the abusive husband.
As for the other man, be careful how you work things with him. Your husband is friends with him and you don't want to step on any toes. Just tread litely. Do it secretly without your husband knowing so that there are no extra problems.
Good luck!
2006-08-01 06:03:20
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answer #4
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answered by Anonymous
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First off I think you should leave your husband. That is a relationship that you do not want to be in. Secondly I don't think you should make a move on his friend. Didn't you just say that your husband has a bad temper? What do you think would happen if he found out that you left him for his friend? Do you think he's gonna be happy? Do backflips or cartwheels? He's gonna be PISSED! With his bad temper he may get back at his friend or worse you. I would definitely walk away from both of them and find someone else. Best of luck!
2006-08-01 05:52:43
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answer #5
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answered by sweetcaraline_27 2
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B 4 you make a move on this guys friend you need to ask yourself why are yu putting up with this cat??? Maybe you need to focus on yourself to see what is keeping you from being happy?? If these guys are any type of friends he will definitely tell his boy about you coming at him like that. Break off from old dude before you are left out in the cold..
2006-08-01 05:54:30
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answer #6
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answered by PLAYA 4REAL 2
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First off - do not have an affair. If you are unhappy get a divorce. Then after the divorce and you have got yourself back together then consider dating again. Remember things always look greener on the other side of the fence.
2006-08-01 05:50:55
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answer #7
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answered by middle aged and love it 3
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Well, how good of a friend is this guy to your husband? BTW, if you have no love for him and he abuses you, leave him. No one deserves to be in a relationship that is violent. If you feel like this new guy is interested in you, let him know, but you should wait until you have atleast started divorce proceedings before pursuing a new relationship. Good luck.
2006-08-01 05:50:02
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answer #8
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answered by brandiwhine 4
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Get rid of your abusive husband and move on with this guy. This other guys sounds like he would treat you better.
2006-08-01 05:47:09
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answer #9
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answered by fhockey1 2
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Divorce your a$$hole of a hubby & take off with this guy wherever psycho won't know anything about you.
2006-08-01 05:49:38
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answer #10
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answered by Mary 4
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