My wife has lied to me for four years about her son, witch I was in the process of adopting. She told me that she ultered the paturinty test to get her ex out of her life. I recently found out that she cheating on her ex and got pregant. Her ex knew the whole time and forced her to stay with him. I have suspected that this was not the truth, so I have asked 4 or 5 times in the last year or so if I knew the truth. Each time I ask she tells me I know the whole truth about her son. I have never lied to her about anything and have never judged her. Should I stay with her? Will I be able to trusrt her agian? Please Help!!!
2006-07-21 08:47:11 · 15 answers · asked by Chuck B 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
You have to ask yourself this. Can I trust her ever knowing what I know? They say once a cheater always a cheater, my thought on that not true. I've cheated before, but the man I'm with now completes me I would never do that to him. You have to take one day at a time and if it still is on your mind and bothers you say in about six months sit down with her and tell her how you feel then do what you feel inside. Not all relationships are meant to be, but some are think about everything you know before you make a decision. Good Luck
2006-07-21 08:55:27 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
As the ex IS the ex, obviously she was unhappy with him and may have cheated on him out of confused desperation. It is possible that she didn't tell you the truth because she IS happy with you and was afraid of your reaction. There is a little boy in the middle of this, and a woman who made a mistake. I vote that you have a conversation with her and explain that you wish she had felt able to tell you and that it is necessary to you that she is always open with you in the future. Ask yourself if there is something in your past that you simply haven't disclosed? If she had asked you outright, might you have have been afraid or embarrassed to admit the whole truth? It's very, very difficult to get over being lied to but as she was not unfaithful to you, I think you should try to understand. Remember, 'The past is another Country'.
2006-07-21 17:27:03 · answer #2 · answered by Kitty 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Look, she may have been lying to you out of shame. First, find out WHY she didn't tell you the truth. Then let her know it's going to take some time to get the trust back. Finally, if you decide to trust her... then you need to TRUST her. Forget about the past, forget what she MIGHT do... trust her completely. It's risky, she may betray that trust, but if you want to continue on with the relationship you need to trust her completely. There can be no realtionship without this.
On the other hand, if you decide you can't trust her..... get out. Get out now, do not pass "GO" do not collect $200.00. A clean break is always the best.
Good luck, I hope this helps.
2006-07-21 16:06:07 · answer #3 · answered by dark_knight92116 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I mean it's bad to lie but we i lie have lied or are going to lie. In short no one is perfect not even you, so i wouldn't throw away my marriage because of that . you should talk to her find out why she felt the need to lie and let her know that she doesn't have to lie to you about anything and that you want truth and honesty to be the base of your relationship.Maybe you have been a little more judgmental then you think,or maybe she just didn't want to disappoint you by the mistake she made in the past.Anyway in short finding some understanding in the situation may put your feelings of being betrayed to rest.
P.S. she is a bad lier anyway
2006-07-21 16:12:18 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
WHO THE HECK CARES ,, GROW UP AND BE A MAN , WHAT SHE DID BEFORE U IS NONE OF UR BUISNESS, as long as u are still getting some from her, what the heck is the difference, trust is an illusion, because u will never ever really know what people are thinking or doin, it is only what u see or catch them at, ,,, trust is just an illusion that people feel to make them selves feel better,
2006-07-21 16:21:18 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Let her go. Once the trust is broken in a relationship, it will never be the same again. It takes a very special person that could live with that kind of integrity to believe in someone again and not second guess them all them time. I am 46 years old and have seen it and been through it. Trust me.....let her go.....life is too short....
2006-07-21 15:57:19 · answer #6 · answered by Paul H 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Yes, you should still stay with her. This situation she was in sounds like it was very unhealthy and something she'd rather erase from her past. We can't change our pasts, though it sounds like she was trying to by giving you the information, or lack of information she chose. Obviously you loved her enough to marry her and you love her son enough to be his daddy. This is very important to consider here. Keep the lines of communication open. This marriage with you is a whole new chapter in her life and deserves a real opportunity to make it work.
Best of Luck!
2006-07-21 16:00:35 · answer #7 · answered by ididntdoitthedogdid 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
She has lie to you for last 4 years. wow about this kid?? and You need to get out of here and move on and find someone that never lie to you. you never lie to woman and so you should get out and find someone that really love you and never lie to you.
I know that if you stay and try to built the trust again and it will happen again. Also once lie is to many! that way far enough for 4 years for lying to you... so make the choice ....
2006-07-21 16:07:01 · answer #8 · answered by greenbaypackers1920 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You can't leave her over this! I know she lied to you but she is still your wife...she made mistakes in the past...just leave it in the past...
I am not for her lying because I had to live w/ an ex that was a constant lier!...but anyways...
Just pray to GOD and ask for wisdom and discernment in your marriage...
I hope you get the answers that you need!
2006-07-21 16:24:23 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Does this little boy think of you as dad? I would stay and adopt him. That way if she tries to pull anything like that again you can leave her and sue for custody and prevent her from messing with the kid's head.
2006-07-21 15:56:26 · answer #10 · answered by Aumatra 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋