My two boys have turned into teenagers and I am at the end of my tether - HELP.?

Question

How does it happen that one day they are loving, talkative playful boys and then next they are moody, non-talking eating, sulking machines. I try to sympathise with what they are going through hormone wise, but sometimes I am at the end of my rope. Ages 14 and 15. Advice please as I am running out of hair dyes!

We eat family meals together every day. That is a norm. Talk about everything they want (when they want). They play rugby, basketball, football and have good social lives. That is what gets me the most. They are not spoilt in any way, but have good lives. It is the 'shutting me out' that is getting to me the most. I see though, that they are quite normal it is just that they possibly don't need me any more as much as they did. They don't drink, smoke, roam the streets and are not bullied. They are popular at school and locally. Reading this it makes me wonder why I am so worried!

Answer 1

They are "hormonally" men psychologically still boys. My son was the same way (He is 24 now and a normal human being). Patience, stay calm, I didn't say much (hard for ME) I just tried to listen and take clues from him. If he asked WHY? I tried to give a simple, non judgmental, non accusing answer. I just tried to stay non confrontational. (sometimes I think that's what he wanted, someone to argue with) If he did something stupid I waited until he mentioned he was having a problem and then I asked him if he could do it all over again what would he have done different. I think just letting them bring it up for discussion lets them feel they have some sort of control. Little men are all about control. They are learning to control their own lives and they are going to screw up alot! And I personally think that's why they are so cranky, they don't want us a parents to know they took all the advice we gave them and threw it out the window when they did whatever it was that they did, and now they have to fix it themselves because they don't want us to know we were right all along. Hang tough and love them anyway.

Answer 2

Being a teenager is tough work. With so many interests pulling at them and so many temptations, their minds just cannot handle everything. Hormones are a terrible thing when they're raging through a teen's body. It doesn't matter if it is a young woman or a young man.

I think the biggest thing a parent can do is set boundaries and clearly explain the consequences for crossing the line. The balancing act for you is to recognize and not punish when they push the envelope a little. For instance, you give them a curfew of 10 P.M., but they get home at 10:02 P.M., is that worth the hassles of punishment? If they get home at 10:10 P.M., that is a little different, but perhaps reminding them that a phone call would be nice. 10:30 P.M. and no phone call definitely warrants some penalty.

I know that is over-simplified, but the point applies across the board. Oh, and if all else fails, you can send them to my private boot camp. They can mow the lawn, trim the hedges, wash the cars, rake the yard, paint the inside of the house, clear out an overgrown area on the property, wash windows, vacuum the house, do the dishes, do the laundry, and I can keep it coming faster than they can tell me that they are bored! :)

By the way, my youngest brother spent a lot of time with me during his teen years. He had a difficult time with respecting parental controls. I'm such an AH that he would not think about saying or doing some of the stuff he tried living at home. He turned out OK. : ) He now has kids that are entering their teen years and he's already called me to tell me they're coming to visit if they don't straighten up soon! LOL

Good luck!!

Will D
Enterprise, AL

Answer 3

If your boys don't cause trouble outside the house then most of your problems are solved.
In the house though, it can be difficult but get them separately and try and talk to them. They may have their own problems - maybe not. They could be copying other teenagers. Try getting a Harry Enfield video on Kevin and Perry. Put it on just to show them how over the top they are being. Don't make a fuss, just put it on and watch their reactions. If they laugh tell them they are like that. If there's no reaction or they're fed up and walk off, sorry, you'd better listen to someone else. Just don't lose your rag with them. It's a hard time to go through. Sorry. Hope I might help slightly.

Answer 4

You and your teenagers are now in transition, you are, perhaps, going to need to stand back a little and look at how they have progressed! No parent expects a door slamming, non-communicative child, and definately not two. So, ignore what you can! At a good moment, talk through how you would all like things to be, ask the boys to make the rules, you can be sure that they will be harsher than you would make them. Act the goat! Say silly things and take every opportunity to say that you love them. Find the good bits and mention them, 'Its good when you talk to me like that, thanks', don't ask questions if you can help it, but say things like, 'how was your day', listen for the positive and help it grow, allow them privacy, try not to be tempted into their space, but they need to know that washing does not jump into the washing machine by itself, so they need to put it in an agreed place! Mealtimes can be dodgy, they want to do it all their way, try to have one meal a week where you eat together, otherwise, make sure there are healthy foods around. I have an idea that they won't starve. Maximise their interests, be interested, tell them to turn down music only when it is loud outside the guidelines you have made together! Step back, find some time for yourself, and celebrate, you have two, amazing individuals for whom the world awaits. They will find it, and you will share in their joy. I wish you well

Answer 5

I am a 15-year-old girl, and when I step back and reflect upon my own behavior sometimes, I can empathize with your frustration with your sons' behavior. Please know that sometimes we teenagers simply wake up grumpy, and no matter how hard we try we just cannot shake the feeling that it is a bad day. In those cases, the best thing is to have patience and leave your sons alone.

However, this does not make sulky behavior excusable all the time. It is perfectly acceptable to establish expectations with regard to behavior: your sons shouldn't be allowed to verbally insult you or other family members, and they should be required to show respect to family members. They should also feel welcome to explain to you on some days that they are simply having a bad day, and you should respect that. Also, encourage them to get out and do things with their friends, as that nearly aways improves my mood. Finally, keep loving them (I know this will pass), but don't make it publicly obvious to the point of embarrassment for your sons.

Take some time for yourself to relax, too! =)

Answer 6

It depends really about their school/social life. What kind of friends do thay have? What kind of "social group" do they belong to? It might be that they are having girl problems, maybe they're being picked on at school. Since it is summer vacation, are they in summer school? Maybe they just don't get out enough. If you don't eat together as a family at dinner, invite them to come, tell you about their day or any problems facing them. But if they want to be left alone in their rooms, let them be. They have to get hungry and come out of their rooms some time. It's a phase everyone goes through. Don't let their moodswings get under your nails. If they don't want to be bothered, then don't bother them, but don't go lax if they want to change some rules. They'll think you're cool if you let them do their own thing. When they need help, they'll come to you, but in the meantime, try to find out why they've changed their mood toward everything.

Answer 7

I see a lot of good advise posted above my answer, and I won't repeat it. I just want to add something I don't see listed above. Try "Love and Logic". I learned about it from my mom. I'm the oldest of six, and I have two little ones now, and she started telling me about it a couple of years ago. Love and Logic is about when to use tough love, when to use mercy, how to determine logical punishments that work, how to be consistent in your discipline. There are seminars, there are books, there are kits, and it's all about learning how to be a good parent. You'll find out what you're doing right, what you're doing wrong, and how to change what you need to.

Nothing changes over night, of course. But look at Love and Logic. If you agree with their presepts, try it. You won't be so frustrated, you won't be pulling your hair out, you will be firm, and your kids will be happy.

Answer 8

When my son was 15 he stopped talking to me, he would only grunt yes and no, he regularly told me he hated me and refused to walk in the street with me, this went on for 2 years. He improved a little each year.
He is now 20 and the most loving gorgeous boy/man you could ever meet. He cuddles me all the time tells me he loves me and phones me just to talk!!! I have another son who is nearly 15 so am waiting for the same thing to happen but am prepared this time. Please don't be upset it is an age/hormone thingy.

Answer 9

Its an evolutionary version to make certain our progeny is mated with the appropriate a threat suitor, and youths are not as extreme whilst making a variety. The fathers motive is to place off impregnation till the baby is developed mentally adequate to make an stated determination and advantageous choose a extra effective genetic contributor.

Answer 10

Well, it seems that it's time for some tough love. It's time for you to stand up to them, and be the boss. If you punish them or something, then stick to it. Start taking away video games, and allowances until they start straightening up. Don't be frightened if the stand up to you......stand your ground, and if you have to spank...then do it. This is normal teenage rebellion.....and it'll get worse before it gets better. So you're going to have to make some rules and make sure they live by them, or else. Just remember, if you can't control them now, how will you control them later? Best of luck to you........