I think my ex is manipulating my 9 year old daughter.?

Question

I have been trying to be patient and understanding. My 9 nyr old was a daddy's girl. now since the divorce she doesn't want to see me. She didn't call me for fathers day. I think the enviroment that she is is has manipulated her feelings for me. and damaged our relationship. I am considering filing contempt of court against ,y ex wife.

should I or should I let it ride?

Answer 1

Hopefully your ex isn't being a total B*&%$.

My kids did the same thing to their dad when we divorced. I literally had to pry them off my neck to make them go with him. I sat them down and talked to them and things got a little better.

It is hard for kids to understand mom and dad not living together anymore and the child prefers to stay at the home that is their main residence.

Make sure that when you do have your child you spend plenty of quality time with them. Taking her for a day at the park and playing is free and makes for some good quality time together. Also a nine year old child usually does not place a lot of attention on fathers day like they do mothers day because they are not in school at the time to make that sweet little card or gift.

Try talking to your ex and voicing your concerns to her. If you can work together for the good of the child that would be a great thing.

Answer 2

Shes at a very impresionable time right now, and unfortunatley she may be seeing what mom is going through and feeling a little hate. Your ex may be letting her feelings for you (sounds like bad ones from here) out in the open and your daughter sees how its effecting her. So naturally she turns her moms sadness into hate (with no realy understanding as to why). You know for a fact that this isn't the way she truely feels. She's 9. There can never be so much damage between a father and a daughter that is unfixable. Give them both some time. She misses you. You know this. She just has someone constantly in her moldable little ear telling her other wise. Shes at the age of asking questions, and soon she will begin to question why you and your ex no longer get along. She will draw her own conclusions. I did. More court proceedings will just affect her negitively. Give her a call, or swing by her school one day (if this is allowed). Send her a teddy bear from FTD. Little things like this she will see as a reach out to her, and let her know that you still love her. She was and still is, and forever will be, daddys little girl.

Answer 3

Can you prove that your ex is manipulating her. Without proof your contempt of court filing will probably be a waste of time and money. Sometimes kids figure things out on their own--I'm not sure exactly what happened in your situation but my parents divorced when I was younger and I discovered my dad had cheated on my mom. I felt that he had wrecked our family and I didn't talk to him for almost a year. And I was also a daddy's girl. Maybe she just needs some time to heal from the hurt of divorce. If it is a divorce you initiated she might be feeling some resentment towards you simply because she thinks you gave up on your family. Its hard to say without knowing the specifics of your situation. Give her a little time and then try again. And keep trying. If you try to take action against your ex to force your daughter to reconcile with you she will probably get more angry and the whole thing could backfire on you. It probably hurts alot that your daughter doesn't want to see you but you need to give her time to heal too. Remember that her feelings are what's most important. You are an adult and much more capable of coping with your pain than she is.

Answer 4

You can't file contempt of court on something you only think is happening - without proof. The only thing you can file on is if your ex-wife refuses to let you see the child if you have a court document giving you certain visitation days. You need to keep track for several months of all the days she refuses before you can file.

On the "daddy's girl" thing - as kids get older, they do change - she is 9 - and is proably more concerned with her friends - than EITHER of her parents.

I suggest during the time you have visitation you start taking her to see a psychologist.

Answer 5

I think filing charges could make the situation worse. If your ex-wife is telling your daughter negative things about you, attacking her in court may look to your daughter like your wife was right. I think you should talk to your ex-wife and voice your concerns. If she doesn't want to talk to your or becomes hostile, then I would talk to legal counsel. I wouldn't file charges right away, I would just let my ex-wife know that it's an option I'm not afraid to take. Perhaps your ex-wife in unaware that there is a strain between your daughter and yourself. That's why I advocate communication before action. Although you two are not husband and wife anymore -- you two are forever her parents and need to be civil and communicate with each other.

Answer 6

You need to demand to spend time with your child. It is easy for your ex to turn your child against you by saying you do want to be with her and you have found another to give your attention to. When I was separated my ex tried to turn the children against me because i found life without her. They were old enough to know how much I cared about them and eventually I got tired of the BS and took control of the kids. She knew better than to try and argue with me about the children. Her sneaky ways came to light in that she was hording the money I gave her instead of spending it on the children.

The end came when my kids asked why they no longer had steaks and goodies in the freezer like they used to. I was shocked when I saw how little she was spending of the money i gave her for food. I was picking up all the other bills so it was a case of her just holding out on t hem.

Women can be very cunning when it comes to working you. Get busy and find out what is going on instead of asking questions on the net.

Answer 7

dont do that. thats the thing about divorcee' parents is that all they think about is themselves and why the kid likes the other parent better or whatever.

Think about your child for once. Think about why she could be mad at you. maybe she believes the divorce was your fault. You know, I would be mad too if my parents couldnt get along and had to uproot me and make me go every other weekend with them and never have real home life. YEAH... ID BE PISSED. And dont automatically blame it on your ex. yes you two didnt get along but that doesnt mean she is doing things on purpose to hurt your relationship with your kid. believe it or not, kids have brains and will believe what they want to believe from what they see at home. if, for instance, she heard you tell your ex when you two were together, that you wanted a divorce, maybe now she thinks its your fault.

I think you should have a talk with her and ask her whats bothering her. get everything out in the open. maybe even start going to counseling with her. and talk to your ex about it NICELY. This is in the best intrest of the kid, so tell her you dont want to fight, you want to repair a hurt relationship between your daughter and you.

Answer 8

If you are thinking of going to court, you MUST document everything. Keep a journal, write down when you try to call (keep the phone records too), copies of letters written, log of visitations. don't skip any visitations, or be late. Follow the rules exactly, and be prepared to back up anything you say. Don't be late or skip your support payments. You don't want to give a reason for the ex to bad-mouth you. And NEVER bad-mouth her to your child, no matter how mad you are at her. Good luck to you.

Answer 9

I am really sorry to hear your situation. It does sound like she is being fed some negative info about you if there was such a dramatic change in your relationship! Have a talk with her let her know you love her and that she had nothing to do with the divorce. Good Luck!

Answer 10

I only WISH my ex cared that much about our son! All the power to you. I am sure she is manipulating her. Why else would a 9 year old little girl not want to spend time with her Dad??