Does anyone know any good jokes?

Question

?

I mean good,clean jokes?

Ya know it would be great if ya told me it.

Lol..........

I've heard that mohawk joke and the blonde one before. And i must say..... I love 'em both.

Answer 1

So there was an american, a black guy and a mexican that found a genie who granted them each a wish. The black guy asked that he and all of his brothers in America be taken back to their homeland of Africa, so the genie did it. The mexican asked that all of his people in America be brought back to their homes in Mexico, so the genie did that as well. Then the american said: "So you mean to tell me that all of the blacks and mexicans are gone?" and the genie replied "Yeah"; so the american said "Well then i'll have a coke."

===================================

A young man goes into a pharmacy and says to the
pharmacist, "Hello, could you give me condom.
I'm going
to my girlfriend's place for dinner and I think
I may be in
with a chance!"

The pharmacist gives him the condom and the
young man leaves. He soon returns and says, "Give me
another condom because my girlfriend's sister is very
cute too. She always crosses her legs in a
provocative manner when she sees me and I think I might
strike it lucky there too."

The pharmacist gives him a second condom and as
the boy is leaving he turns back and says,"Go on,
give me one more condom because my girlfriend's mum is
still pretty cute and when she sees me she always
makes eyes, and since she invited me for dinner, think
she is expecting me to make a move!

During dinner, the young man is sitting with his
girlfriend on his left, the sister on his right
and the mum facing him.

When the dad gets there, the boy lowers his head
and starts praying, "Dear Lord, bless this dinner
and thank you for all you give us."

A minute later the boy is still praying; "Thank
you Lord for your kindness."

Ten minutes go by and the boy is still praying,
keeping his head down.

The others look at each other surprised and his
girlfriend is even more surprised than the
others.
She gets close to the boy and says in his ear,
"I didn't know you were so religious."

The boy replies, "I didn't know your dad was a
pharmacist!"

===================================


what do you call a mexican babtism??????????




"bean"dip

===================================

There were two nuns...
One of them was known as Sister Mathematical (SM), and the other one was known as Sister Logical (SL).

It is getting dark and they are still far away from the convent.

SM: Have you noticed that a man has been following us for the past thirty-eight
and a half minutes? I wonder what he wants.

SL: It's logical. He wants to rape us.

SM: Oh, no! At this rate he will reach us in 15 minutes at the most? What can we do?

SL: The only logical thing to do of course is to walk faster.

SM: It's not working.

SL: Of course it's not working. The man did the only logical thing. He started to walk faster, too.

SM: So, what shall we do? At this rate he will reach us in one minute.


SL: The only logical thing we can do is split. You go that way and I'll go this way. He cannot follow us both.

So the man decided to follow Sister Logical.

Sister Mathematical arrives at the convent and is worried about what has happened to Sister Logical.

Then Sister Logical arrives.

SM: Sister Logical! Thank God you are here!
Tell me what happened!

SL: The only logical thing happened. The man couldn't follow us both,so he followed me

SM: Yes, yes! But what happened then?

SL: The only logical thing happened. I started to run as fast as I could and he started to run as fast as he could.

SM: And?

SL: The only logical thing happened. He reached me.

SM: Oh, dear! What did you do?

SL: The only logical thing to do. I lifted my dress up.

SM: Oh, Sister! What did the man do?

SL: The only logical thing to do. He pulled down his pants.

SM: Oh, no! What happened then?

SL: Isn't it logical, Sister?

A nun with her dress up can run faster
than man with his pants down.

===================================

A frog leaps out of the magical forest where he has lived all his life and into a real forest. Since he lived in the magical forest he has magical powers. He sees a bear chasing a rabbit and thinks to himself, this isn't right, everyone should live in peace. So he stops the bear and rabbit and tells them that if they stop chasing each other he'll give them both three wishes.
The bear thinks for a second and wishes that all the rest of the bears in the forest were female. Poof, all of them are female. Next the rabbit wishes for a crash helmet. The bear looks at the rabbit wondering why he would want a crash helmet.

The bear thinks for a second making sure he makes a good second wish and wishes that all the rest of the bears in the country were female. Again -- poof -- all the rest became female. Then the rabbit wishes for a motorcycle. Now the bear steps back and looks at the rabbit in amazment. How dumb is this rabbit he thinks to himself. All he had to do was wish for money and he could buy all the motorcycles he ever wanted. This has to be the dumbest creature the bear has ever seen, he thinks to himself.

It is time for the bear's final wish and he takes a second to think and makes sure he doesn't waste it. After a minute he wishes that all the other bears in the whole world were female. And again poof they are all female.

Next the rabbit puts on his helmet and jumps on the bike. He turns around and smiles. Then he says, ''I wish that that bear is gay.''

===================================

The Day I Died

It got crowded in heaven, so, for one day it was decided only to
accept people who had really had a bad day on the day they died. St.
Peter was standing at the pearly gates and said to the first
man, "Tell me about the day you died."

The man said, "Oh, it was awful. I was sure my wife was having an
affair, so I came home early to catch her with him. I searched all
over the apartment but couldn't find him anywhere. So I went out
onto the balcony, we live on the 25th floor, and found this man
hanging over the edge by his fingertips. I went inside, got a
hammer, and started hitting his hands. He fell, but landed in some
bushes. So, I got the refrigerator and pushed it over the balcony
and it crushed him. The strain of the act gave me a heart attack,
and I died."

St. Peter couldn't deny that this was a pretty bad day, and since it
was a crime of passion, he let the man in.

He then asked the next man in line about the day he died. "Well,
sir, it was awful," said the second man. "I was doing aerobics on
the balcony of my 26th floor apartment when I twisted my ankle and
slipped over the edge. I managed to grab the balcony of the
apartment below, but some maniac came out and started pounding on my
fingers with a hammer. Luckily I landed in some bushes. But, then
the guy dropped a refrigerator on me!"

St. Peter chuckled, let him into heaven and decided he could really
start to enjoy this job.

"Tell me about the day you died?", he said to the third man in line.

"OK, picture this, I'm naked, hiding inside a refrigerator...."

===================================

A proffesor was teaching students about 2 important concepts on being a doctor. First, you need to NOT be freaked out about the natural human body. So he stuck his finger into the dead body he just have unwrapped and sucked on it. "Now you try." he told the wide-eyed students. They stood back awhile and finally took turns sticking a finger into the rotting butt and sucking on it. "Now," said the professor, "the second thing is observation. How many of you guys saw me stick my middle finger in and sucking the index finger?"

===================================

Two people was drinking beer in a bar when suddenly one of the drinker turned to the other and said, "Did you know that if I jump off this tower (they bar was on top of a building,) I will be swept back into this building again by the winds?" "Are you nuts?" yelled the other drinker, "You'll fall and die!" "Look, I'll prove it," said the other guy as he stood up. He went to the egde of the window and jumped off. Sure enough, he was swept by the wind and blew him back into the bar."Oh my gosh-" he said, "I still don't believe it-that was just luck.." "Here, I'll prove it again..." So the man walked into the edge of the window and jumped off. Once again, he was swept back into the bar by the powerful wind. "I guess I'll try..." he finally said. So the guy shakily walked up to the edge of the window and jumped off. He went falling...falling...falling until he hit the sidewalk with a SPLAT! Soon, the bartendar came out of the restroom and asked, "Hey, man-where'd the other guy go? He needs to pay his drinks!" when the bartendar knew that he wasn't getting his answer, he found out what the other drinker had done. "You did it again, eh? Well, you could be a real jerk if you're drunk, Superman."

Answer 2

How about this joke: A blonde is walking down the sidewalk near a busy street when she sees a brunette just standing there saying, "88, 88, 88..." The blonde walks up to the brunette and asks her what she is doing. The brunette says "Oh, I'm just counting. Do you want to too?" The blonde says yes, and the blonde and the brunette both stand on the sidewalk saying, "88, 88, 88..." Finally the brunette says, "You know, counting is even more fun if you go out in the middle of the street." So the blonde goes out in the middle of the street and starts counting, "88, 88, 88..." SPLAT! The blonde gets hit by a car. And back on the sidewalk the brunette smiles and says, "89, 89, 89..."

Answer 3

An old pastor was dying. He sent a message for an IRS agent and his
lawyer to come to the hospital. When they arrived, they were ushered up
to his room. As they entered the room, the pastor held out his hands
and motioned for them to sit on each side of the bed. The pastor
grasped their hands, sighed contentedly, smiled, and stared at the
ceiling. For a time, no one said anything.

Both the IRS agent and lawyer were touched and flattered that the old
pastor would ask them to be with him during his final moments. They
were also puzzled because the pastor had never given any indication
that he particularly liked either one of them.

Finally, the lawyer asked, "Pastor, why did you ask the two of us to
come here?"

The old pastor mustered up some strength, then said
weakly, "Jesus died between two thieves, and that's how I want to go, too."

Answer 4

Different Ways To Say ''You're Stupid''


A few clowns short of a circus.
A few fries short of a Happy Meal.
An experiment in Artificial Stupidity.
A few beers short of a six-pack.
Dumber than a box of hair.
A few peas short of a casserole.
Doesn't have all her cornflakes in one box.
The wheel's spinning, but the hamster's dead.
One Fruit Loop shy of a full bowl.
One taco short of a combination plate.
A few feathers short of a whole duck.
All foam, no beer.
The cheese slid off her cracker.
Body by Fisher, brains by Mattel.
Couldn't pour water out of a boot with instructions on the heel.
He fell out of the stupid tree and hit every branch on the way down.
An intellect rivaled only by garden tools.
As smart as bait.
Chimney's clogged.
Doesn't have all his dogs on one leash.
Doesn't know much but leads the league in nostril hair.
Elevator doesn't go all the way to the top floor.
Forgot to pay her brain bill.
Her sewing machine's out of thread.
His antenna doesn't pick up all the channels.
His belt doesn't go through all the loops.
If she had another brain, it would be lonely.
Missing a few buttons on his remote control.
No grain in the silo.
Proof that evolution CAN go in reverse.
Receiver is off the hook.
Several nuts short of a full pouch.
Skylight leaks a little.
Slinky's kinked.
Surfing in Nebraska.
Too much yardage between the goal posts.
Not the sharpest knife in the drawer.
The lights are on, but nobody's home.
24 cents short of a quarter.

Answer 5

(Read this until the end you`ll see why) Their was a deaf woman on a bus and she needed to ask the guy that was sitting beside her something so, she rubbed up her arm and he rubbed down his. Then she grabbed her chest and he grabbed his balls. Finally, she grabs her butt and jumps off the bus. After she left the bus the guy sitting next to the guy who grabbed his balls asked him what was that all about and ha said well, when she rubbed up her arm she was asking if we were headed uptown so i rubbed down my arm and said no we are headed downtown. Then when she grabbed her chest she asked if we were going to the milkmarket and i grabbed my balls to tell her that we were headed to the ballpark. Then she grabbed her butt and leaped off the bus and that ment oh crap i am on the wrong bus!

Answer 6

old man sits down to have lunch at the mall and noticed a young man sitting across from him with a mohawk of every color.

The young man kept on noticing the old man starring finally getting pissed asked the old man WHAT you ain't ever did anything crazy in your life.

The old man replies yeah got drunk one night ****** a peacock and was wondering if you were my son.

Answer 7

haha nicely sturdy i've got been given a intercourse humorous tale for you desire you like it :) on listening to that her grandad had basically died kate went and visited her nan to convenience her while she asked how he died her nan replyed by making use of sayin that he had had a heart attack at the same time as makin love 2 her kate mentioned that it replace into stupid that 2 previous people the place havin intercourse because it replace into askin for hassle her nan replyed by making use of sayin that they used to do it to the slow %. of the church bells because it replace into basically the excellent velocity she then wiped a tear from her eye and carryed on by making use of sayin''if that dahmed ice cream van hadnt come alongside he could nonetheless be alive in the present day'' :) xxx

Answer 8

Why would you want to hear a clean joke?

Answer 9

Yep. In this link:
http://answers.yahoo.com/question/index;_ylt=AjbsE5GwBU5nATdYOMF4N8_sy6IX?qid=1006053025780


--- LeeeN

Answer 10

Yep!

Answer 11

tons of them email me