Please - I am not seeking joke answers. I just want something constructive.?

Question

I am 59, a widow for 17 months. My husband and I were very very close. He died of liver cancer after a year and 10 days of knowing it was happening. We have one son 120 miles from here and the door mat is always out for me. I have no friends to talk to or family. No one! My husband and I were 'our' friends, he was a retired school techer. I am an introvert and love our home and our privacy. I have a bird and a fish so I can not take off for more than two days as there is not one to care for them. I have a dog and she goes everywhere with me. Everywhere, as in to the store (which I hate to go to for I feel so bad in being along) and to our sons house. I do not know which way to turn. I am a college educated person, very creative, very interested in the world. I have never worked. I am trapped and do not know what to do. A Taoist, so no church. Hate organized groups. Small community so no places of interest to go. But so lost. "Is this all there is left to life?"

Answer 1

Here are some suggestions of things you could do to keep busy but not have to go too far from home:
*Foster care for pets who are waiting for adoption.
*Take college courses online (to keep your mind sharp)
*Start a discussion group (on Yahoo groups or other) for people who are in a similar situation as you.
*Learn a new skill or hobby (dog training?)
*Humanitarian efforts such as making clothing, blankets, etc for people in other countries.

Think about what you really like to do, what your interests are, OR what you would like to learn to do. There are a lot of options...don't become a recluse, you will not have a happy life and I don't think that's what your husband would have wanted you to do.

Good luck! :)

Answer 2

The short answer is no, that is not all there is to life.
Unfortunately, short answers fall, well short, in a situation like this.
It seems that ytou are dealing with a double edged sword. On one hand dealing with the loss of someone who was, at least from your desctription, exactly what everyone else is looking for, a confidant and a friend. I truly am sorry for your loss.
The first step is to realize that you should not compare any new relationships with the past. They will surely fail miserably. I suggest getting involved with some internet groups. There are some that perhaps have local contacts that will help you build a circle of friends that will allow you to integrate into the community without causing serious discomfort.
I am not familiar with everything involved in being a Taoist, but perhaps there are Taoist communities online that could assist you.
At the least I would investigate any and all options for broadening your horizons. Perhaps a move , though I dont know if this is realistic for you or not.
I myself lost 2 daughters in an accident, and while this is not the same as your situation it does give me some insight into how difficult it is to simply "move on", we do not get over things, we must consider ourselves lucky to get through, and to continue to grow. Regardless of your beliefs, my prayers are with you.
Again Keep making attempts to communicate, at least through the internet. Build yourself a community of friends here. It may seem removed, it may even, at times seem that you are not speakign with "real" people. But we must all start, or re-start, somewhere.

Answer 3

First off, I'm sorry for your lose. You mentioned you were college educated-maybe you should try working. Just something part-time to start off. Also, volunteer. Get in touch with a library, nursing home, or the coordinator for an event coming up in your town. So many places could benefit from a person like you. Go on-line and see if there are any events that raise money for liver cancer research, or any kind of cancer research. Put together a branch in your town if there isn't one. Good luck!!!!!

Answer 4

First of all, sorry to hear that your husband passed away.
Would you be interested in starting a business or something as you say you are very creative? It does not matter that you have never worked before- think about what you'd love to do, write it down and see what can be done to make it happen.

Another thing I'd like to suggest is going to a local yoga studio (there is one everywhere nowaways..) and try few yoga classes. You do not need to be extra bendy flexible person to do it, give it a go. Babies can go to yoga, as well as for us a bit older people.

I'm glad you found yahoo answers, internet is also a very handy tool in meeting new people- because if I am honest, that is what you need to do. Go out there and speak to someone every day, even if it is just Good morning.

Answer 5

Of course what you are saying isn't all there is to life, you say you are interested in the world, does this mean you love to travel? Fish can be left alone for up to 2 weeks, there are fish food products you can buy that release food once a day....airlines and boat travel allow for you to take your bird... In all communities there are people that house sit, they will come to your home and feed your gardens, pets, plants, dust, pick up mail, ect.. why Not book yourself a small holiday, maybe start of with just a 3 day weekend? you dont have to talk to anyone, or socialize...

There is also the interent, if you are more comfortable at home, many many small groups to join, Lots of game sites, Yahoo is especially good for meeting people on the net... and no one ever has to know who you really are...

You say you are creative, start creating then, advertize on the web, build a web site, your very own...

Death of a spouse is so hard, think to yourself is this what your husband would want? you mopping around? or would he want you going out, doing something that you might enjoy doing? give yourself a break... make a list of things you do like to do.. you are to intune with things you dont like...And work with this list, no matter how small it is, be it garage sails, reading, gardening, if you like to go to movies, then venture to the big town and go to one, once a week... if you enjoy reading, or writing, join the reading, writers club in your community...or on then internet...

It takes a long time to get over a death of a spouse, do not feel guilty, you will never forget him...

Hope I have helped you in some way

God Bless

Answer 6

This is a pertinent question for me, my husband & I are also best friends, I don't have much of a life outside of him. I also would be lost should he die. This may be hard, but it seems to me that you are trying to justify your desire to be solitary, any suggestion anyone makes you already have a reason why it will not work.

I also live in a small community, less than 10,000 people, in rural Montana. But we have a Kundalini center, and various civic organizations and many private groups. Some may be more organized than others, but many are informal groups who meet to discuss topics of mutual interest.

As a starter, might I suggest meetup.com? You would be surprised by the amount of people even in your small area who might share interests with you. There are groups for people with birds, fish & especially dogs, possibly even for Taoism (there is a taoism group in my area, I checked, and we are pretty remote!). There are book discussion groups, political interest groups, so many interests. You can participate online, or go to meet others.

You are not trapped, but you have to choose to be open to life. You may find a group that is not so organized, or a volunteer charity that could use your help. Have you ever considered volunteering at the humane society, as you love animals? Also consider that you can hire a bonded house sitter, if you don't know anyone who can stop in once or twice a day to care for your bird & fish, to care for pets & plants while you visit your son. Please go on with your life, I didn't know him, but I think your husband would have hated the idea of you sitting alone at home, wasting away in sorrow.

Your question has done me some good, I am also a big introvert, It is much easier for me to talk to strangers through a keyboard than in reality, but you have made me see that I have to cultivate some outside interests and friends. My husband is my life, as was yours, but I see that that can have a negative side. I hope you can overcome your aversion to outsiders, and take an interest in life. It's waiting for you to come & join in.

Answer 7

What is your question? Other than that you sound like my twin and wish we lived near each other. Get rid of the fish and the bird to free yourself up for long (er ) trips. Look at cruisemates.com. Buy a bicycle. Join a yoga class. Volunteer --tutoring English, Meals on Wheels, Audubon, etc. Even small towns have need of volunteers. Audit a class---painting, music, physics, whatever. Get a kayak. You are right in that organized groups can be very difficult if composed of "good, holier-than-thou, judgemental Christians" (is this a concern of yours?). But if you follow your interests you may find at least ONE good buddy. I have not, but I keep hoping. When all else fails, meditate and answers will come. Be grateful for your dog and son.... and true to yourself... good luck.

Answer 8

You need to feel interested in something again. Is there a college nearby? Take a class! or two classes. You can take night classes with other older students. That way you may meet people in an education setting. How about working a part time job in something that interests you? My mother is the same age as you, and my father died years ago. She works, and has a good friend that lives nearby. You need to have a friend too. Take your dog to a park, it's easier to meet people with pets. Visit a larger town with your dog. You'll get exercise and meet people too. Good luck to you, I wish you the best of luck. Life does get better, it's what you make of it.

Answer 9

Life must be real tough for you since the passing of your husband. All I'd say is that the emphasis in this situation is on you to take control of your life and make a life for yourself. No-one can do it for you. You are in control of your life and you need to take the initiative to put purpose back into your life. You're only 58, so you have a lot of life to live yet.
There are many voluntary organisations that would love to have a woman with your life experience helping them and perhaps this is an avenue for you to explore.
I really hope you discover what you want from life. It will not be easy, but you are control of your life and you can make it happen.
Good luck.

Answer 10

Yes, there is, but it means that you're going to really have to make some changes in life. It sounds like you're making yourself into a prisoner. You have the option to not be that way but you're making excuses for why you are that way.
So you're introverted... why does that stop you from getting out and meeting people? I know lots of introverts that are not socially crippled. You make the animals into your best friends, but they only have a life span of about 12 years and then you're more miserable than you were before. You have to get out and decide to make a change for yourself. Nobody can do this for you.
Do you really think your husband would enjoy knowing you've done this to yourself? life is a gift, not a curse. It's meant to be lived and not mourned.
Get out and live woman!