Mostly dirty
2006-06-16 16:35:36 · 7 answers · asked by Anonymous in Entertainment & Music ➔ Jokes & Riddles
a white horse fell in some mud... But seroiusly...Theres this old immigrant couple who came here 25 years ago They got married just after arriving. As things go when you've been married for 25 years they began to take eachother for-granted. The wife not wishing to end 25 years of marriage decides they should see a marriage councilor. The Husband loving his Wife agrees to go. At the first meeting the councilor says that since it was the wife's idea to seek help that she should start by listing three things that bother her.
The Wife starts off " de first-a ting is-a he work-a all-a da time. He work-a day time, night time. He got-a no time for-a me an-a da kids cause-a he work-a all-a da time. Da second ting is-a if he's-a no work-a he's-a pickin he's-a nose. Can no take-a him anyplace, at da dinner table he's-a two knuckle deep! He make-a me sick He pick-a he's-a nose all-a da time! An da tird ting is-a" She gets real quiet" when-a we-a have-a sex... He got-a be on-a top. 25 years he's-a always on-a top. No variety it-a gets-a so boring! He make-a me crazy cause he got-a be on-a top!!"
The marriage coincilor turns to the Husband and says "These are all very valid points how would you like to address them?"
The Husband begins" When-a I come-a to dis-a country dey tell-a me tree tings. Firs-a ting dey tell-a me is 'If-a you wanna good-a life you work-a hard.' I godda big-a house an nice-a car an-a good-a family. I godda good-a life an I work-a berry hard-a for-a my good-a life. De second ting dey tell-a me is 'Stay out-a trouble. Keep-a your nose-a clean. Stay out-a trouble.' An de tird ting dey tell-a me is-a 'Don-a screw up!!'"
2006-06-16 17:13:52 · answer #1 · answered by iamhermansen 3 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Q: Why do men become smarted during sex?
A: They re plugged into a know-it-all.
Q: What did the elephant say to the naked man standing in front of him?
A: How do you breathe through something that small.
Q: What do you get when you cross a donkey and an onion?
A: A piece of @ss that will bring tears to your eyes.
Q: What's another name for a push-up bra?
A: False advertisement.
Q: What's the difference between a woman and a computer?
A: A woman won't accept three and a half inch floppies.
Q: What do you call a line of blondes?
A: Easy street.
Q: What did the bannana say to the vibrator?
A: Why are you shaking? She's gonna eat me when she's done with us.
2006-06-17 00:08:50 · answer #2 · answered by Stinger 22 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
person 1:want to hear a dirty joke
person 2:yes
person 1:i fell in the mud
person 1:want to hear a clean joke
person 2:yes
person 1:i took a bath with bubbles
person 1:wanna hear a dirty joke
person 2:yes
person 1:bubbles is my neighbor
2006-06-17 02:32:37 · answer #3 · answered by jordan o 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Comparing Lovemaking
Three women were sitting around talking about their
husbands performance as a lover.
The first woman says "My husband works as a marriage
counsellor. He always buys me flowers and candy before
we make love. I like that."
The second woman says "My husband is a motorcycle
mechanic. He likes to play rough and slap me around
sometimes. I kinda like that."
The third woman just shakes her head and says "My husband
works for Microsoft. He just sits on the edge of the bed
and tells me how great it's going to be when I get it."
-------------------------
Sterility?
Dear Dr. Dover:
I wish to apply for an operation to make me sterile.
My reasons are numerous. After being married for seven
years and having had 7 children, I have come to the
conclusion that contraceptives are useless.
After getting married I was advised to use the rhythm
method. Despite trying the Tango and the Samba, my
wife fell pregnant and I ruptured myself doing the
Cha-cha. Apart from that, where do you find a band
when you get the urge at two o'clock in the morning?
A doctor suggested the safe period. At the time, we
were living with the in-laws and we had to wait 3
weeks for the safe period, when the house was empty.
Needless to say this didn't work, and the wife got
pregnant.
A lady of several years' experience said if we made
love while breast feeding we would be all right. Well,
I finished up with clear skin, silky hair and was
very healthy, but the wife got pregnant yet again.
Another tale we heard was if the wife jumped up and
down after intercourse this would prevent pregnancy.
She slipped a disc but still got pregnant again.
I asked the chemist about the condoms and he
demonstrated them, so I bought a packet. My wife fell
pregnant again, which did not surprise me as I never
did believe how stretching one of those things over
your thumb could prevent babies.
We tried the coil next but that didn't work. It had
a left-hand screw and my wife is definitely a right-
hand screw.
The Dutch cap was next and seemed to be our answer,
but my wife got severe headaches when the only size
available was too tight across the forehead.
Eventually we tried the Pill, but it kept dropping
out, so she tried it between her knees and I couldn't
get anywhere near her.
You must appreciate my problems. If I can't have the
operation I will have to resort to oral sex, and I
can't believe that talking about it is any substitute
for the real thing.
Yours sincerely,
Bubba Brickhead
----------------------
Take Me To Your Leader
Two aliens land in the middle of the Australian outback, near
a recently abandoned gas station. The first alien goes up to
the gas pump (which he assumes is an earthling) and says, "Take
me to your leader!"
The gas pump doesn't say anything (naturally).
The alien gets annoyed and demands again, "Take me to your
leader!!"
When the gas pump still doesn't reply, the alien gets mad and
tells the pump that if he doesn't start talking, he will blast
him...
At this point the second alien nervously interrupts, "Err, Sir,
I don't think you should mess with him, he looks like one bad
dude."
But the first alien will not be deterred and he blasts away.
There is a huge explosion and after the smoke clears, the
blackened aliens discover themselves lying 100 yards away
from their destroyed space ship...
"You see, Sir", said the second alien, "I figured that any guy
who could take his dick and wrap it around his waist and then
hang it from his ear had to be one bad dude!"
2006-06-17 00:58:48 · answer #4 · answered by mischiefmaker_kc 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
A rabi, a lawyer, and a priest are in the last lifeboat of a sinking ship. The rabi says "what about the children" The lawyer says "f*ck the children" and the priest says "do you think we have time"
2006-06-16 23:47:03 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
two guys are riding horses and they see a women swiming in a pond, so they watch her for a while , then one guys starts to leave, the other asks why are you leaving, they other guy says my mom always told me that everytime i look at a naked women i will turn to stone.
2006-06-16 23:42:09 · answer #6 · answered by michele_2098 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
How do you circumcise a hillbilly?
Kick his sister in the jaw.
2006-06-16 23:49:32 · answer #7 · answered by Horndog 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋