Jokes & Riddles - March 2007

a riddle

2007-03-05 19:34:14 · 21 answers · asked by Ken W 1

NICE BELT! HAHAHAHAHAHA

2007-03-05 19:31:09 · 4 answers · asked by Anonymous

A man decides to have a face-lift for his birthday. He spends $5,000 and feels really good about the results. On his way home, he stops at a newsstand and buys a paper.

Before leaving, he says to the sales clerk, "I hope you don't mind me asking, but how old do you think I am?"

"About 35," was the reply.

"I'm actually 47," the man says, feeling really happy.

After that, he goes into McDonalds for lunch and asks the clerk the same question.

The reply is, "Oh, you look about 29".

"I am actually 47."

Later, while standing at a bus stop, he asks an old woman the same question.

She replies, "I am 85 years old, and my eyesight is going. But when I was young, there was a sure way of telling a man's age. If I put my hand down your pants and play with your balls for 10 minutes, I will be able to tell you your exact age."

As there was no one around, the man thinks, What the hell and lets her slip her hand down his pants.

Ten minutes later, the old lady says, "Okay, it's done. You are 47."

Stunned, the man says, "That was brilliant. How did you do that?"

The old lady replies, "I was behind you at McDonalds."

2007-03-05 19:27:42 · 27 answers · asked by Anonymous

If Big Brother put a camera in your tiolet bowl,
what would you do ?
Best answer gets the 10 points(even if there is only one answer).

2007-03-05 19:19:56 · 17 answers · asked by dogpye5 3

2007-03-05 19:11:31 · 5 answers · asked by Grace L 2

2007-03-05 18:40:10 · 7 answers · asked by Grace L 2

2007-03-05 18:27:14 · 28 answers · asked by Martin F 1

wat is the only manmade thing in heaven
well 10 points to who will get it right first... its not that hard

2007-03-05 18:01:08 · 18 answers · asked by Chinky 4

2007-03-05 17:52:35 · 16 answers · asked by kitkat1640 6

I need a laugh :)

2007-03-05 17:52:21 · 9 answers · asked by Gerty G 1

Jake was dying, his wife sat by his bedside, he looked up & said weakly, "I have something to confess", "theres no need to" his wife replied, "no" he insisted, "I wish to die in peace, I slept with your sister, her best friend and your mother!" "I know she replied, now just rest and let the poison work!"

2007-03-05 17:15:59 · 15 answers · asked by Anonymous

What is the funniest thing you can say about the rising price of gasoline?

2007-03-05 16:58:13 · 9 answers · asked by Anonymous

Think of a letter between A and W. Repeat it out loud as you continue to read


Keep Repeating Don't stop


Now think of an Animal that begins with that letter.


Repeat it out loud as you continue reading.


Think of either a man's/woman's name that begins with the last letter in the animal's name.


Almost there........


Now count out the letters in that name on the fingers of the hand you are not using to scroll down.


Take the hand you FIRST counted with and hold it out in front of you at face level


Look at your palm very closely and notice the lines in your hand.


Do the lines take the form of the first letter in the persons name?!






Of course not......



Now TAKE THAT HAND AND smack yourself in the head, get back to WORK ,and quit playing stupid e-mail games!

GOT YA!

2007-03-05 16:41:29 · 25 answers · asked by Anonymous

A little old lady was sitting on a park bench in Trailer Estates, a Florida mobile home park. A man walked over and sits down on the other end of the bench.

After a few moments, the woman asks, "Are you a stranger here?"

He replies, "I lived here years ago."

"So, where were you all these years?"

"In prison," he says.

"Why did they put you in prison?"

He looked at her, and very quietly said, "I killed my wife."

"Oh!" said the woman. "So you're single..."

2007-03-05 16:30:43 · 12 answers · asked by sugar_n_spice 5

2007-03-05 16:26:48 · 21 answers · asked by Anonymous

A little old man shuffled slowly into the "Orange Dipper," an ice cream parlor in Trailer Estates, and pulled himself slowly, painfully, up onto a stool.

After catching his breath he ordered a banana split.

The waitress asked kindly, "Crushed nuts?"

"No," he replied, "arthritis!"

2007-03-05 16:23:48 · 12 answers · asked by sugar_n_spice 5

Do they have 4th of July in England?

How many birthdays does the average man have?

Some months have 31 days; how many have 28?

How many outs are there in an inning?

Is it legal for a man in CA to marry his widow's sister?

Divide 30 by 1/2 and add 10. What is the answer?

If there are 3 apples and you take away 2, how many do you have?

A doctor gives you 3 pills telling you to take one every half hour. How many minutes would the pills last?

A farmer has 17 sheep and all but 9 die. How many are left?

How many animals of each sex did Moses take on the ark

How many 2 cent stamps are there in a dozen?

2007-03-05 16:20:21 · 14 answers · asked by English Channel 1

A blonde, a brunette, and a redhead show up for the same job interview. The brunette is the first one to go in, and after filling out the forms and going through the questions, the interviewer decides to ask her last question: How many D's are there in "INDIANA JONES"? The brunette thinks for a second and responds "One". The interviewer sends her back with a promise that he'll get back to her after he had interviewed the remaining candidates. The redhead is next. The process goes about the same, and at the end: "How many D's are there in INDIANA JONES"? She immediately says "One". The interviewer says, "OK, we'll let you know". Then the blonde comes into the room, goes through the questions, and finally gets asked: "How many D's are there in INDIANA JONES"
To read the rest of the joke and hear the answer, go to this link.
http://www.funsnap.com/1/indiana.htm

2007-03-05 16:13:22 · 11 answers · asked by Anonymous

An Elderly southern American couple were sitting on there front porch, an a cool fall evening. They had been married for over 50 years.

The wife asks her husband, "Honey, we've been married for so long now, so your answer doesn't matter to me; But, have you ever cheated on me before?"

The old man replies "Only 3 times, when we were fighting 40 years ago......sorry dear."

She then said, "That's all right honey....but I have a confession to make to you...."

"Anything, dear....What is it?" he said.

Rising from her chair, and asking him to follow, she walked inside the house, ending up in their bedroom.

"Inside the closet, on the floor is a trunk. In the trunk, I put an ear of corn for everytime I cheated." The old man opens the closet, then the trunk, which contained 3 Old ears of corn, and loaded to the brim with cash."Where'd the money come from?"
"Everytime I got the trunk full of corn, I sold it......"

2007-03-05 15:53:34 · 38 answers · asked by Anonymous

there was once an old lady that was feeling kinda frisky so she goes down to a bar wereing only wearing a trench coat. she goes up to the first man she sees and says with great enthusiasim thrusting open her trench coat"SUPERSEX!" and the man just looks at her and runs away indescust. then she goes to the next man and openes her trech coat saying "SUPERSEX!" and he runs away to the bath room to vomit. she goes up to the last man in the bar saying "SUPERSEX!!!!" and he just stares at her for a minute then says "i think i'll have the soup."


hahah i love that joke.

2007-03-05 15:47:36 · 13 answers · asked by Maddy Rene 3

A man took his pregnant wife to the hospital to give birth. The doctor told them that they'd developed a new machine and asked if the couple would like to try it out. The machine could take some of the pain of childbirth from the mother and give it to the father to ease the mother's burden.

Well, they thought that was a good idea, and decided to give it a try. The doctor initially set the machine on 10 percent, telling the man that even 10 percent was probably more pain than he'd ever experienced. But the husband was surprised at how little pain he was feeling, and asked the doctor to raise the level.

The doctor increased it to 20 percent, and when the man still felt fine, he raised it to 50 and finally 100 percent.

After it was all over, the man stood up, and stretched a little. Both he and his wife felt fine, and they shortly left the hospital to take the baby home.

It was then that they found the mailman dead on their doorstep.

2007-03-05 15:38:41 · 6 answers · asked by kenmauiphoto 5

four questions....
#1. how do you put a giraffe in a fridge?
#2. how do you put an elephant in a fridge?
#3. the lion king is having a meeting, which animal won't be there?
#4. You need to get across a lake that is inhabited by crocidiles. how do you get across? (no ropes or bridges)

2007-03-05 15:24:36 · 17 answers · asked by Anonymous

How do you know when a lobster is cooked?
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When he stops screaming.

Hahahahahahahahahahahahahaha. Heehee.

2007-03-05 15:17:03 · 6 answers · asked by Ace 5

A 5-year-old boy went to visit his grandmother one day.
Playing with his toys in her bedroom while grandma was dusting, he
looked up and said, "Grandma, how come you don't have a boyfriend now
that
Grandpa went to heaven?"

Grandma replied, "Honey, my TV is my boyfriend. I can sit in my
bedroom and watch it all day long. The religious programs make me feel
good
and the comedies make me laugh. I'm happy with my TV as my boyfriend."

Grandma turned on the TV, and the reception was terrible.She started
adjusting the knobs, trying to get the picture in focus.
Frustrated, she started hitting the backside of the TV hoping to fix
the problem when suddenly the door bell rang. Before Grandma could say anything, the little boy ran fast to open the door, and there stood Grandma's minister.

The minister said, "Hello, son, is your Grandma home?"
The little boy replied, "Yeah, she's in the bedroom bangin' her boyfriend."


The minister fainted.

2007-03-05 15:12:22 · 15 answers · asked by sugar_n_spice 5

2007-03-05 15:10:47 · 9 answers · asked by M45-S355 l_l532 2

2007-03-05 15:04:04 · 19 answers · asked by JR 4

WONKY DONKEY :)

2007-03-05 15:02:36 · 18 answers · asked by Anonymous

i will be in an air plane for 16 hours. is there any good air plane tricks, or hotel pranks?

2007-03-05 15:01:16 · 14 answers · asked by Aztec 1

one person is for nothing but fun (laugh,jokes,etc..),one for romance (no sex, just walks on the beach,kisses, etc...)
,one for nothing but mad passionate sex (use your imagination).who would they be?

2007-03-05 14:54:42 · 14 answers · asked by thinker 13 1

I need some for homework. Here's an example of what im looking for:
Q: How do you shoot a blue elephant?
A: With a blue elephant gun.
Q: How do you shoot a yellow elephant?
A: Have you ever seen a yellow elephant?
Q: How do you shoot a red elephant?
A: Hold his trunk shut until he turns blue, and then shoot him with the blue elephant gun.

2007-03-05 14:51:33 · 5 answers · asked by msGiggles 2