Jokes & Riddles - March 2007

When two people from two different countries talk to each other, and both of them are not understanding a word of what the other person is saying, they start screaming at each other.. Shouting the words and stuff.. That wouldn't make them understand, that'd just make them loud.. Why do people do that?!
Fun Answers..
Mere curiousity!

2007-03-06 03:53:09 · 7 answers · asked by Shadow Song 4

What begins with eternity, and is at the end of time and the beginning of every end and at the end of every place?

2007-03-06 03:50:21 · 15 answers · asked by Ghostly Ghost! 3

никто не знает, как читать это? если вы мужчина

2007-03-06 03:45:21 · 9 answers · asked by willow 3

A penguin's first name is Jim. IT's 12:00 o'clock on a sunday. He's walking to a store with a friend beaver named Jim. Jim says "I'm hungry." which jim said it.

2007-03-06 03:43:37 · 25 answers · asked by ishootiscore04 2

This is my math homework, could someone help me with the answer? It's just so hard.

Coincidentally, that's what she said.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The host of a party turned to a guest and said "I have three daughters."

"Is that so?" the guest replied. "How old are they?"

"Well, the product of their ages is 72 and the sum of their ages is my house number."

"Hmm," said the guest, "excuse me a moment." The guest rushed to the door, looked at the house number, and returned to the host. "I'm afraid I need a little more information."

"Alright," the host replied. "The oldest likes strawberry pudding."

The guest smiled and announced the ages of the three girls.

2007-03-06 03:43:28 · 6 answers · asked by Person #8 3

I want it but i have no money and i wanna know if it is good

2007-03-06 03:34:24 · 2 answers · asked by Anonymous

Any 1 finish it????

2007-03-06 03:24:47 · 23 answers · asked by **Missy** 3

the 8 year old boy who weighs 14 stone was asked earlier on t.v today what his favourite musical instrument was at school. the fat g*t said the dinner bell

2007-03-06 03:21:15 · 18 answers · asked by locko550 2

need some short jokes i can text to my friend

i'm very bored x

2007-03-06 03:05:36 · 24 answers · asked by Anonymous

Sherlock Holmes and Dr Watson go on a camping trip. After a good dinner and a bottle of wine, they retire for the night, and go to sleep.

Some hours later, Holmes wakes up and nudges his faithful friend. “Watson, look up at the sky and tell me what you see.”

“I see millions and millions of stars, Holmes” replies Watson.

“And what do you deduce from that?”

Watson ponders for a minute. “Well,

Astronomically, it tells me that there are millions of galaxies and potentially billions of planets.

Astrologically, I observe that Saturn is in Leo.

Horologically, I deduce that the time is approximately a quarter past three.

Meteorologically, I suspect that we will have a beautiful day tomorrow.

Theologically, I can see that God is all powerful, and that we are a small and insignificant part of the universe.


But what does it tell you, Holmes?”

Holmes is silent for a moment.

“Watson, you idiot!” he says. “Someone has stolen our tent!”

2007-03-06 03:04:57 · 13 answers · asked by Anonymous

A blind man goes into a shop swinging his guide dog around his head.
the shop assistant asks "can i help you sir?"
the blind man says "no thanks i'm just looking around"

2007-03-06 03:04:12 · 21 answers · asked by Uncle Elroy 4

Little Mary was not the best student in Sunday School. Usually she slept through the class. One day the teacher called on her while she was napping, ''Tell me, Mary, who created the universe?''

When Mary didn't stir, little Johnny, an altruistic boy seated in the chair behind her, took a pin and jabbed her in the rear. ''God Almighty !'' shouted Mary and the teacher said, ''Very good'' and Mary fell back to sleep.

A while later the teacher asked Mary, ''Who is our Lord and Savior?'' But Mary didn't even stir from her slumber. Once again, Johnny came to the rescue and stuck her again. ''Jesus Christ!'' shouted Mary and the teacher said, ''Very good,'' and Mary fell back to sleep.

Then the teacher asked Mary a third question, ''What did Eve say to Adam after she had her twenty-third child?'' And again, Johnny jabbed her with the pin. This time Mary jumped up and shouted, ''If you stick that damn thing in me one more time, I'll break it in half!'' The Teacher fainted.

2007-03-06 02:54:47 · 8 answers · asked by terbiyesiz_herif 4

Just a funny question answer it if u can.

2007-03-06 02:53:03 · 15 answers · asked by Raj Kumar R 1

Conversation heard at a school for girls during recess:
Rosie says, "Ghee, you know it's really hard to be good".
Mary answers, "It's gotta be hard to be good".

2007-03-06 02:40:40 · 12 answers · asked by Anonymous

What's cold, slimy, green, and smells of pork?





Kermit the Frog's finger!

2007-03-06 02:39:33 · 22 answers · asked by terbiyesiz_herif 4

you see there's this yuppie driving along in his rolls and see's a punk walking down the street I hate punk rockers he says then runs him over, this happens a few time on his trip then is flagged down by a priest pointing at a petrol can, if you give me a lift you can have this. There driving down the road and spots a punk and thinks better not got a man of god here so goes to go around him then thud he looks to see what up and the priest looks up and said I saw you were goin to miss him so I opened my door

2007-03-06 02:29:12 · 11 answers · asked by Anonymous

i dont get people are always saying LOL OMG OMFG LAMO OR NOOB. i dont get them all please tell me

2007-03-06 02:25:07 · 4 answers · asked by misterious person 2

Q. How many women with PMS does it take to screw in a light bulb?

A. One. ONE!! And do you know WHY it only takes ONE? Because no one else in this house knows HOW to change a light bulb. They don't even know the bulb is BURNED OUT. They would sit in this house in the dark for THREE DAYS before they figured it OUT. And once they figured it out they wouldn't be able to find the light bulbs despite the fact that they've been in the SAME CUPBOARD for the past SEVENTEEN YEARS. But if they did, by some miracle, find the light bulbs, TWO DAYS LATER the chair that they dragged from two rooms over to stand on to change the STUPID light bulb would STILL BE IN THE SAME SPOT!!!!!!! AND UNDERNEATH IT WOULD BE THE CRUMPLED WRAPPER THE STUPID LIGHT BULBS CAME IN. WHY??? BECAUSE NO ONE IN THIS HOUSE EVER CARRIES OUT THE GARBAGE!!!! IT'S A WONDER WE HAVEN'T ALL SUFFOCATED FROM THE PILES OF GARBAGE THAT ARE 12 FEET DEEP THROUGHOUT THE ENTIRE HOUSE. THE HOUSE!! THE HOUSE!!!

2007-03-06 02:25:02 · 15 answers · asked by Jodi C 5

A woman walked into the kitchen to find her husband stalking around with a fly swatter.

"What are you doing?" she asked.

"Hunting Flies," he responded.

"Oh!, Killed any?" she asked.

"Yep, 3 males, 2 Females," he replied.

Intrigued, she asked. "How can you tell?"

He responded, "3 were on a beer can, 2 were on the phone."

2007-03-06 02:23:23 · 12 answers · asked by Jodi C 5

As a new bride, Aunt Edna moved into the small home on her husband's ranch near Snowflake. She put a shoe box on a shelf in her closet and asked her husband never to touch it.

For 50 years Uncle Jack left the box alone, until Aunt Edna was old and dying.

One day when he was putting their affairs in order, he found the box again and thought it might hold something important.

Opening it, he found two doilies and $82,500 in cash. He took the box to her and asked about the contents. "My mother gave me that box the day we married," she explained. "She told me to make a doily to help ease my frustrations every time I got mad at you."

Uncle Jack was very touched that in 50 years she'd only been mad at him twice.

"What's the $82,500 for?" he asked.

"Oh, well that's the money I've made selling the doilies."

2007-03-06 02:21:19 · 11 answers · asked by Jodi C 5

A french family is made stop by the police and the policeman says:

-You are our 1 000 000 car stopped today... As a reaward you have won 1000 €!

And the driver reply's - Thank you! With that i can finally take my driver's license
Then his wife says... - Oficer dont listen to him... He is drunk!
And the kid on the back seat says
I told that driving in stolen cars is bad luck!

2007-03-06 02:20:40 · 12 answers · asked by pervertidamente 2

2007-03-06 02:19:50 · 5 answers · asked by mahmoud adam 1

there's this guy riding bike and his mate pulls him over in his rolls, hey chalkey fancy a lift he say's, nah i'm ok got my bike you see, dont worry i have a tow rope we can use.

he has been towed for about 2 miles when a blonde in a ferarri over takes them. right says the guy in the rolls not having thaat so he hits the throtle, and catches her up but then they hit a speed trap with two coppers sat in their car.


wow did you just see that said one to the other, what??

wel you see there was this good looking blonde in a ferarri doin 90mph a yuppie in a rolls doin 80mph and a bloke on a bike trying to catch up.

2007-03-06 02:18:12 · 8 answers · asked by Anonymous

The best answer gets10 Points

2007-03-06 02:12:08 · 7 answers · asked by pervertidamente 2

>> WHY YOU NEVER QUESTION A DRUNK
>>
>> I was shopping at the local supermarket where I selected:
>> A half-gallon of 2% milk,
>> A carton of eggs,
>> A quart of orange juice,
>> A head of romaine lettuce,
>> A 2 lb. can of coffee, and
>> A 1 lb. package of bacon.
>>
>> As I was unloading my items on the conveyor belt
>> to check out, a drunk standing behind me watched as
>> I placed the items in front of the cashier.
>>
>> While the cashier was ringing up the purchases,
>> the drunk calmly stated, "You must be single."
>> I was a bit startled by this proclamation, but I
>> was intrigued by the derelict's intuition, since I
>> was indeed single. I looked at the six items on the
>> belt and saw nothing particularly unusual about my
>> selections that could have tipped off the drunk to
>> my marital status.
>>
>> Curiosity getting the better of me, I said: "Well,
>> you know what, you're absolutely right. But how on earth did you know
>> that?"
>>
>>
>>
>>
>>
>> The drunk replied, "Cause you're ugly."

2007-03-06 02:06:20 · 30 answers · asked by mmh 4

After every flight, pilots fill out a form, called a gripe sheet which tells mechanics about problems with the aircraft. The mechanics correct the problems, document their repairs on the form, and then pilots review the gripe sheets before the next flight. Never let it be said that ground crews lack a sense of humor. Here are some maintenance complaints submitted by pilots and the solutions recorded by maintenance engineers. By the way, the airline these came from is the only major airline that has never, ever, had an accident.

Pilot: Left inside main tire almost needs replacement.
Engineers: Almost replaced left inside main tire.

Pilot: Test flight OK, except auto-land very rough.
Engineers: Auto-land not installed on this aircraft.

Pilot: Something loose in cockpit.
Engineers: Something tightened in cockpit.

Pilot: Dead bugs on windshield.
Engineers: Live bugs on back-order.

Pilot: Autopilot in altitude-hold mode produces a 200 feet per minute descent.
Engineers: Cannot reproduce problem on ground.

Pilot: Evidence of leak on right main landing gear.
Engineers: Evidence removed.

Pilot: DME volume unbelievably loud.
Engineers: DME volume set to more believable level.

Pilot: Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick.
Engineers: That's what friction locks are for.

Pilot: IFF inoperative in OFF mode.
Engineers: IFF always inoperative in OFF mode.

Pilot: Suspected crack in windshield.
Engineers: Suspect you're right.

Pilot: Number 3 engine missing.
Engineers: Engine found on right wing after brief search.

Pilot: Aircraft handles funny.
Engineers: Aircraft warned to straighten up, fly right, and be serious.

Pilot: Target radar hums.
Engineers: Reprogrammed target radar with lyrics.

Pilot: Mouse in cockpit.
Engineers: Cat installed.

Pilot: Noise coming from under instrument panel. Sounds like a midget pounding on something with a hammer.
Engineers: Took hammer away from midget

2007-03-06 01:59:38 · 17 answers · asked by Anonymous

A man goes to a psychiatrist and says,
"Doc, my brother's crazy, he thinks he's a chicken." The doctor says,
"Why don't you turn him in?"
The guy says,
"We would. But we need the eggs."

2007-03-06 01:55:30 · 22 answers · asked by Uncle Elroy 4

What would you be game!

Answer the questions below....best answer gets 10 pts
Give details why!

If you could be a

1. Bird
2. Color
3. Song
4. Car
5. Any Animal
6. An article of clothing
7. A common household object
8. A cartoon character(Any)
9. Beverage
10. Candy

2007-03-06 01:55:21 · 7 answers · asked by Anton M 2

:Art Conn, Gloria Goody and Dr. Prod were staying at the SOUL-ACE Hotel on the Isle of Begile, where the natives always lie and the visitors always tell the truth. While sitting on one of the hotel’s balconies overlooking the crashing waves of Perjurer’s Cove, Gloria turned to Art and said, “Art, I think you are a liar.” Art looked into Gloria’s eyes and replied, “Me? I don’t think so. It’s Dr. Prod here who is the liar.” Dr. Prod, not being one to take accusations lightly, interjected, “As far as I’m concerned, you’re both liars!” And with that Prod stomped off in a huff. Since two of the three are lying, who is the visitor?

2007-03-06 01:50:27 · 8 answers · asked by crazydiamondbc 1

Who can make up the best 5 sentence story about Absolutely Nothing?

10pts to the funniest!

2007-03-06 01:42:46 · 7 answers · asked by Anton M 2