Jokes & Riddles - March 2007

2007-03-06 11:06:44 · 8 answers · asked by Anonymous

yes, yes, oxymoron as it is but a blonde wants to know some other blonde jokes...be nice...

2007-03-06 11:05:44 · 7 answers · asked by Amanda 2

Tomorrow i have to get a suppository (medical procedure..2 of them!!) for the first time and i'm 15.. I hear it's where they push a pill up your butt but that's all i know. does it hurt a lot? do i have to take off my clothes?

i'm embarassed about it a lot. do i have to stand up or what do i do? what if i make my cheeks tight together or try to so they cant put it in? what if they put it in and i push it out?

does it make me go to the bathroom the same way or diffferent and longer?

2007-03-06 11:02:35 · 4 answers · asked by Mark 1

In an exceptionally long corridor in the Space Station,
there are one thousand windows along one wall.
Coincidentally, there are exactly one thousand Men in the station.
Astronaut boss orders the first Man to open the blinds on every window.
Then, he orders the second Man to close the blinds on every second window.
Then the third Man is told to go to every third window,
and close the blinds if they are open, and open the blinds if they are closed.
The fourth Man does this for every fourth window, and so on.

After all 1000 Men complete the process, how many blinds are open?

this is hard i know but i couldnt figure out the answer. have some fun with it and please try to figure it out :D

2007-03-06 10:44:11 · 8 answers · asked by Squirrel 1

wut is a big, balding, north american ape, with no chin called?

2007-03-06 10:40:57 · 17 answers · asked by kizz_my_azz 1

What is 3/7 chicken, 2/3 cat and 1/2 goat?

2007-03-06 10:26:34 · 11 answers · asked by Anonymous

The Crow is back! I will ask one question! You have one day too answer it! Iam taller then a tree I go up,up,up and away but yet I never grow! what am I? There it is you have one day better hurry!

2007-03-06 10:20:18 · 8 answers · asked by The Crow 1

Some guys at my school randomly go up to me and ask me if I feel like tacos, and say "Crawling in My Skin" to me. Are they making fun of me, or just being dumb?

2007-03-06 10:20:14 · 6 answers · asked by Ata Chan 1

Friday afternoon, the rush hour bus is jam-packed with commuters. Everyone was feeling like sardines in a can. People stood face-to-face, back-to-back.

A young woman was wearing a miniskirt was feeling particularly uncomfortable with her situation.

As if feeling discomfort, a construction worker behind her said, "Pardon me, miss, but that thing pressing into your back is my weekly pay ... today they only paid us hard cash!"

"I don't mind your hard cash," replied the woman, "but how do you explain your pay increase since the last stop?"

2007-03-06 10:19:55 · 7 answers · asked by Anonymous

A Truck driver was driving along. A sign comes up that reads "low bridge ahead." Before he knows it the bridge is right ahead of him and he gets stuck under the bridge. Cars are backed up for miles. Finally, a police car comes up. The policeman gets out of his car and walks around to the Truck driver, puts his hands on his hips and says, "Got stuck?" The lorry driver says, "No mate, I was delivering this bridge and ran out of petrol."

2007-03-06 10:19:16 · 9 answers · asked by Anonymous

My internist told me "Physical exercise is good for you." I agree, but my body is out of shape, so I've worked out this easy daily program which can be done anywhere and any time:

Monday:

Beat around the bush.
Jump to conclusions.
Climb the walls.
Wade through paperwork.

Tuesday:

Drag my heels.
Push my luck.
Make mountains out of mole hills.
Hit the nail on the head.

Wednesday:

Bend over backwards.
Jump on the band wagon.
Balance the books.
Run around in circles.

Thursday:

Toot my own horn.
Climb the ladder of success.
Pull out the stops.
Add fuel to the fire.

Friday:

Open a can of worms.
Put my foot in my mouth.
Start the ball rolling.
Go over the edge.

Saturday:

Pick up the pieces.

Whew! What a workout!

2007-03-06 10:17:46 · 11 answers · asked by Anonymous

At a small airport terminal in Texas, three strangers awaiting their shuttle flight started conversing about the recent worldly events.

The strangers were of varying cultures.
One was Native American.
Another was a cowboy from West Texas.
The other person was a devout Arab Muslim.

During their conversation, they began to discuss their cultural history.

The Native American stated "once my people were many, now we are few."

The Muslim then chimed in and arrogantly said, "Once my people were few and now we are many."

The cowboy looked at the Muslim, shifted the toothpick in his mouth and said, "That's 'cause we ain't played Cowboys and Muslims yet."

2007-03-06 10:13:52 · 6 answers · asked by Anonymous

After their baby was born, the panicked father went to see the obstetrician.

"Doctor," the man said, "I don't mind telling you, but I'm a little upset because my baby daughter has red hair. She can't possibly be mine."

"Nonsense," the doctor said. "Even though you and your wife both have black hair, one of your ancestors may have contributed red hair to the gene pool."

"It isn't possible," the man insisted. "This can't be, our families on both sides had jet-black hair for generations."

Well," said the doctor, "Let me ask you this, how often do you have sex?"

The man seemed a bit ashamed. "I've been working very hard for the past year. We only made love once or twice every few months."

"Well, there you have it!" The doctor said confidently. "It's rust."

2007-03-06 10:10:09 · 12 answers · asked by Anonymous

rob

2007-03-06 10:09:43 · 2 answers · asked by raybbies 5

A newlywed couple returned to their apartment after being on their honeymoon.
"Care to go upstairs and do it?" the husband asked.
"Shh!" said the bride "All the neighbors will know what we're about to do. These walls are paper thin. In the future, we'll have to ask each other in code. For example, how about asking, 'Have you left the washing machine door open' instead?"
So, the following night, the husband asks, "I don't suppose you left the washing machine door open, did you?"
"No, I definitely shut it," replied the wife who rolled over and fell asleep.
When she woke up however, she was feeling a little frisky herself and she nudged her husband and said, "I think I did leave the washing machine door open after all. Would you like to do some washing?"
"No, thanks," said the husband. "It was only a small load so I did it by hand."

2007-03-06 10:08:27 · 11 answers · asked by Anonymous

years. The wizard says, "Maybe, but you will have to tell me the exact words that were used to put the curse on you." The old man says without hesitation, "I now pronounce you man and wife."

2007-03-06 10:02:53 · 17 answers · asked by Anonymous

2. . What has one foot on each side and one in the middle?

3. .What gets wetter the more it dries?

4. .What building has the most stories?

2007-03-06 09:56:03 · 10 answers · asked by glitters 2

What is the weirdest name youve heard?
Whats your favorite color?
Will you give me stars?
Do you think stars are beutiful? why?
to get the ten points you must answer all this questions and be the fifth one to write it.

2007-03-06 09:55:39 · 11 answers · asked by Joa 2

then charge half a million to sell each appartment.. the veiw itself can only be worth nothing. west brom supporter..

2007-03-06 09:55:05 · 2 answers · asked by raybbies 5

You'll always have a friend wearin big red shoes...

2007-03-06 09:51:17 · 11 answers · asked by i!i!i!i!i!i! 1

the
noose.

2007-03-06 09:49:50 · 7 answers · asked by Anonymous

pulled out a gun and said this is a police raid your underarrest how would you act?

2007-03-06 09:47:56 · 12 answers · asked by Anonymous

I have three, 1st. why was the small strawberry upset? Because it's parents were caught in a jam.
2nd. Did you know that cows are outstanding in their flieds? [must tell joke when people are talking abot work]
3rd what does a camera and a comdon got in common? they both catcha those special momments

2007-03-06 09:43:10 · 5 answers · asked by MousieLovesGod 3

Start.


1) Some months have 30 days,some months have 31 days. How many months have 28 days? ____________________
2) If a doctor gives you 3 pills and tells you to take one pill every half hour, how long would it be before all the pills had been taken? ____________________

3) I went to bed at eight o'clock in the evening and wound up my clock and set the alarm to sound at nine o'clock in the morning. How many hours sleep would I get before being awoken by the alarm? ____________________

4) Divide 30 by half and add ten. What do you get?____________________

5) A farmer had 17 sheep. All but 9 died. How many live sheep were left? ___________________

6) If you had only one match and entered a COLD and DARK room, where there was an oil heater, an oil lamp and a candle, which would you light first? ____________________

2007-03-06 09:40:46 · 27 answers · asked by Anonymous

2007-03-06 09:40:06 · 18 answers · asked by fineladypamela 1

Lol I just saw a reference to the joke yet again on t.v., but nobody ever goes through with it. So, what happens?

2007-03-06 09:35:19 · 11 answers · asked by Shannon83 1

a dog with no legs?nothing he isn't coming anyway. what do you do with a dog with no legs? take him for a drag. what do you call a fly with no wings? A walk. How many flies does it take to screw in a light bulb? 2 but don't ask how they got in there.

2007-03-06 09:29:09 · 10 answers · asked by sugar 2

2007-03-06 09:25:19 · 13 answers · asked by SARAH D 3

2007-03-06 09:22:41 · 9 answers · asked by Anonymous

2007-03-06 09:21:25 · 19 answers · asked by Susie2 4